DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

First time she held the baby you and her dad should have discussed how to pick up the baby safely and explained why it was important.

When you saw her put the baby down it was a perfect time to explain to her how to do it safely. COMMUNICATE for gods sake. Shes 12, not 2. If she doesn't like to be told what to do or is sensitive then it's tough really isn't it. You and her Dad show her how to do it safely, involve her in nappy changes etc, give her some responsibility whilst your in the same room.

This poster has form for this on other threads.

Why was the baby screaming? Did she actually hurt him?
My eldest was 10 when her sister was born and after showing her once how to pick her the baby up she was fine. In the time it took you to write this post you could have had a quick chat, they’re no need to be embarrassed

We got kittens when my kids were about 8.

one day we came in from the garden to find that they had made a kitten “rollercoaster” and were pushing the kittens down a very steep slide.

we did a whole talk about how kittens have to be held very nicely and if they don’t like what you are doing then they will scratch you and bite you.

children will pick up kittens or a baby unless told not to. Even if told not to they’ll probably still do it (children generally liking to try things themselves and mostly not obeying adult instructions).

you need to sit both kids down, explain about the neck, show them how to do it safely and then tell them to get an adult.

Oh good grief, poor DSD. Show her how to pick up and hold the baby properly and love that she's trying.

Show her how to pick the baby up and put him down safely. Then trust her to do it.

Honestly it's an absolute non issue. And as for him crying, babies do that. As you're no doubt finding out.

As a young child my mother and I went to see a neighbours baby. I was much younger than your step daughter, I fully understood that I was too young to support the babies neck reliably however my mother did show me how it was done. I feel that at twelve if shown and assuming the twelve year old has no developmental issues it would be okay to show how to pickup and put down, once shown and practiced the worry of this could be avoided.

neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

What kind of parents are you? You teach your children how to do things properly. You supervise while they get the hang of it. I knew how to pick up a small baby and support its neck from the age of five, when my brother was born. My mum taught me. Why haven't you taught her?

I don't think this would be an issue if this was your 12 year old daughter.

Once step mums bring another child in to the world, the "D"SC are always the issue.

No one needs to 'have words'. You need to say 'babies have weak necks, let me show you how to safely pick him up" and demonstrate.

Poor girl.

You missed the bit about OP’s bio son being treated the same then ?

You’re getting a terribly hard time on this post OP. I find it a bit strange! Shocked at the person that tried to say a 4 week old isn’t delicate. These posts seem to invite the strangest and most vicious attitudes towards new mums. Please ignore them. Having recently had a baby I can back you up on the feeding thing.
Maybe it’s a generational thing of people forgetting what it was like to have babies, or alternatively they’re from THAT generation (you know the ones… trying to touch your baby in the supermarket… shudder). maybe some people on this thread need reminding why infant death has dramatically decreased since since 90’s. Survivor bias.

YANBU, I wouldn’t want a 12 year old lifting up my tiny baby either, the “she’s 12 not 2” comments are odd. She’s still a child that doesn’t know how to do it correctly. Her being your SC seems irrelevant but people have obsessively jumped on it.

I would teach her how to do it, but also explain please don’t take him in an out of his Moses basket without you there. You can explain it in a nice way no need to be embarrassed. You’re protecting your child. Don’t let them make you out to be a wicked step mother not wanting a child to man handle your 4 week old baby. People on this site are so weird.

I come from a big family it's bollocks and don't get upset over the word itself. Everyone is trying to make a name for themselves in their field.

You are not being unreasonable, I have friends (in their 30s) that honestly gave me hives at how they would confidently but incorrectly hold my newborn, and as she got older actually.

Deep breaths and just show her how to support his head.

The baby was ok , life will be ok.

expressing horror is a bit OTT

I didn't know that, thanks for the heads up. He or she probably does it for the attention.

OP is right, this is what is taught and encouraged now. It comes from the UNICEF Baby Friendly Guidance

Responsive-Feeding-Infosheet-Unicef-UK-Baby-Friendly-Initiative.pdf https://share.google/Zvmop44CyqCnmY1YL

(Edited to sort out link)

Oh but you're forgetting the key fact: she doesn't 'want to' teach them.
It's all a load of nonsense. She would rather risk her child's health and upset her SD than come down off her high horse and teach her how to do it safely.

Gosh I babysat babies at age 12! Teach her how to do it properly.

Yes she doesn't want to

Op i think you need to take responsibility for your post and wording rather then imply the replies are harsh simply because you said 'step child '. I honestly don't know what your issue is, you have made this bigger then it is. Said step child is not likely to keep going up to the baby and picking him up, how often is she really likely to do this? All you had to do was say sweetheart if you want to hold the baby let me know and ill give him to you, let me help you because he might be too heavy for you.. anything nice and said with support and reassurance is all it takes. Honestly its not hard to say what you want but really kindly.

He's really not as delicate as you think he is.

Then show her how!

I was certainly picking up relative's babies at that age

And not that long ago, children of that age would be caring for babies

Your DSD is interested in the baby, that should be encouraged. If she's told to keep away, this will really not help their relationship. Show her how to do things, including dressing, nappies and feeding (no babies won't be confused when someone else gives them a bottle). She's 12 and not a toddler.

It doesn't seem that you have ever told the older children not to pick the baby up. Just assumed they would know what you want. Did your DSD pick him up because he was crying? You can tell them both that you don't want them to pick him up because his neck is still floppy. Or you can teach them how, and when, to pick him up safely. It doesn't have to be a drama, unless you choose to make it one.