DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

@Emmafuller79 I don’t quite agree with the end of this, it’s nothing to do with whether she is or is not my child.

ultimately it is my child and whatever I’m comfortable with.

but comments like this give people the ammunition they need to say all SM are awful

that was rather naive.
Teach both older children today! Make it light hearted, get them to do it in front of you and Dad and praise them.

did you read what the OP said? I won’t stoop to your level and swear about it. If that was your baby would you allow it?

Just have a chat - “I’d rather be in the room if you want to pick up the baby just to be safe, do you want to have a cuddle now?” Seems like you’re making a drama out of nothing.

I've had 4 children your midwife said what?
You believe it?

@Falseknock my midwife said for the “4th trimester” whilst baby figures out the world and who is who, to keep feeding to just the two of us. So that he can associate our smell with being fed and identify us as his care givers. Apparently passing them around to everyone and letting different people do things such as feeding can cause babies to be overstimulated and confused… ultimately leading to a terrible couple of days restlessness

I would explain it clearly to her, no picking up while he is so small.

I would be concerned too if she refuses to accept direction.

Tell both children very clearly.

Your response was a tad dramatic though 🤣

PROTECT YOUR BABY AGAINST THE EVIL STEPSISTER!!!!

Just no!! All OP needs to do is ask DSD not to pick baby up without you there, to be safe. Say that she is very welcome to have a cuddle and you can bring baby over and teach her what to do. Why does it even matter that the stepdaughter isn’t her biological daughter?

Fair enough- I’m sure you are not an “evil step mum” and I’m sure you mean to do your very best by your SDC and have good intentions . But it is a tricky relationship, and this is a situation where you have clearly overreacted to something innocent and minor. You also describe your SDC as “sensitive”. This might be a helpful opportunity to reflect on the broader context of the relationship, which sounds like the more pertinent issue here than a 12 year old picking up a baby.. Just my 2 cents.

Confusion about who feeds the baby?! 🤣

@Checkard I think this is what we are going to do when they are both together so nobody feels like they’re getting the blame.

not that my son will, he couldn’t care less about the baby, he cares more about if his games are being touched.

@JJMama yes correct, happy to let the frequently run Midwife led NHS antenatal class know your thoughts though?

Ooooooh consequences ????
Consequences will be that she doesn’t want to visit her father’s home and all the drama that comes with that 🙄

Jesus Christ. Poor girl.

Confidently, and gently, just explain that DB and DS are not to pick up their baby sibling without asking first.
You, the mother, need to decide whether the baby is trying to sleep, is resting after a feed or is ready for some sibling affection.
Also instruct them both how and why to safely pick up their brother and how to support his head. You should be there in the same room as they pick him up until they display the correct and careful technique.

There are some woke midwifes out there today. That has never been said to me. More pressure on being the perfect mother.

What utter rubbish.

I think if she had said her bio son was visiting, the responses would be similar.

But I’m guessing by the fact she tagged you when you weren’t on the post, she was aiming for a situation where she could claim this would turn into “wicked stepmother” post. Funny she hasn’t said why she hasn’t taught her step daughter how to pick up a baby. Mine was 6 when she first held a baby and we explained it to her.

What a horrible post and destructive attitude towards the young DSS.

All @Pinkpetal9999 and her partner need to do is have a chat to the DSS about how to pick the baby up carefully, while supporting his neck. She is 12, not 2.

Blended family bliss.

Come on think sensibly you are talking to parents who have gone through it themselves.

Please learn what woke means if you want to throw it about like an insult.

Oh FFS - there are ways of communicating that wouldn't embarrass her!

Certainly your posts read as if your DSD needs some more love and attention from you and less suspicion. Gently show her how to manage the baby (personally I would ignore the MW re feeds- and I’m a GP- attachment to family is important!!). And reflect on your wording in your posts which as many have said does appear to betray a particular attitude to your parenting. Consider looking at therapeutic parenting resources to help navigate the relationship with your SD. Dan Hughes is a good place to start. Congratulations on the new addition.

Probably one of the worst threads l’ve seen on MN. Vicious from the beginning stemming from the OP using the phrase ‘visiting’ when clearly everyone here knew exactly what she meant but the urge to pick up on a minute detail and turn it into something it’s not was just too much wasn’t it ?

OP l would ask for the thread to be taken down. Your words have been deliberately misinterpreted and no amount of updating will change that because posters will jump on and not bother to read the updates before posting that you are indeed a wicked stepmother. I really do think MN is sometimes just a means for some to hide behind a keyboard to say things they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face.