DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

[Pinkpetal9999]

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Why assume she was moving him around? Why not she picked her brother up for a cuddle?

Yes, you should. Shitty stepparents who treat their stepchildren like an inconvenience get short shrift here, except from the Second Wives Club.

The step bit has no bearing on this for me.

I just can't help thinking this whole thread is quite sad

So have a gentle chat with both the older kids. Explain. How are they meant to learn?

Don't make it a bigger deal than it is and speak to both so it's not a step child issue.

Your the mum you. protect YOUR baby. You don’t protect the wants of another child whose old enough to no better and isn’t even YOUR OWN
child
😡

She’s not staying with you or visiting you, it’s her dad’s home so it’s her home too.

Just teach her op. I have a 4 day old baby. And being teaching my 11year old how to safely pick up her brother and place him down.

she wants to know and learn. Which I’ll encourage because I also have a 17 year old who has refused to hold said baby brother at all.

Gentle chat don’t cut it

thr 12 yr old should. Be told to leave baby alone or there’s a real consequence

She dont live there. What do you suggest OP calls it? 🙄

At 12 you were looking after 4 week old babies all day? Your relatives sound like terrible parents.

At 12 in the 90s, I was babysitting but not tiny newborns

She does live there some of the time though!

I’d have just said “at ours”.

Why are you so dramatic? Just explain how to hold him safely. It really doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what a reasonable next step is

true. Think it’s gentle parenting at large. Throw in the step family element and it’s double
messy

I no. Always left to women to pick up the slack
even for jobs /kids that don’t belong too her 😡

Could you just ask her not to? Or if you feel too embarrassed to then ask your partner to? Not sure what the issue is really- she is 12 and probably excited about having a new baby sibling but if she is doing something you don't want her to then you need to tell her or she won't know. If she picked him up incorrectly then that would've been a good time to explain to her either how to do it properly or to say not to do that until the baby is older.

You can avoid any embarrassment by showing them both how to pick up the baby.

So you wouldn’t mind telling her she couldn’t pick up the baby at all - despite the fact she’d probably find that embarrassing and also really shitty. But you don’t want to embarrass her by explaining that the baby needs a bit more neck support at this age? That’s not odd at all.

Step parents wouldn’t get a hard time if they were less shitty towards their step kids.

Sure Jan

“Screaming his lungs out”

Quite the drip feed 🙄

You need to be less dramatic and stop excluding your DSD

There's a big age gap with me and my sister and she was 12 when I had my first. Id go upstairs for a nap and leave her in charge! She was more than capable of holding and changing a nappy and even feeding. She is mature for her age though. Unfortunately, there's also plenty of 12 year olds having babies who must hold them!!

Protect the baby? She’s not hurting the baby ffs.

@kirinm this whole step parent narrative is boring sorrry. I have a biological son and all is the same in our house

we never had the discussion about picking up and putting down baby as to be frank, we didn’t really think there would be any time whilst he’s this small that it would be needed. One of us most is in the room majority of the time, I’d left for a moment whilst he was sleeping to do some washing. And when I came back it was mid him being picked up out of the Moses basket screaming

Massive overreaction. She’s 12 not a toddler. Newborns aren’t made of glass. You need to relax.

This. Mine are 19 months apart and we showed the one year old how to hold his newborn brother. Obv always supervised.

It comes across as though you’re not keen on DSD; she’s ‘visiting’ and hasn’t been shown how to hold her sibling. I bet it would be different if she was your daughter.

YABVVU

Does your son visit you or live with you?