Page 2 | DSD picking newborn up and putting him back in Moses basket

catom · 02/09/2025 07:37

Ooof op you’re Gona get it on this thread for saying the stepkid word

HollyhockDays · 02/09/2025 07:38

Just show her how to do it. As a 12 year old I’d have loved to hold a baby so she just wants to be involved.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:38

@catom should have known really

OP posts:

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/09/2025 07:39

Presumably she’s not visiting - it’s one her two homes!

I think “a step too far” is odd wording and suggests she’s an adult deliberately overstepping some sort of boundary. He’s her brother and she’s excited about having him in her life. Not saying it was a good idea to lift a sleeping baby, just wondered about the wording.

Show her how to handle the baby safely - she’s 12 not 5, she should be able to hold him without the need for one of you to arrange his position first. But equally, if you explain to her when not to pick up the baby (eg when he’s sleeping) she’s old enough to keep to that road.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:39

Right just to confirm.
We have 0 issue with any of the children holding the baby. All can as and when they want and are shown how to properly.

the issue is the picking up and putting down which was not done correctly and ended up with LO screaming his lungs out.

the rule applies to all children in our house

OP posts:

SuPollardsPolkaDotFrock · 02/09/2025 07:40

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:28

we have no issues here holding the baby.

its the safe removal and putting down of the child whilst he’s still so delicate.

No she did not which completely took me back, I didn’t want to embarrass her by explaining what she had done as she’s quite sensitive but neither of us have ever shown her how to do it either

Has it occured to you that by allowing her to hold the baby unsupervised while you are in another room you might be giving a 12 year old child mixed messages?

Cheesyfootballs01 · 02/09/2025 07:40

Just talk to her ffs! Say only Daddy and I are allowed to pick the baby up as they are quite delicate at this age - once they are a bit older I’ll show you and brother how to pick them up correctly.

You are not singling her out by including the brother as well.

Assssofspades · 02/09/2025 07:40

You sound insufferable

Moonnstars · 02/09/2025 07:41

So you have an older son and the SD, if they want to be involved why don't you teach them? Maybe DSD did it secretly as she knows you are watching her. She has said she has been nervous, so maybe wanted to hold her sibling without the pressure of you watching and waiting for her to make a mistake.

I would get both kids involved. Show them properly together how to pick up the baby from the crib. Surely if you are in the shower and the baby started crying it would be nice for you to know that someone could pick up and comfort the baby. Also ask them if they want to know how to change the nappy properly. If you are bottle feeding show them how to feed the baby and burp them. Kids are curious. Better to have them involved than telling them no and they then don't want to help or see their younger sibling as a pain (especially with the age gap).

ishimbob · 02/09/2025 07:41

It's totally reasonable that you don't want your newborn held unsafely

But I think you have sent mixed messages to DSD here - I suspect she doesn't understand that you're fine with her holding the baby and leaving her in a room on her own with the baby but not with taking him in and out of the bassinet.

This was bound to happen at some point - it's hard to ignore a crying baby, if the baby started crying when she was alone with it, she would inevitably have picked the baby up

I think it would be worth going through rules with her and your 11 year old at the same time in a calm, no blame kinda way. And also if you don't trust her to care for the baby (which I think is totally fine - she is only 12 and the baby is very young), you need to be with your baby yourself, not leave her alone with the baby. I don't think our newborns were ever in a separate room so little

Noelshighflyingturds · 02/09/2025 07:42

This is your second child and you’re concerned about a 12-year-old holding it ?
I have four of them by the time I got to number three my four-year-old was swinging the baby around by the ankles.
All is well, no necks were broken.
If you’re not bothered, put the Moey basket on the floor and then there’s nowhere to fall or be dropped from and she can just roll the baby onto her lap

LoveWine123 · 02/09/2025 07:43

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:19

My DSD (12) was visiting, our newborn is 4 weeks old and still has a delicate neck. I am happy with DSD holding her brother as long as one of us has put him in a position that keeps his neck supported. She will hold him from time to time if we are in another room.

However to my horror the other day I saw her taking him out of his Moses basket and putting him back.

Am I being unreasonable in that I feel that’s a step too far?

Why are you on here writing a long post about it instead of teaching your DSD how to pick her up safely?

Some of these threads…the mind boggles.

catom · 02/09/2025 07:44

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:38

@catom should have known really

Yup! Can’t say anything on Mumsnet (should of said bio kid the responses would be much different)

Whatado · 02/09/2025 07:44

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:39

Right just to confirm.
We have 0 issue with any of the children holding the baby. All can as and when they want and are shown how to properly.

the issue is the picking up and putting down which was not done correctly and ended up with LO screaming his lungs out.

the rule applies to all children in our house

That you have just said neither of you have taught them how to do it.

So the issue then lies with you and her father.

So instead of blowing up into some major infraction done on purpose requiring a post on mumsnet, your time probably would have been better spent taking 5 minutes with an 11 year and 12 year and showing them how to do it.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 02/09/2025 07:44

I am also amazed you have other children you found very precious and over anxious about the baby's neck. Was he prem or something?

Blessthismess2 · 02/09/2025 07:44

“Horrified”? About a 12 year old picking up her baby sibling ? So “horrified” you felt compelled to start a mumsnet thread?

what kind of life have you led? I was assuming this must be a PFB baby but then you say you have an 11 yr old? Baffled.

Noelshighflyingturds · 02/09/2025 07:44

ishimbob · 02/09/2025 07:41

It's totally reasonable that you don't want your newborn held unsafely

But I think you have sent mixed messages to DSD here - I suspect she doesn't understand that you're fine with her holding the baby and leaving her in a room on her own with the baby but not with taking him in and out of the bassinet.

This was bound to happen at some point - it's hard to ignore a crying baby, if the baby started crying when she was alone with it, she would inevitably have picked the baby up

I think it would be worth going through rules with her and your 11 year old at the same time in a calm, no blame kinda way. And also if you don't trust her to care for the baby (which I think is totally fine - she is only 12 and the baby is very young), you need to be with your baby yourself, not leave her alone with the baby. I don't think our newborns were ever in a separate room so little

At 12 years old, second year of senior school we were taking relatives babies to the city Centre for days out to look after them all day long.

nomas · 02/09/2025 07:45

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:39

Right just to confirm.
We have 0 issue with any of the children holding the baby. All can as and when they want and are shown how to properly.

the issue is the picking up and putting down which was not done correctly and ended up with LO screaming his lungs out.

the rule applies to all children in our house

Your OP didn’t say baby was screaming his lungs out, bit of a drip feed.

Why don’t you teach her how to pick him up?

My sister is 12 years older me, she was changing my nappies when I was a baby.

Whatado · 02/09/2025 07:45

catom · 02/09/2025 07:44

Yup! Can’t say anything on Mumsnet (should of said bio kid the responses would be much different)

Show quote history

They really wouldn't. Im a SM & I think this post is bat shit crazy but pretty typical of the lack of self awareness so many SPs seem to have about situations concerning step children.

EquinoxQueen · 02/09/2025 07:45

Why can’t you show her how to do it safely? You don’t need to shame or embarrass her just say ‘would you like to see how to pick baby up/put down safely?’

doesnt need to be a big deal.

stichguru · 02/09/2025 07:47

Just show her how to pick the baby up safely?! Why an earth would you think a 12 year old can't pick a baby up safely?!! I have seen 6 year olds pick up a sibling safely once they have been shown how!

Hercisback1 · 02/09/2025 07:47

Why have you not shown both children how to pick up the baby correctly? That's a you problem.

Your language of visiting exposes your feelings about dsd tbh.

Phatgurslyms · 02/09/2025 07:48

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:30

Visiting, staying with us, it was a quick and to the point post. The living arrangements we have really make no difference to this post

They sort of do. The whole post is incredibly revealing. You use words like “horror” to describe how you felt. The issue seems to be your dsd - in your mind.

Original poster

Pinkpetal9999 · 02/09/2025 07:48

@Whatado it involves both of my children, biological included. My son just has never picked up my LO. It wasn’t something any of us had discussed so we didn’t think there was any need to show either of them. As it wasn’t something we were planning on getting the kids involved with until he was able to hold his head properly

OP posts:

TookTheBook · 02/09/2025 07:49

I can't get my head around why the baby was left unsupervised for so long, especially if this was a concern of yours?