Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

I've never been involved in the shopping when my girls have been bridesmaids.

Unless your wife has a very close relationship with the bride I don't think it's remotely surprising that her mother is invited and her step mum isn't

Are there other younger bridesmaids? Are their mothers going shopping?

Does your wife have a relationship with your ex wife?

Is the issue that your wife hasn't been included, which is mean, or that your wife thinks it inappropriate for your daughter full stop?

A kid is going shopping with her mum and your wife is mad about it?

what have the other women got to do with anything? Maybe you could rewrite this so that it makes sense.

Nothing to do with your wife unless she's been involved with your dd since birth and her mum hasn't been around.

The ‘kid’ is going shopping with her half sister and her dad’s ex wife. I mentioned that other women are present in case people thought they were more intimate occasions than they were.

So it’s your ex wife’s half sister that is getting married, or your ex wife?
either way your current wife or you do not need to be involved. Your daughter is 13.

Is it that it is yours and wife's daughter going out with her half sister and mum from your previous relationship? I still wouldn't have an issue unless your ex is really nasty but that is the only way it might make sense. How else did your wife think she would get a dress?

Are you the dad who is getting remarried, and your DD is going shopping with your future wife for her dress? I think that is fine. However, I guess just be sensitive to what your DD wants.

The 13YO DD lives with her mum and dad. Dad has a daughter from a previous relationship so the girls are half sisters. The half sister is getting married and has asked her younger sister to be a bridesmaid. At the wedding dress shop the bride’s mum will obviously be there. Stepmum is jealous.
Do I have that right???

If I do then I think stepmum is being ridiculous. The day isn’t about her. It’s lovely that the half sisters are close enough that DD has been asked to be a bridesmaid and at 13/14 she’s old enough to go shopping on her own even so obviously doesn’t need a parent to supervise.

Are you her dad? Because it would be pretty unusual for a man to go on one of these.

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

It is straightforward. I have no idea why everyone is so confused. It is entirely normal at your daughter’s age and your wife needs to step back.

Your daughter is getting married. Your younger daughter as a teen is her bridesmaid. Lovely.

As bridesmaid she’s going to dress fitting and getting a full on pamper. With her sister. Great. Older daughters mother is obviously there because you know mother of the bride.

Your new wife needs to get over herself. She decided to marry a man who had children and have more children. It’s lovely that both your daughters get on and have clearly a lovely bond.

This is how I read it too
Dad has an older daughter whose getting married
Younger daughter is bridesmaid
Younger daughter going bridesmaid shopping with her older half sister(bride) and brides mum. Who is her dad's ex wife

Dad's current wife, Younger girls mum, not happy about it is that right?

If so the half sisters and brides mum doing these things seems absolutely fine!!! As long as the younger girl is treated with love and respect.

I think your wife should reframe this as being a positive that your daughter with your second wife is being included in the wedding party and being treated fully as ‘one of the family/siblings’. So often in these scenarios the ‘new’ wife is faced with a child from a subsequent marriage being excluded by children from the ‘original’ marriage. It’s lovely to see your older daughter including her younger half-sister. Perhaps your wife could focus on that and not make it all about her…

Of course it’s fine, it’s her sister getting married and celebrating. No need for step mum to be included, the 13 year old is more than capable and doesn’t need mum there.

If it’s a case of your wife feeling left out, what’s the relationship with her step daughter like?

Good grief. Your teen dd is going bridesmaid shopping with her big (half) sister. Other women will be there. There really is no need for any drama. Your dd is entitled to have a relationship with her big sister that is separate from the relationship with her parents. Both parents.

Is your wife always so controlling?

I'm still not sure sorry. Your first 2 posts aren't straightforward although I think I can figure it out from your last post. Your wife is angry because your DD will be with your ex wife, why?

They are half sisters; I am the father of both of them.

I get it now, didn't understand at first. It sounds like your wife is jealous. It's good that the half sisters get along. Kindly she is 13 so old enough really to make these sort of decisions.

I don't see why posters are getting confused.
DD is going shopping with HER older half-sister and the latter's Mum (OP's ex wife).
I don't think YABU and I don't understand why your wife has an issue with it, unless there is a back-story.

I think OP means the mother of the half sister.

FWIW this is fine. She is wedding dress shopping with female family members, not going to an underground rave with older boys.
When I was a bridesmaid for my uncle when I was 13 I loved going with my new aunt to be and her sister - it gave me the chance to get to know them better.
Your wife being there would be very inappropriate. Who would want their ex's new woman hovering about on such an important occasion?

so what's your position?

Hopefully, not the same as your current wife's!

This is where you should step up, both your daughters are happy and it is, after all, your eldest's wedding day.

Please don't cause problems where there should be none.