Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

At my wedding I had my dad, my soon to be ex stepmother, my dad's girlfriend at the time, my mum, my stepdad, his ex wife and my step sister was a bridesmaid. Everyone put differences aside and had a good time, as your wife needs to do. It's not about her, it about your older daughter and her decision to be a family.

I am now a man who knows the intricacies of gel nails.
@ByScott 😹 Well done! You know more than me!

I got dragged along to my cousins wedding dress shopping outing - once there I was told that I'd be a bridesmaid. 😱
I was 15, didn't wear dresses and hated the idea. I told my mum if I ever married, it would be in jeans as it turned out, it was a black trouser suit at a Reg Office in our lunch break
If I had the chance to go back in time, I'd have walked home and left the coven to their fancy dresses.😁

If your DD is enjoying herself, leave her be. Just make sure that you get a really nice photo of her and you on the day.

It was straight forward, I am laughing away at all the mad interpretations 🤣🤣 as for the actual question, your younger daughter is old enough to go out with her elder sister to choose a dress without her mum, it doesn't automatically follow that your wife would be part of that unless she and step daughter are quite close. I didn't have my step mother to my dress appointments

Your ex-wife is your elder daughter's mother.

Yes, I'd say that was entirely normal. In your wife's position I would expect the bride to be the one making arrangements for dresses, etc., and naturally she would want to involve her own mother in this process. No need for my input.

I think I am out.

My daughters are NOT sisters; they are half-sisters as they have different mothers! If they were sisters we wouldn’t even be having these problems. I can’t believe some people’s comprehension skills.

My wife is not vile at all and she was NOT the other woman. Not all men are cheats. Why would people think this?

Your post was clear form the start so not sure why everyone is so confused.

Your wife is being unreasonable. There is nothing wrong with your daughter joining them.

Your wife is being absolutely bat shit

There are many things to be upset about but I think the fact that most of us would not be militant about referring to half sisters as half sisters vs just sisters is a weird one. Whether they are technically half sisters or full sisters, they have a sisterly relationship, hence the younger one being in the older one's wedding.

It's not people's comprehension, it's your writing. You need to learn to write in plain English.

The words "her half sister and her mother" caused the confusion as it could mean your DDs half sister and your DDs mother or your DDs half sister and the half sisters mother, as you eventually clarified. It would have been clearer to have "Her half sister and her half sisters mother. The mother being my ex wife".
Anyhow.
Yes, your wife is being unreasonable. Her input here should only be if the clothing, make up etc may in her view be age inappropriate. In which case, she should discuss that with you for you to speak to your other daughter (the bride) and reach a compromise.

I just think that the op is unreasonable in general tbh

I think that the mum and her daughters should crack on and live their lives

Assuming your younger daughter is enjoying herself on these outings, it all sounds lovely and your wife, who seems to feel threatened in some way by any positive contact her daughter may be having with your ex-wife, needs to deal with those feelings herself without raining on her daughter's parade

@ByScott , I think I am out. I don't blame you. Ask your wife.

My daughters are NOT sisters; they are half-sisters as they have different mothers!
I agree. They are half-sisters.

I can’t believe some people’s comprehension skills.
Some have poor comprehension skills.
Sometimes posts aren't written clearly. Your OP was one of them.

I am sure she's not vile but in this case she is being very unreasonable.

I think there is an unwritten rule somewhere that says ex wives should not get on with new wives/girlfriends and vice versa. Men usually prefer to keep these two women apart because the one thing they have in common is the man. They believe, rightly or wrongly that they only thing they would discuss is the man. This is ridiculous and people should all make an effort to at least be cordial unless domestic violence or horrendous behaviour has taken place.

My best friend is on her second marriage. Her first husband is very much a friend and is also a friend to my friend's current husband. She married young and it just didn't work out. Her ex husband is in her social circle along with his parents and her parents. It was all very amicable. Everyone has a laugh about it.

I actually think it is lovely that your youngest daughter is being included at this level. At the end of the day your wife married you knowing you have a child and an ex wife. Therefore any future events once your eldest child is grown up means her parents will come together, graduation, weddings, christenings, grandchildren's parties etc. By extension, it probably means your wife would be invited too especially if your DD together is invited to future events.

Her big sister is getting married so your wife is being unreasonable unless your ex wife is a psycho / danger to your child

I think this is you problem. It’s very bloody obvious what the Op is saying. He has a child from his first marriage - Child 1. And then one from his second marriage - Child 2. Child 1 is getting married. Child 2 is a bridesmaid. Child 2 is going shopping with child 1 and child 1’s mother. Child 2’s mother is not happy about it. If you STILL don’t understand, there is no hope for you.

Honestly do you and your dw overreact to everything?

I asked if she was the ow as it would explain her being a bit funny about your dd spending time with your first wife. Ow often are very needy that's all. Calm down .

Agree. The number of people being deliberately thick on this thread, probably because the OP is a man, is laughable.

What is your wife so worried about? She needs to get over herself.

This is very much a jealous current wife problem.

half sisters or full sisters, doesn’t really matter, it’s nice to see them be close enough to have your younger daughter be included in the wedding party.
she is a teenager, not a toddler.

your wife is probably feeling excluded as you’ll also play a part in the wedding party alongside your ex wife.

blended families only work when parents put aside all their hatred and jealousy and put the children first.

Wife is jealous. As long as your daughter is comfortable going alone then she is being unreasonable.

I assume your daughter is being well cared for during these outings. Your wife should be glad that your daughter is included. She should not expect to attend. At 13/14 I am sure your daughter can speak for herself etc.

I think that the mum and her daughters should crack on and live their lives

Neither of the mums have daughters plural.

She's 13 not 3 it would be exceptionally weird for your current wife to tag along