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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

348 replies

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:13

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 01/09/2025 11:40

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

Your post is very straightforward

Unless there's some major backstory about your ex wife having a violent nasty streak then your wife is being ridiculous

Hopefully her annoyance isn't impacting your DDs excitement - either of them.

RealEagle · 01/09/2025 11:41

It’s nice both your daughters have a bond .Dont see why your wife would have a problem.

Lurker85 · 01/09/2025 11:41

I think your wife needs to suck it up and sit this one out rather than suck the joy out of a special occasion for you and your daughters.

amber763 · 01/09/2025 11:41

Your wife is being ridiculous. What did she want to happen? To be invited along or for the brides mum not to.be there? Honestly she is being a massive jealous baby.

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/09/2025 11:42

Your wife is being very unreasonable. As a PP has already said, she really shouldn't have had children with a man who already had children from a previous relationship if this kind of thing was going to wind her up.

Hectorito · 01/09/2025 11:43

Look Scott this is all very strange. Your wife needs to take a chill pill and stop making drama where there isn't any. As the Dad you need to have a word with her and tell her to pipe down.

luckylavender · 01/09/2025 11:44

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

It wasn’t straightforward but it is really odd.

MiddleAgedDread · 01/09/2025 11:44

Your daughter is going shopping with her mum and half sister and your wife who is no blood relation to her has an issue with this??
Ridiculous.

Wexone · 01/09/2025 11:44

If there was issues with your ex wife previously then current wife is ok - but if no issues then current wife should let go
Its very nice if your ex wife to arrange this, let sisters be part of this
There is no need for a huge crew to go to wedding dress shopping etc
I say this as someone who went on her own wedding dress shopping and bridesmaids dress etc was ordered online - i don't like fuss nor drama that can come, no one saw my wedding dress untill the wedding day except my best friend

Anonymous23456 · 01/09/2025 11:44

You daughter is going for lunch and to buy a bridesmaid dress with her big sister. She is 13 not 3. She doesn't need her mum with her. Your wife is being unreasonable out of jealousy. Your older daughter, whose wedding it is, will of cause priorities her mums confort, over your current wife.

Robin67 · 01/09/2025 11:45

You could not have been more unclear in the way you have phrased this unless you really tried.

You are a man married to a woman with whom you share a daughter

You have an ex-wife and a daughter from that relationship. This one (your elder daughter), is getting married. She is having your younger daughter, her half sister, as a bridesmaid.

Bride to be is having a girly day out shopping with her mother and half sister but has not included her half -sister's mother/ stepmum/ your current wife.

Your current wife feels excluded.

Have I got that right? If I have, then it is bride to be's prerogative. Your youngest is old enough to enjoy the day with her half sister and doesn't need her mum there. I can understand why your wife feels hurt and it would be nice to include her. But if bride to be is not close to her, if current wife was the other woman and bride to be wants to protect her own mum, or any other reason, then your wife just has to accept that it's not about her. She can't force herself into this and she shouldn't sour the experience for anyone else.

Namenamchange · 01/09/2025 11:46

luckylavender · 01/09/2025 11:44

It wasn’t straightforward but it is really odd.

Show quote history

It really was straightforward and clear.

Namenamchange · 01/09/2025 11:48

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

What does your wife want to happen? Her to be included? Not have been asked? Or for her to go along?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 01/09/2025 11:48

From the first post I thought your ex was your 13 year-old’s mother, but from your subsequent posts I now think your current wife is her mum.

However, it’s your older daughter who has invited your younger one and is responsible for looking after her during the shopping etc, so I don’t think it matters. If you’re happy for your adult daughter to look after the younger one then I don’t see the problem.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 01/09/2025 11:51

@ByScott seriously, you and your current wife will have been asked if your joint daughter could be a bridesmaid!! dont know why your current wife is getting her knickers in a twist unless she thought she would be getting an invite!

cattykinns · 01/09/2025 11:52

I see no issue with a teenager going shopping with her sister for a bridesmaid dress. It’s her sister’s wedding and perfectly normal that big sister would want her own mum there, and not invite her step mum. I think your 13yold is old enough to do this without her mum. Your wife is being a bit odd but maybe this is the first big thing your 13yold has done without mum. Are your older daughter and wife close? Do they have a good step mum/daughter relationship?

Also nothing about your post was confusing, this is just MN being weird as usual.

OrwellianTimes · 01/09/2025 11:54

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:23

The ‘kid’ is going shopping with her half sister and her dad’s ex wife. I mentioned that other women are present in case people thought they were more intimate occasions than they were.

So her dad is getting married? I’d expect her to be involved in that yes, how lovely for her.

I’d hope I’d get a message from bride or groom saying “ here’s the dress she’s chosen” just to make sure it’s not too skimpy or whatever, but I wouldn’t be offended if it didn’t happen.

Pancakeflipper · 01/09/2025 11:55

Providing your ex-wife is not a nasty person, would be slating your wife etc.... well I think it's a lovely outing for your daughters to have. Sounds like it could be a real special treat of a day.

NeatKoala · 01/09/2025 11:58

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:28

I thought that my post was straightforward.

My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.

your wife is ridiculous, her daughter is going with her own sister, perfectly normal.

What does she want? that her own daughter has no relationship with her sister and is left out?

to go as well? because that wouldn't be awkward and bizarre for new wife to tag along and ruin the day 😂

Don't wind her up, just insist on it being nice for her daughter to be involved with her sister.

pinkyredrose · 01/09/2025 11:58

Your wife is unreasonable. Why would she expect to be invited, it's only a bridesmaid dress ffs.

Who were the other women there?

Original poster
ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:59

i don’t know how I am being unclear. Genuinely.

They are both of my daughters but they are half sisters. They have different mothers. People keep saying that they are sisters.

The older one, whose mother is my ex is obviously involved with our daughter’s wedding.

My younger daughter from the wife I am married to now, is obviously shopping, attending appointments, there have been three of them so far as she is a bridesmaid.

What I have got out of this thread is I don’t know why my wife is upset. I don’t know if she wants to be involved as well but I think it’s our daughter mixing with my ex wife.

OP posts:
DaisyChain505 · 01/09/2025 12:01

Your wife is being unreasonable. She needs to put her feelings aside and let her daughter enjoy the bonding experience with her sister.

Original poster
ByScott · 01/09/2025 12:03

To be fair to my wife she hasn’t said anything to our daughter.

According to my elder daughter. The youngest has been getting on like a house on fire with my ex.

I am now a man who knows the intricacies of gel nails.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 01/09/2025 12:05

My younger daughter from the wife I am married to now, is obviously shopping, attending appointments, there have been three of them so far as she is a bridesmaid.

Your initial post made it sound like your daughter was shopping with her mother and that your wife was her stepmother. I still think she's unreasonable.

NeatKoala · 01/09/2025 12:06

ByScott · 01/09/2025 11:59

i don’t know how I am being unclear. Genuinely.

They are both of my daughters but they are half sisters. They have different mothers. People keep saying that they are sisters.

The older one, whose mother is my ex is obviously involved with our daughter’s wedding.

My younger daughter from the wife I am married to now, is obviously shopping, attending appointments, there have been three of them so far as she is a bridesmaid.

What I have got out of this thread is I don’t know why my wife is upset. I don’t know if she wants to be involved as well but I think it’s our daughter mixing with my ex wife.

they ARE sisters...

How bizarre that you the father, would insist on the "half". They're not random people. They could be cousins and still be close.

Your wife is upset because she's jealous and still has resentment towards your ex-wive - which is bizarre also, unless wife 1 dumped you and you've been crying every since, which sounds unlikely. But it's just jealousy, and it's unhealthy.