Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

It's completely clear. I don't understand why it's confusing people.

Pete and Jill used to be married and had a daughter, Ellie. Pete is now married to Rachel and they have a daughter, Beth. Beth and Ellie are half-sisters.

Ellie is getting married and having some shopping trips that include herself, her mother Jill and her half-sister Beth. Jill is no relation to Beth but is her (Beth's) father's ex.

Rachel has the arse for no reason because she thinks it's inappropriate Beth and Jill are spending any time together.

OP wasn't at all confusing and the second wife is being U.

Why is everyone saying she will be with her mam, how have you managed to get to that conclusions?

She will be with her half sister and her sisters mam, they share a dad so thats OBVIOUSLY dads ex wife not her own mother or they would be full sisters.

Christ! The OP’s initial post was completely transparent. He did use ‘her’ twice but put ‘my ex-wife’ in parentheses for clarification.

If the comprehension skills on this post are representative of society as a whole we will get Farage as prime minister.

My younger son did a sport that the eldest did, They are seven years apart, but eldest one ended up assisting with younger one’s team. I remember my partner seeing our son getting out of the car of my elder son’s dad. He said something like’ Christ that was weird.’ And nothing else.

Weird but life is.

Your wife probably doesn’t know what her problem is, it’s probably just a gut thing.

Your wife is being RIDICULOUS!

And she's going to ruin this whole thing. How old is she, 12?

I am now a man who knows the intricacies of gel nails.

Kudos to you you probably know far more about gel nails than I do @ByScott !

I think your [current] wife is being very unreasonable. Your wife is no relation to your elder daughter who is getting married, so she's not going to be involved (it's your first family).

And I think it's lovely of your elder DD and your ex-wife that they're involving your younger DD (and that your ex-wife is OK with that). You should be proud of your DDs (and your ex-wife is behaving far better than your current wife, sorry)

Honestly, your post was crystal clear, comprehension on this site is just shocking 😆

You explained it well.

OP said the below. If he had said 'with her half sister and her half-sister's mother (i.e. my ex- wife), it would have saved confusion.

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I’m following you OP. And yes your wife is being unreasonable. Very normal for a bride to have days out with her bridesmaids and her mum. At 13 your other daughter is of a good age to really enjoy the excitement of it all.

Unless your ex wife is a raging pedophile, I don´t see what the issue is. I would facilitate that my daughter got on with her stepsister and had a healthy relationship with her family. She needs to step back and not ruin it for her daughter.

YABU not to have talked to your wife about why she is upset. Because without that information no one can advise either way. Unless there is a significant back story with ex wife being abusive to wife, I suspect she is just feeling insecure. if there are other insecurities or worries ie seating at wedding (W may be fearing that she will be stuck on the kids table with you and bridesmaid daughter being on top table) talk to your wife about them and then your bride daughter. But as it is, there's not enough information to know if W is being unreasonable in being uncomfortable with this.

of course they are including her, how lovely, it’s her half sister not a stranger! As far as style of dress, if you would prefer it not to be strapless for instance, that’s fine to state, but beyond that your dw needs to sit this out, it’s not her business

It LITERALLY said half sister in the first post, they share the father so cannot have the same mother.

How could it possibly be her 'step mam' wedding (which would be her FATHERS wedding) if hes married to the one objecting?

Its all perfectly clear

Why? Maybe I misunderstood the voting, but I voted YANBU, as OP is not unreasonable to think his wife in being unreasonable (& frankly ridiculous!)

I may of missed it. But in Mumsnet fashion has anyone asked.

Was your wife the other women? Did you cheat on your ex with the current and that is making your current feel a certain way. She stole her life and now her daughter likes her.

Making huge leaps but that’s what we do here sometimes. 😂

Wait until she is not allowed to the wedding and you are on the top table as father of the bride if she is like this now

Given her half sister is an adult and your daughter is 13 then no I don't see the issue that your wife has with not going along.

It would be very different if her half sister was a young teenager and your daughter was 7 or 8 as there wouldn't be a responsible adult related to your daughter whilst getting changed etc

The way to point out that your wife is being unreasonable and over sensitive about this is to ask her if she has issue with your 13 year old spending time out with a friend and their parent without her.....

This is the bit that confused me 'Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.''

I thought you were saying you ex wife is your younger daughters mother. I thought both the daughters shared the same mother but different fathers. I understand now they both have the same father but different mothers.

I would be mindful of your wife's feelings, she might feel like her dd is experiencing something for the first time that she does not get to be a part of.

But she doesn't get to be a part of it. Which she might feel sad about but there are many things she will have to let DD go and experience without her.

I agree! I really can't understand how people are getting so confused - your OP made perfect sense @ByScott (if people can be bothered to read it properly before getting on their high horse that a man dared to post!)

Your daughter (the bride) has invited your daughter (the bridesmaid) to go shopping for dresses, along with bride's mother (your exW) and other female family members - this is a perfectly normal and lovely thing to do.
Your wife is being ridiculous!

Has your wife explained to you exactly why she finds it 'unacceptable' and is angry?

One could surmise that your wife is jealous of her daughters closeness to her half-sister and your ex-wife...but given that your wife is an adult that cannot possibly be the reason why...??🤔

Sarcasm aside, your wife really needs to keep her feelings to herself on this one otherwise she runs the risk of ruining your younger daughter's relationship with her half-sister...which is VERY unfair.

Unless there is a huge back story of your ex wife being nasty to your younger daughter then there should be no problem at all. It actually sounds lovely that your elder daughter is having younger daughter as an attendant and that she and her mum are welcoming younger daughter into the fun of dress shopping and wedding prep.

Of course elder daughter will have her own mum there! Is your wife suggesting she should be invited along to chaperone younger? Why? It sounds like everyone is happy except her (and it would likely be a bit weird/awkward/unnecessary for current wife to tag along).

i guess your wife is feeling left out. It is only appropriate if she stepped in when your daughter (the one that's getting married) and was "her mother" from a very young age.

Otherwise, she keeps her beak out, and is complimentary and nice and kind and sweetness and light when your joint daughter is talking about the wedding things.

So, when are you getting gel nails?

I think it’s lovely that her sister is involving your daughter in a fun shopping and beauty day. Her mother might not like it but should keep her mouth shut and smile for the sake of peace.

I think people were confused by the original post because the wording was open to interpretation.
Would you be accepting of your daughter ...having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)?
This could be read as your daughter having the ex-wife as the mother, and the half-sister being a child the ex-wife has with another partner, before OP and she had the mentioned daughter.

However, regardless of semantics, if you're asked to be a bridesmaid then you generally go shopping (and to other activities) with the people who are buying your dress.

When a friend's teenage DD was asked to be a bridesmaid a few years ago by a friend (who the DD knew), the friend was offered the opportunity to come along as well but just to the dress viewings/fittings. They didn't make a "big day out" of it as such on the first shopping trip, just looked around to see what the various bridesmaids to be liked, then went for coffee, so friend joined them for that. When they'd picked the dresses and were sorting out fittings, then friend facilitated meet ups to allow this.

I can't see why it should be a problem.

Yes it was straightforward.

It is fine for your dd to spend time with her half sis and the half sister's mother (your ex) getting organised for the wedding, plus others are present too so your dd will have a nice time.

How lovely for your dd to be asked. Yes your dw needs to wind her neck in a bit. Was your dw the ow out of interest? As they can often have self esteem issues.

Thank you for this, I was baffled as to why the OPs daughter was to be a bridesmaid for his ex wife! I was imagining both daughters were children.

What you said definitely makes more sense!

OP your wife is being unreasonable - this is your daughters sister!