Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

It's nothing to do with your wife.

Still trying to understand why your wife has an issue and i toccurs to me, is she the kind of mum who feels that she still needs to be very involved in clothing choices/decisions, or any big event in your DD's life? Becuase if so, she also needs to dial that back - at 13, it's normal that they start wanting to do this separately. My dd is younger and already I accept that she's making certain decisions based on what her and my sister have discussed, and that she regularly talks to her older cousin about stuff!

It was unclear because

1 - You didn’t say who your 13 yr old’s mother was - I thought it was your ex wife to start with, until later posts clarified. (when you said “with her half sister and her mother” it could read either way)

2 - You didn’t say who was getting married - shopping for her half sister’s wedding might be seen differently to shopping for her step mum’s wedding, for instance.

Guessing your wife is upset that your joint daughter is getting on well with your ex wife - if that’s how your wife views her relationship with your ex, it’s entirely reasonable of your ex to not want your wife along for shopping. If your bridesmaid daughter was very young, i could understand your wife’s worry. Or if your bridesmaid daughter had a bad or patchy relationship with her half sister / your ex wife, I could perhaps understand her worry. But seems like she’s cross they’re all getting along fine? Which is unreasonable.

Kindly, your wife needs to grow the fuck up. Your daughter is old enough to go with her sister, shes not a toddler or a very young child.

Not sure if I have got this right:

DD1 (from previous marriage) is getting married herself and has asked DD2 (from current marriage) to be a bridesmaid. As part of this, DD1 and DD1’s mother want to take her dress shopping amongst other wedding prep related activities. You are fine with this but DD2’s mother (your current wife) is upset that she is either not included or at the idea of your ex wife taking her? Is that right?

If so, your wife is being unreasonable. This is perfectly normal when asked to be part of the wedding party. If she was 5 it may be different but she is a teenager.

I thought that my post was straightforward.
My wife is annoyed that our daughter is spending time with my ex wife as my elder daughter is planning her wedding.
…….

Your current wife is being a bitch and her unwillingness to accept that you have a past relationship and another child is selfish and immature. How nasty of her to push her own insecurities and petty spite on her daughter to try and make her resent her half sister.

The two daughters are half sisters and a loving relationship should be encouraged.

Your wife is utterly vile.

It wouldn't bother me and I wouldn't expect to be there. She's 13/14, not 3. Shel be fine with her half sister, im sure your ex wife won't cause her harm.

I agree. I read it as DD was going shopping with her own mother and half-sister, and that OP's current wife was DD's step-mother.

No it’s OP’s daughter from a previous marriage who is getting married. The 13 year old is his daughter from his current marriage. The new wife doesn’t like it.

What does your wife want? Surely she doesn't want to be included in the shopping trip? Does she want ex wife, who I assume is mother of the bride, to be excluded? Because if that's the case, she's being very unreasonable!

No, the DD will be with her half sister and the half sisters mum. Not her own mum (who is the new wife).

It’s perfectly clear

So what? Good for you. My husband knows the intrincacies if period pains, curling hair, skin products etc.

as for your question, your wife needs to get a grip. It s great that your daughter is involved. She is a teenager not a baby. And she will have a great time shopping.

Yes, @ByScott clarified after I'd posted that, my subsequent post addressed the dynamics.

OMG, your current wife needs to wind her neck in. I sincerely hope she isn’t expecting an invitation to the wedding, even as your plus 1, sounds as though her cats bum face would sour cream let alone ruin photographs!

If she is this insecure in her relationship she needs to address those insecurities not start kicking off at a perfectly normal and healthy relationship that your daughters and their mother have.

What will be your role in the wedding, I dread to think how she will respond to you being a part of the wedding party, what would she expect, a seat at the top table next to the bride probably!

Just seen the bride is stepsister to the bridesmaid, but hasn’t changed my mind, except to say how great to see step sisters with such a good relationship.

I think vile and bitch are the wrong words to be using here. A bit strong don’t you think.

Come on. You can’t go brandishing those horrible words around as you don’t know the full story.

I think the current wife is being unreasonable and that’s probably through insecurity, but to call her a bitch and vile is just horrible.

Why is it inappropriate?

Because on the face of it a few shopping trips with her sister and your Ex shouldnt be quite so inflammatory.
Presumably there is some backstory between the three adults which probably should influence this but is.

should NOT influence this.

Well I read it the way I read it, which Op has clarified as the right way.

Anyway - who bloody cares. We all know now so let’s move along with trying to get to the bottom of why the Ops current wife is not happy with her DD going shopping with Ops ex wife so that we can best advise.

Jeez

Your wife's being ridiculous. She's hanging out with her sister and her sister's mum. The fact that you used to be married to the sister's mum is neither here nor there.

Your wife is being unreasonable.

I think your wife is behaving in a petty and insecure way. Your daughter is always going to have a connection to your ex wife, because your ex wife is the mother of her half sister. So anytime she went to her half sister’s birthday, wedding, baby’s christening etc she is going to have a relationship with your ex wife as a relative, albeit not a super close one. Your wife needs to let it go. What’s the problem here?

I think its lovely that your daughter has been asked to be bridesmaid by her half sister.

No wonder the GCSE English resit numbers are so high, I'm not sure why basic comprehension is so challenging.

OP your older daughter has kindly invited her younger half sibling to be her bridesmaid and to be involved in all of the bridesmaidy shopping/salon trips, that shows they've got a good relationship, and of course the mother of the bride (your ex wife) will be involved. The only one who is being unreasonable is your current wife, everyone else seems to be being quite mature about it all.

Blended families often contain a lot of hurt feelings. Have a bit of sympathy for your wife not being involved in her DDs experience of being a bridesmaid.