Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

It's probably a bit weird for your wife that your shared DD is mixing with your ex wife

That's just something she's going to have to get over. It's a one off event and it's lovely that your older daughter is including her younger sister - so many family's don't get on

If your wife is keeping her upset away from the kids that's what matters. Talk to her, understand that it's weird, and emphasise that it's a one off occasion.

Is she perhaps also worried about the wedding and things like seating?

@ByScottYou’re not being unclear at all. I think your op was perfectly clear. Not sure why anyone is so confused 😆. It’s lovely that your daughters have a good sibling relationship.

He’s trying to explain who they are to each other as people were so confused. They are half sisters. That is the biological reality of it, and also the crux of what the issue is.

If they were full sisters, there would be no issue because the bride’s mum would also be the bridesmaid’s mum.

OP, your wife is being childish, jealous and ridiculous!

Yabu

It was so clear! No idea why people are confused at all.

I understood your post from the off Op. It was clear. Your DD from your current marriage is going shopping/attending appointments with her half sister ( your DD from a previous marriage) and her half sister’s Mother ( your ex wife).
I think it’s lovely that your elder DD is including her half sister in the wedding. Of course your ex wife will be involved as she’s the Bride to he’s Mother. It can’t be helped.
What exactly does your wife think is inappropriate and why? And what does your current wife want to do to Solve the problems she thinks are there?
It sounds like it all can’t be helped and your current wife is feeling insecure but for no real reason. Your current wife can’t go shopping in place of the brides Mother.

It sounds absolutely fine to me.You know your ex wife. If she is a reasonable person and will treat your youngest daughter with respect then I see know problem and your wife should be happy she has such a good relationship with her sibling.

I was the ex wife who looked after my daughters half sister when we shopped and on the day of the wedding- she was a bit older - 17 and I treated her like she was one of the family, and made sure she wasn’t left out as the other bridesmaids were all in their 20s. Is there any reason why the ex wife wouldn’t do the same?

I understood your post from the off Op. It was clear. Your DD from your current marriage is going shopping/attending appointments with her half sister ( your DD from a previous marriage) and her half sister’s Mother ( your ex wife).

This is still not clear.

Everybody is writing really badly on this thread.

If you don’t know why she’s upset would it be worth asking her?

What were the circumstances of your break-up? Or - what did you TELL her? Was ‘new’ wife involved when you split from the first one and is worried your daughter might be told? Or does your wife believe your ex-wife was abusive to you or not a good person or something? I find it weird you don’t know why this bothers her as you are the person who connects them and you know more than we do. I’d wonder has she genuine grounds for concern around your mutual daughter being around your former spouse? Some exes can have an axe to grind and I can see why a newer spouse might worry. 13 is not a baby but it’s young enough to be vulnerable.

Or is it more your missus felt she should have been invited as the child’s mum? Or because she’s been loving to your older daughter and now feels she’s been sidelined?

If it’s there’s no grounds for worry about your younger daughter being around your ex due to your exes behaviour, then I don’t think it’d be hugely fun for the Bride-To-Be to have to worry about having both her dad’s ‘wives’ together at a wedding dress fitting. Unless you’re missing information from your post and you all celebrate Christmas together or something like Rod Stewart’s former and current spouses 😂

I feel like speaking to her about it might actually enlighten you as to whether she has anything to be legitimately upset about or not? Because we’re all
assuming she’s just in a FOMO huff. And it might not be that.

Edited as I had misread the OP.

OP's daughter is the wife's daughter.

It is very straightforward, people seem to have lost the ability to read and comprehend these days.

I think that your wife is being unreasonable in this situation, her daughter is old enough to go without her Mum on this occasion, and unless current wife and ex wife are great friends it would spoil the event for the bride and mother of the bride, I would have thought.

Unless there's more to this story - a long history of dislike/abuse/issues with your exwife and current wife for example - your current wife is being ridiculous. if she has concerns that your older DD and her mother might select inappropriate clothing for your DD, perhaps that is a concern but it seems unlikely.

The reality is that your younger DD is at an age where, through friends, family or outside activities, she is going to start developing independent relationships with other adults. In this case, her sister's mum. This is actually a very healthy and normal thing.

Younger DD is current wife's DD.

Your wife is being unreasonable imo.
What is she angry about?

Did your Wife#2 not realise you had DD#1 with wife #1?

Surely she knew this would happen one day?

Wife #2 is definitely being unreasonable.

I think your original post was a little wooly but subsequent posts have clarified.
You are the father to both
they are sisters
your wife is upset because the daughter she shares with you is going shopping with her SISTER and her sister's mother-the MOB who is your ex wife.

I think you and your current wife are being ridiculous.
Your younger daughter is 14 not 4.
She is being included and is delighted.
Don't rain on her parade.

Then your present wife needs to accept that the bride to be wants her half sister to be bridesmaid and that your ex wife, who’s is mother of the bride, is going shopping too as anyone would expect. No need for all these mothers

The only reason that your wife should have any issue with this is if she feels that your ex wife would be unkind to your DD. That's what I would care about. I wouldn't have wanted any of my DC to spend time with my DH's ex wife because she is a horrible person (especially to her own child- my DSS).
If your DD feels happy and safe then it should be fine. And so lovely that both your DDs get on so well.

Jeezo, what is wrong with some people's reading skills? The scenario is very straightforward!

OP turn it around - if your younger daughter was the one having some sort of special event which your wife was taking her to, and daughter said she'd like her (half) sister to go too, how would your wife feel about your ex tagging along?

The main "star" of the show here is your older daughter. She is going shopping with her mum, and her bridesmaid. This is not a group activity that other people need to be invited along to.

Sounds like new wife is jealous that her daughter likes your Ex wife. From the updates.

There is absolutely nothing unclear in that post. It couldn't be any clearer

So the wife who is getting upset the girls mother?
I don't know if it would upset me but it seems quite normal for the bridesmaid to go shopping for dresses with the Bride and the Brides mother.

Does your older daughter want your wife (her stepmom?) involved? What are relations like between your ex and current wife? Will current wife be at the wedding?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)?

For those who can't understand why it is unclear, it this this sentence. The subject of the sentence is the daughter. The two 'her' in italic above are possessives referring to two different people. It is very easy to read as being the daughter's half sister and the daughter's mother. I had to read it several times to get it to make sense to me.

Back to the point: current wife/mother of 13 year old needs to get over herself. It is great that the two daughters get on so well that one is being bridesmaid for the other, and that first wife is being so welcoming of her daughter's younger half sister. If current wife is jealous of this, she needs to ask herself why that is. At 13, the girl is quite old enough to go dress shopping without her mum there to hold her hand. Why is she so insecure in what is obviously not a recent relationship that she doesn't want her child around her husband's ex-wife? Ask her to describe exactly what she thinks is inappropriate.