Daughters, wives, bridesmaid dresses

[ByScott]

Would you expect to be involved in going shopping/choosing a bridesmaid dress for your 13/14 year old daughter?

Would you be accepting of your daughter having lunch/shopping and having beauty/hair appointments with her half sister and her mother (my ex- wife)? There are other women present as well.

I can’t see how this can be avoided? My wife is angry and feels it is inappropriate.

It’s really sad that you’ve taught both your daughters (who ARE sisters) that they aren’t. What a weird situation. It brings a completely different angle to your posting and family dynamic .

The eldest daughter is OP’s daughter. The 13 year old is also the OP’s daughter. But she definitely NOT the older daughters sister!

Ok so sibling are sibling even if half siblings

Your wife cant articulate to you why she is upset with her dd spending time with your ex - im guessing very mixed feelings for her - jealous with ex spending time with dd, feeling a bit left out, perhaps a little threatened by ex and dd relationship.

But why on earth would her children be invited to your dd half siblings wedding?

Last worditis!

Not sure how to vote as not sure what you think.

Your current wife IBU.

It is normal for a teen bridesmaid to be included in the planning and preparation - shopping, fittings etc - for a wedding. Your present wife is being odd in thinking otherwise.

Your OP was really confusing.
It only really became clear at 11.59 post, what you meant.
But even then, not what you were asking if you WBU about or not.

Your wife is being ridiculous. I think she’s feeling insecure that your DD is spending time with your ex wife, for whatever reason. But she just needs to get over it. And it’s your DD decision who comes to the wedding. If she doesn’t want your current wife’s older children there then that’s up to her. Assume she’s not close to them?

OP - gets married, has a daughter.

Divorce, still has a daughter.

OP remarries - still has a daughter PLUS a new daughter with new wife.

OP now has: an ex-wife
a current wife
2 daughters, from 2 different women

One daughter getting married, invite the other daughter to be a bridesmaid and dress shopping with all the wedding party, including her own mum, the old wife.

New wife: upset and having a strop.

OP: very careful to make sure the girls know they are HALF-sisters, mustn't call each other SISTERS because they are not.

New wife and OP: completely ridiculous, daughters sounds lovely to have a normal relationship, new wife lucky to get out of that nonsense 😂

Excellent summary @NeatKoala

Just need to add in 2nd (and current) wife also had (now adult) dc from her previous relationship. Obviously not related to OP's older dd, and have no relationship with her, so they (as most of us would expect) aren't invited to the wedding. Odd to think they would be really.

No, the post was confusing - I read "her mum" as meaning your daughter's mum, and thought the daughter's stepmother (your current wife) was angry at being excluded. And you didn't even give a hint as to who the bride might be.

The bridesmaid does her shopping with the bride, and the bride makes the decisions. Tell your wife to stop being daft.

The opening post was only confusing for those who didn't read the post in its entirety and then apply common sense. You are being unreasonable calling other people 'daft'.

What a lovely thing that your teenage daughter has been included to such a degree in her HALF (just in case you have a go) sister's wedding. I'm sure she is thrilled. That's really all that matters.

It's so nice for the two sisters to share in the wedding things together, and your younger daughter is definitely old enough not to need her mum there. Your wife is being unreasonable.

Sorry, didn't RTFT

Unless your ex wife is going to bad mouth your wife or you, to your younger daughter, and there's bad blood between you all, then I don't really understand why your wife is upset. She married you knowing you had a daughter and an ex-wife, there were always going to be times when you all need to mix. In this situation your ex wife was always going to be present, she's your elder daughter's Mum. Your wife wasn't going to be involved in this part of the arrangements. From the updates you have posted, I think your wife is jealous of the fact your ex-wife is spending time with your daughter. I think she's feeling left out because she's not part of this process. Your younger daughter and elder daughter are half-siblings, so they are blood related. Your wife's adult children are your elder daughter's step-siblings. Unless they are particularly close and/or grew up together, then it's not surprising they haven't been invited. Would your wife's children, invite your elder daughter to their wedding? Unfortunately, your wife is going to need to overcome her own emotions, and instead look upon it as a lovely thing that her daughter is being included in the celebrations and has been asked to be a bridesmaid.

......sorry, where's the issue?

That now makes perfect sense. I think it’s a wedding and it’s her half sister. The fact your ext is there, is only because she is the mother of the bride. Really people make such a fuss about strange things.

I agree what's wrong with people? It was very clear!!

Thanks, now I get it. It was who the mother of the daughter in question was that had confused me.

OP, it’s perfectly fine. Your wife, her mother, is overreacting. Big time.

There is no issue. She's spending time with her half sister who's mum happens to be accompanying them ....

I have read the updates and I am clear who everybody is.

It's perfectly OK for your younger daughter to go shopping with her half-sister and half-sister's mum. It is lovely she is included.

Your wife would be unreasonable to object, but I can understand why she would be uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable when my adopted DS chose to spend time with his Birth Mum. It didn't impact on our relationship at all, but I did have childish pangs of jealousy about it.

If she is saying her children from a previous relationship should be included (step brother and sister) then I think this is an unreasonable expectation unless they spent a lot of time together when they were younger? But in any event, it's up to the Bride and Groom who they want at their wedding.

If only that had been his OP 🧐

Sounds like your daughter is having a lovely time with her sister and her sisters mum, your ex, is also being lovely to her.

Presumably it was agreed your daughter could be a bridesmaid.

Your wife is being ridiculous!

Was about to say if 13 year old didn't really know any of the people involved in the bridesmaid dress shopping and wasn't comfortable going by herself it'd be important to find a solution that worked for her. But that's not the case. She's fine with it.

I think your wife may have suddenly understood that her daughter having a half sibling is a life long thing in a way that hasn't come up before. The wedding will happen and there'll probably be a chunk of time with less contact between the 13 year old and her half sister's mum. But the the half sister and her husband might have kids making the 13 year old an aunt (?half aunt) who might want to be involved with her nieces/nephews which will probably involve some contact with the half sister's mum.

I think you can only wait and see how it plays out - your wife is likely to become more comfortable over time. In the very long term your 13 year old will be adult able to manage relationships with her half sibling and related people independently.

Your post is very confusing.
Who is getting married? I assume half sister? And your ex wife is the mother of your daughter?
Who should be involved? You or your wife?

Couldn't you just write it down as XY is getting married, she is my daugther's half sister and my daughter is bridesmaid. Shall my wife be involved? She is a stepmom.