Giving up gossip

[ratatouille99]

Has anyone ever actively done this?

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality. I'm fed up of feeling guilty whenever this happens, which isn't all the time, but enough for me to be writing this post. I'm actively going to either walk away, or listen quietly, and have prompts ready for when I do not want to be involved. All the best people I know are impartial. Though I'm worried people will think I'm being standoffish and have 'changed'.

Has anyone else actively chosen to stop being involved in drama, even indirectly or after being drawn in, and their feelings improved?

They came onto this tread and said they were "armoured up". They want a fight.

It is a shame as it could have been an interesting thread and helpful for OP and anyone else who struggles with similar issues.

Amongst the spats on here I have found some of it useful.

100 percent mean mentality! Just wanted to bate people.

I try not to get too involved with gossip these days, I also ensure I don’t talk about people unless it’s common knowledge/ agreed or really general and make a conscious choice not to say bitchy things behind people’s backs. We all know those who do and if someone tells me not to tell anyone else something, I never do! I know if some people who do this about others all the time and it kind of got about and consequently they are not always trusted! Life lessons have taught me this - I’m not miss perfect but I feel happier not doing it

That’s your opinion. You assume your opinion is correct. That is your downfall. You are emotionally attached to your opinion . It’s arrogance but I’m certain you will deny any kind of personal arrogance.

Ok and that is your opinion. Everyone is allowed one so we will just have to agree to disagree

Ok then

Also, had a really horrid experience last year when a friend said something about me that was really bitchy, I have known her since I was little so I think it was more from her own insecurities than anything BUT at an event I went to which her friends were at and I was too one of them accidentally blurted out something horribly mean about me!! To be fair, she totally owned it afterwards but she’d obviously had a right gossip about me behind my back and our worlds don’t often collide as we live in different places, but this time hey did and I almost ended our friendship over it to be honest it hurt so much

Yes when someone tells me not to tell anyone else something then they can be assured what they are telling me stays with me. But more often than not they are telling me stuff that they have been told not to tell others too.
It is not necessarily nasty things but a lot of it is news that is not theirs to share.

You’re doing the right thing. I hate to be dragged into gossipy conversation, it makes me feel grubby. I have a friend who loves to tell me details of the lives of people I’ve never even met. I find it incredibly boring but as she’s a good friend and interesting in other ways I tend to change the conversation/say something non-commital or just occasionally outright say ‘I don’t really want to talk about X’s marriage breakdown (for example), I find it quite sad.’ It mostly works although she sometimes forgets it’s me she’s talking to and starts up again 😅 YANBU