Giving up gossip

[ratatouille99]

Has anyone ever actively done this?

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality. I'm fed up of feeling guilty whenever this happens, which isn't all the time, but enough for me to be writing this post. I'm actively going to either walk away, or listen quietly, and have prompts ready for when I do not want to be involved. All the best people I know are impartial. Though I'm worried people will think I'm being standoffish and have 'changed'.

Has anyone else actively chosen to stop being involved in drama, even indirectly or after being drawn in, and their feelings improved?

The Surprising Benefits of Gossip | Scientific American

These are great. Thanks for sharing.

people pleasing is not positive in anyway, shape or form. You are deliberately misinterpreting the meaning. The OP is trying to ‘people please’ the people she is bitching about. She obviously isn’t trying to ‘people please’ the people she is bitching about 🤣. The op is not trying to dress up the term ‘people pleasing’ as nice. It isn’t and nobody is saying it is apart from you!

The OP is taking responsibility for herself and trying to do better!

do you have any understanding of ND?

If you say you are “people pleasing” it means that you are pleasing people

That is positive

so I think labelling something like gossiping as “people pleasing” as utterly daft! And thankfully, I’m not alone!

I think you need to read the posts quoting me and agreeing, or posting very similar to me @Dodeedoo

No that is how you are choosing to understand it. Most people understand it as a weakness and not a good thing.

I don’t. I’m not a people pleaser 🤣

I think ‘too nice’ is fake.. also a negative

No one is

Yes I do.

Generally at work there is a level of gossip flying around. I don’t know anything juicy ever and couldn’t care less except I also don’t stop people in their tracks and lecture them on their behaviour. Usually it is something that happened such as a promotion or someone leaving the business and the person saying, “Did you hear this?” Nope, not till they blabbed.

People pleasers are trying to keep everyone happy by being inauthentic. It does exist.

Robin Dunbar says it all much better than me in his book 'grooming, gossip and the evolution of language' but it's partly about knowing your place in 'the tribe' and can be traced back to chimps.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grooming,_Gossip_and_the_Evolution_of_Language

I agree. But, obviously, I am ‘not understanding ND’ now.

You are right. It is spineless but it derives from lack of assertiveness and wanting to keep people sweet.. not rock the boat.

anyway you are entitled to your opinion.

No I asked you a genuine question. You are just being goady and wanted a row with someone.

This.
People pleasing can be a coping mechanism and masking behaviour in ND people.. OP is seeing a ND specialised therapist who has told her so yet someone on here said she must have a rubbish therapist.
I have gone to group therapy for people with ASD and the same thing was also said.
Part of unmasking is finding your authentic self and OP is wanting to do that.

Oh here we go. I can assure you I am not being goady. I have absolutely no reason to be goady. Did I answer your genuine question?

Yes you did. You said you understood it. Anyway, I’m not getting into a row with you. I’ll leave you to do that with someone else as you are clearly busting for it. Enjoy the rest of your day ❤️