Giving up gossip

[ratatouille99]

Has anyone ever actively done this?

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality. I'm fed up of feeling guilty whenever this happens, which isn't all the time, but enough for me to be writing this post. I'm actively going to either walk away, or listen quietly, and have prompts ready for when I do not want to be involved. All the best people I know are impartial. Though I'm worried people will think I'm being standoffish and have 'changed'.

Has anyone else actively chosen to stop being involved in drama, even indirectly or after being drawn in, and their feelings improved?

OP said this

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser. When people are gossiping around me I find myself commenting based on what I think they want to hear. Often getting drawn in. I am neurodivergent (ADHD/ASD) and therefore often do things to try and fit in. This may also be down to my personality

She literally says she is a people pleaser and says what she thinks people want to hear to fit in.

Are you saying that because the op uses the term “people pleaser” to describe herself it therefore definitely exists?

It does definitely exist

I'm not an actively gossipy person, but I am a people pleaser.

”not an actively gossipy person”

nonsense. The op gossips. Own it.

“Definitely” 🙄

@PreciousLittleLifeForms do you think of yourself as a “people pleaser”?

It literally does though. Do some research. Open your mind.

I love pleasing my children and my closest two friends

guess I’ll start calling myself a “people pleaser” then.

But that is an example of lacking integrity. Integrity is when what you think aligns with what you say and do.

That isn’t what people pleasing is. Why are you refusing to open your mind?

anything and everything these days - you can find a body of work and experts that will say something exists

and can be countered by a different body of work and experts that say the same thing doesn’t exist

It does exist and I am not sure on your insistence that it does not. It exists as a term in psychology and is a term used in therapy.
I have also answered your other question.

you say you’re not a people pleaser @Dodeedoo

may I ask why you are so sure some people are people pleasers?

Yup

but brace yourself…

It is a psychological term. Look it up.

I am hoping they might learn about it when they go back to school tomorrow.

Or sober up

I’ll leave the people pleaser defenders to crack on. I’ve got to get school uniform sorted for tomorrow (not mine 😆!)

No they won’t. I would never condone a bully. It is scary stuff that you refuse to open your mind to real psychological issues. I hope you don’t have a child who goes to you with those issues because your utmost refusal to even try to understand is astonishing

This is what we have come to, unfortunately. The language can be manipulated and twisted.

2+2=5.

You keep jumping onto different things to justify your ignorance.
I have never once condoned bullying or gossiping.. not once!
not all people pleasers are bullies, they are most likely the opposite.
anyway you refuse to believe the term exists even though it does.
night

You really need to do that yourself. You have come onto this thread and offered nothing constructive..just abuse and a sheer need to have a good fight with someone.