Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

But presumably you’re an adult, you don’t need gifts for passing some exams for your career. Your parents are being very ginormous paying for you and your brother to go on holiday, you should be grateful.

But you don't know this as an absolute.

Make peace with it. I know it seems unfair and you might have to grit your teeth once or twice, but you still get a great family holiday. And you've got savings your DB hasn't, so your life will run more smoothly anyway. He's a lump of chaos.

Enjoy your holiday and try to lose the resentment. You can't know what 'might' have happened. Your DB might break his leg and be unable to go anyway.

How old is your little brother?

Saving is never for no reason. You've still got the money.

How old are you OP because genuinely you must be 12 winging “it’s not fair”.

You’re getting a free trip and have £3000 you didn’t expect to have. If you are that arsed you can simply say no thanks to the trip.

Grow up…’it’s not fair’!!
yes you’ve saved hard and gone without so you can save money, you’ve now got a free holiday and a sum of money. You really need to get over this or your (free) holiday is going to be miserable if you’re just going to take the resentment with you.

Why do you care if he pays or not. It's like you want to be the only one getting a free holiday. I get it because you passed an exam and he clearly didn't. But just be grateful your parents are so generous and enjoy your money. Your brother isn't sponging off you.

I assume this isn’t the only time something like this has happened?

I have a brother who is the golden child, it is horrible. His achievements are so much more important than mine, even when they actually aren’t, so I get it. Unfortunately in my experience it’ll never change, he will always be the favourite

Your attitude is causing you unhappiness. I sincerely hope you can find a way to focus on your own successes and good fortune because it sounds like you have a lot going for you that is being overshadowed by your scrutiny of “fairness” between you and your brother.

The OP needs to change her mindset as it's not conducive to happy life and good relationships.

You’ve got lots in savings now to splurge!

Do you live with your parents Op?

I think you need to turn down the offer of a free holiday because, for possibly a big backstory of reasons we don’t know about, you clearly aren’t taking the gift with a good grace and accepting that your brother is also getting a gift. I can’t imagine it is going to end up being enjoyable for anyone with that much bitterness.

Spend the money you saved on a holiday for yourself doing what you want, with who you want.

Exactly

This is not a happy person. Not happy at all.

I’m 26.

I self funded the SQE (nearly £25,000 all in with exam fees and the prep course fees), while working two jobs and saving for this trip.

He doesn’t save at all and gets the same trip for free. That is not fair, whichever way you try to paint it!

Honestly you sound ridiculous and ungrateful. You have a free holiday and now do does your brother. You don’t get to tell your parents how they spend their money. So what if he didn’t save the money, your parents don’t care and want him to still come. You can feel a little annoyed but you sound like you are throwing a tantrum which is really immature.

And how oldnis your brother???

Wow. Just wow. The sibling resentment is palpable.

Is this the real issue? That you think it wouldn’t happen the other way around, and it’s revived some childhood issues?

It might be that, in future, these aren’t people you want to be spending much time with, or going on holiday with.

Did he actually say he would definitely save?
If so I can see your point. I'm wondering if they'd bail him out anyway even if you hadn't passed your exams. My guess is yes

Well why don't you just turn down the free holiday and say you'll pay for it so your brother has to do the same? Then he's not getting the free holiday and you get to spend the 3k you've saved up. Everyone's happy then right? Oh no that would just be you because your brother isn't getting something for free.

Jesus Christ you have a spare 3k that you weren't expecting to have and could do loads with. How this is a situation you are angry about i have no idea.

BECAUSE OF THE EXAMS!!! If I hadn’t passed I’d be handing over 3 grand!

ITS STILL FREE!!!

That's information you didn't share in the op.

Are you the black sheep?

He hasn’t done anything to deserve the gift. That is my issue.

It may not be fair. Many things are not. You can continue to obsess on it, allowing it to fill your headspace. Or accept it, accept your parents can do what they want with their money, and determine to have a great holiday. You won’t if you’re continue to focus on it.

Going forward just do your own thing re holidays. Also accept your parents can spend their money as they wish. Fair or otherwise. If it’s too difficult then detach somewhat from the relationship.

I get it op. Most on here won’t though.

You have saved £3k
You still have that to spend on SOMETHING ELSE

you still live with your parents don’t you?