Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Nope. Both still at home.

You live with your parents… yes?

does your brother?!

Don’t forget to stamp your foot as well!

It was a gift because they’re proud. Is that okay?

Do you understand that parents rewarding for you being proud is a nice thing to do and not a given?

It is unfair if they wouldn’t have funded you if you hadn’t saved, I suspect as others have suggested there is an element of your brother being the golden child. However you can’t change that and what do you want to achieve? Do you want your parents to acknowledge their favouritism? Do you want them to acknowledge they have devalued their gift to you? What is the potential fall out? Will they side with your brother? It doesn’t sound like a happy family holiday so do you really still want to go?

That’s irrelevant. I wouldn’t have taken a second job had I known this would’ve been the outcome if I’d not saved, and I maybe wouldn’t have burnt out after my exams.

Nope. Both still at home.

I bet that's fun 😆

There you go then. You've got £3K to put towards moving out and growing up a bit.

You've made up your mind you're not being unreasonable. Why did you post then?

As I’ve told you. Yes he does.

Did you stamp your foot, Verruca Salt style, when you found out?

Crikey OP, your parents changed their mind about it. It's annoying, it's done, move on. You're acting like you're five.

It's a shame that you missed the module 'Life isn't fair - the sooner you accept it the happier you'll be' . Perhaps further study is required?

How can you be so sure that if you hadn’t saved or passed your exams that you wouldn’t be going on the trip? But your brother still would?

Are you saying that your parents treat you so differently? Why is that?

Tbh if I knew that I probably wouldn’t want to go on the trip anyway.

It's hard to tell from OP's responses so far whether we're looking at a golden child situation or OP just enjoys playing the victim. It seems the latter to me at the moment. OP, situations change and parents are human beings who adapt to those changes. So originally, it was you would both pay your way. You then do well in your exams and they think it would be nice to treat you to the holiday. They then think it would be nice for the whole family to share in the celebration. Totally normal parent behaviour.

Why are you so convinced that if it was you who hadn't saved, they would not have paid for you? Is there form for this, or are you just being attention seeking? Waiting for a drip feed here.....

How do you know you wouldn’t be going on holiday if you haven’t saved? If you’d turned round and said you couldn’t afford it, you don’t know they wouldn’t have said you couldn’t go.

Life's not fair and some day you'll receive something you don't really deserve. Someday you'll work hard for something and still not get it.

You're at risk of cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Your brother's happy because he gets a holiday. You should be happy you're getting a free holiday. I haven't received a single penny from my parents since I was 16 and working, and you're stamping your foot with your lip out when your parents are handing over 6 grand to you both?

Grow up

its a shame parents even mentioned your exams instead of just saying we wanted to take you both on holiday

I do. Because they stressed throughout the entire year that it was important we saved or we’d not be going. Evidently that doesn’t apply to him.

I do get it and think many pps are not really understanding the situation.

Unless there is a back story where every year the OP pays for her own holiday & DB gets it for free. And some years she has missed out because she didn't save enough. No mention of that though?

Or perhaps the OP has paid rent for years & the brother doesn't? Again no mention.

I’d feel the same way as you OP. Most people on this thread obviously haven’t had a piss taking sibling! My sister gets bailed out all the time while I work by backside off for everything I have!

I'd just say something like, 'Thanks Mum. What is DB's achievement? I'll get him a congratulations card.'

Watch her squirm trying to think of SOMETHING he succeeds in.

Because I just know that’s how the family is. If they’d helped me with my exams I could’ve had a house deposit by now, but they said it would be my responsibility. But he doesn’t have to take that responsibility?

Of course. a gift can be for any reason, or none.

But once you treat a gift to you as something you “earned” and someone else didn’t then you’re the one not thinking of it as a gift any more.

Isnt it unreasonable to deny your parents the right to gift a holiday to a child even if they aren’t proud?