Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

sibling rivalry
they feel bad for your brother, it takes the shine away from you
they are trying to be fair

Do you actually want your brother not to come? Because that's what would happen if your parents didn't pay for him. Would that make you happy?

Can you look on it that not only are you getting a free holiday, but you now have all that money to spend while you're away? Your brother might get a free holiday but he's going to have to economise or do without other things to have the spending money that you can lavishly dispose of.

So use the money you saved to buy yourself another gift. And you also have the free holiday. It’s a win-win for you whichever way you look at this 🤷‍♀️

Yes? We agreed a year ago how much we’d pay. He’s not saved and now still gets to go!

You’ve saved a load of cash though that you now have and your brother doesn’t. Go spend! Enjoy!

This is bizarre, you are both getting it for free which is completely fair

Urgh so don’t go then. That’ll learn ‘em.

And you now have all that lovely money that you saved to spend on something else for yourself.

BTW what was the professional qualification you got? I'm curious since you sound like a baby and wondered how you got to college wearing a nappy.

But you’ve presumably now also got a nice lump of cash to enjoy AND a lovely free holiday?

You should be doing backflips!

I’m getting a free tip because I worked my butt off for three years to pass incredibly hard exams, not because he couldn’t save

No you are getting it for free because your parents are paying for you.

Passing exams doesn't come with a free holiday...

you can only look on the bright side here, that you now have a chunk of savings you wouldn't otherwise have.

It sounds like he's a favoured child.

So is this a golden child situation? That would be useful context.

The OP is still getting it for free!

It’s the premise.

For the last year I turned down trips with my friends to save. I went without treats like coffees and things at work, so that I could save to have the money to pay for the trip and then spending money, all while funding my exams. He hasn’t done that, he’s been irresponsible and hasn’t saved, and he’s been rewarded for it!

It’s what they’re gifted to me though, and they have gifted that because I passed.

Next time don't save or don't go?

OP honestly move on from this one. Seriously!! Parents would never pay for one and not the other; if the shoe was on the other foot you’d still be going. You’re quids in here as you’ve now got some savings to do as you wish with. Don’t be so angry about it!!

Wow, there are some harsh messages here.

Your parents offered to pay for you as a reward for hard work. Then your brother gets the same reward for nothing! I can see why you’re upset, even if others can’t.

I suspect your brother is the golden child!

Are you sure you want to go on holiday with them/him? Doesn’t sound like you like him very much!

I think your parents are right to treat you equally - If we give anything significant to one, we’d also give the other the same. DH’s parents treated one of three much different to the other two and it’s caused no end of resentment and still does. They’re 50’s and 60’s now and have a poor relationship because of previous unfairness.

It’s what they’re gifted to me though, and they have gifted that because I passed.

But you understand they are under no obligation to gift you anything?

But you still have all of your savings to spend as you wish.... sorry I don't get why you are upset.

I would just be happy at a free holiday, exams or not.

can you look at it this way - your parents are taking you both on a family holiday to celebrate your exam success?

Your reward for “going without” is all the money you saved. You have two things to celebrate now.

Sure. But the fact of it is, I did something difficult and got a gift.

He’s wasted nearly 3 grand and gets the trip for free!

No because it’s not fair. He acts irresponsibly and gets a free trip, I’m responsible and it’s treated the same way? But if I hadn’t saved I’d not be going on holiday.