Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Yeah, you sound it. 🙄

”Incredibily happy” people don’t sweat the small stuff.

Yep.

The OP's parents told her that they're paying for her as a gift , to reward her hard work to pass the exams - i.e. behaving in a way they want to encourage. The siblings were both supposed to save for the trip, and the OP managed to do that too, while studying.
The brother, on the other hand, is effectively being gifted his trip as a reward for failing.
I can understand why the OP might feel there is a double standard being applied, but I don't think there's anything to be gained from dwelling on it. OP should point out the double standard once, calmly, just to get it off her chest, then drop it.

OP, you're really going to struggle in life dealing in absolutes. My younger life was similar in some way to yours. My older DB lived at home working dead-end jobs into his 40s (rent-free for 15 of those years I'll add), was taken on 2 holidays to the other side of the world, given £15K towards a car etc. DM pandered to his every whim. Me? Left home at 22, married, started my family at 25. Mortgage, loans etc, worked hard and developed my career. 30 years on... own my own business, mortgage free, completely debt free, children are adults and moved on happily. My only help from parents ever was £6K getting started in business. DB in his late 50s has no career, a mortgage he can barely afford and is still tapping parents for money. Let it go... I've been in the better position now for years. Sitting there seething will only hold you back.

Yes, a picture is emerging of why mum might be keen to have the son on holiday with her.

Bit of light relief from the daddy and daughter duo.

Imagine being 26, up in your bedroom of your parents house as you still live with them, spending your entire Saturday furiously tapping out posts about how furious you are that your holiday treat is also being given to your brother so your parents can enjoy a holiday with both their children.

I wonder if the OP catches herself and thinks “fuck… I’m in my mid twenties, alone in my childhood bedroom, with my parents downstairs, furious on mumsnet… I need to change something!!”

And this is where it all falls apart. You started the thread by saying the holiday payment was due this weekend, but you’re close enough to departure to have bought your currency and he hasn’t got time to get euros, so presumably you’re travelling tomorrow or Monday.

Your parents have paid for both of you since the beginning then, they’d have to have done. If you’ve known about the trip for a year it must have been booked with a deposit paid and the balance would have been due weeks and weeks ago. He was always coming. They were always accepting of the fact they were paying if either of you didn’t save, because they’ve already paid.

100%. If her son doesn’t go it looks like she’d be ditched while her husband and daughter go off to sporting events together and whisper behind her back.

I don't get why everyone does not agree with your point of view your parents sa id they would treat you yet your brother gets the same treat for nothing really hope you enjoy the sporting event!

I think we've all been played. OP never wanted to know if she was unreasonable. She just wanted what she clearly feels like she needs and that is attention. We've all just played right into her hands.

Any plans for your Saturday night op? Out with friends?

I have the same situation in my family with my younger sister. You are correct it is infuriating. I'm 47 now and it sadly will always be the same. I think it's something to do with being the youngest and therefore being able to always act like a spoilt baby. I feel you 100% but others who haven't lived it will never 'get' it. The best thing you can do is move out and make your own way without having to witness this shit on a regular basis.

A free holiday is shit?

Yeah, she’s jumped the shark here.
Too late for him to get Euros but the balance only just needed paying this weekend?

That’s not what you are doing though.

You are engaging your dad in talking about your mum and your brother behind their backs.

That is his wife and son.

You have zero respect.

This attitude is the consequence of lacking real life experience...

So, hes appeased to your utterly toddler behaviour by buying you more stuff.
This is truly incredible.
Im utterly flabbergasted.

I said I found it unfair. He agreed. I’m his daughter.

Especially as you can buy euros at the airport. Or in Tesco.

It takes some serious mental gymnastics to twist “free, unexpected holiday” into “treating one of her children like shit”.

If you have ANY morals, you will turn this holiday. It’s not right that someone who bears this attitude towards her mother should benefit from said mother’s generosity. Do you not feel that yourself?

Treating her children like "shit".
My goodness, scary that you'll have a corporate role with the emotional intelligence of a toddler.

Not sure if you meant to tag OP.

Your suggestion is the obvious alternative.

And he is your brothers father and decided to gift him money also!

Get over yourself!