Family holiday, my parents gifted to me and are now saying my brother doesn’t have to pay

[FamilyHolidayTroubles]

My adult brother and I are going on a trip with my parents. It was said from the start that we had to pay for ourselves, and every month I’ve been putting aside a certain amount to make sure that I had my share covered, and all of my spending money for the trip.

I recently passed some very important professional exams, so my parents said they’d pay for my share of the trip - essentially gifting me my saved money back.

They’ve now said though that it would be unfair if my brother had to pay. Turns out he told my mum the other week that he’s not saved any money and wouldn’t be able to afford to go. AIBU to think this is a bit unfair? We’ve had over a year to save, and if he didn’t bother surely that’s his problem, not mine?

Why?

Yes they’re focused on the cost of the holiday

Fraud! Or something.

You REALLY don’t sound it.

Happy people aren’t starting threads and arguing back and forth with strangers online about how unfair it is that their parents are paying for both them and their sibling to go on holiday.

Look at what you have caused over both you and your sibling being given a free holiday.

It's their money.

In the first place you didn't expect free holiday - now you are getting one.

So is your brother.

It WOULD be wildly unfair if your parents accepted your saved money for your share of the holiday and then paid for your brother because he hadn't bothered to save.

I can see that if this has been a lifelong pattern it must be galling. But since you are both getting a free holiday, thank your lucky stars (because believe me, many of us do not get free expensive holidays given to us) and enjoy yourself.

You should turn down the trip out of principle. If you and your brother both got the trip for free, it suggests it wasn't a reward for your hard work at all, and you wouldn't want to look like a bratty, entitled, complaining scrounger, would you?

Pot
Kettle

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

I’m getting strong ‘daddy’s girl and mummy’s boy’ vibes.

You sound like you are the only person to ever get qualifications.. honestly. You are getting the holiday and your savings ps. They are just as proud of your brother for different reasons

Only 2 words needed
Thank you

So you don’t want your mum to be happy?

OP, life isn’t fair, stop badgering your parents, they have allowed you both live at home. It is not unusual for siblings to be very different.

Of course they would like to have raised two sensible DC, they didn't.

Grow up.

In an earlier post he didn’t “run to mummy”; he told them he hadn’t saved and couldn’t afford it, and they offered to pay. Sounds like he didn’t expect to be going, tbh.

But if you want to run to mummy and stamp and cry and say it’s unfair, nobody can stop you. Just be prepared that, if you do kick up a fuss about how “unfair” they’re being, this might be the last nice (expensive) thing they’ll ever do for you. Good chance your relationship with your brother could be damaged if he gets wind of it, too.

If OP isn't happy, nobody should be.

It is actually disgusting the way you are involving your father in this.

Of course I do.

but I also don’t think that treating one of her children like shit should make her happy

I’m not allowed to speak to my dad now?😂😂😂😂

The OP is incredibly happy, she says

I do understand how you must be feeling. My DH’s sibling is an absolute drain on PIL and gets handouts left, right and centre (they have received some really big help). My DH has worked so bloody hard to get where he is and has paid his way all his life. I get so cross about the disparity, however, DH rises above everything because he knows nothing will change and holding resentment will be detrimental to himself. PIL are actually lovely but make poor judgements where this sibling is concerned and don’t understand the extent of bad feelings created in the wider family. But there would be no point in having a huge argument so we rise above it. Life is unfair sometimes.

As a parent I can see both sides. I am someone who likes everyone to be treated equally and fairly in life. And, while DH and I try to treat our DC equally, there are so many factors involved in decision making and spending when they are involved that I’m sure there will be times it looks like someone has received a raw deal. Our DC are different personalities with different needs.

I know that my PIL hold a great respect for my DH and his achievements - as I’m sure your parents must be so proud of your efforts and what you have achieved (a huge congratulations on your exam success!). I know that - however unfair - I would rather my DH be who he is (minus the handouts) rather than the layabout his sibling has become. Be proud of who you are and hold your head high. Your parents want to spend time with both of you on holiday but have gone about things the wrong way. That can’t be changed now so let your resentment go and have a lovely time. Life is too short and who knows when the last holiday may come.

Paying for a holiday = treating you like shit. Got it

FFS you haven’t been ‘treated like shit’. Can you even hear yourself?
I have 2 adult children who have achieved very differently. I’d be appalled if one of them had turned out as entitled as you.

Treating you like shit by giving you a free holiday?

My advice stop wasting your time arguing on mumsnet, its herd mentality here and once they get started they keep rolling and ignoring the nuances of the situation while projecting and making things up to fit their narrative.

So why talk only to your Dad? Why not tell your Mum how you feel?