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AIBU?

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Original poster

BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

248 replies

CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated · 30/08/2025 08:43

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 30/08/2025 08:45

That definitely sounds snarky to me.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/08/2025 08:46

Don't send him anything next time.

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 30/08/2025 08:46

I wouldn’t reply, because he is an arse who will twist whatever you say. I wouldn’t buy him anything else ever again though.

UncharteredWaters · 30/08/2025 08:48

It may or may not be. Don’t ride to it / just say ‘you’re welcome’

if he’s being an arse it will annoy him more he didn’t feta reaction.

TheCosyViewer · 30/08/2025 08:48

Just reply with a, You’re welcome, and next year conveniently forget it’s his birthday and send nothing.

tealandteal · 30/08/2025 08:48

That could be read two ways - thanks for thinking of me when you have so much going on, or a sarcastic response that implies you sent a subpar gift because you’re soooooo busy. Only you know which one but referring to a gift as a “Moonpig offering” implies the latter. I would ignore and not make any effort with him at all.

Hollietree · 30/08/2025 08:48

I wouldn’t respond. And he wouldn’t get a gift from me next year. What a bloody rude, passive aggressive, ungrateful thing to say.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 30/08/2025 08:49

I think he's annoying and therefore anything he says he's annoying...

...but if he weren't, then his message is fine.

Just nod and smile. Rhetorically speaking.

KimHwn · 30/08/2025 08:49

Absolute prick.

SpongeKnobNoPants · 30/08/2025 08:49

Blatant snarkiness.

As pp's say, don't respond and dont get him anything next year.

WhyAmISoReal · 30/08/2025 08:50

It does sound snarky, but I'd not reply and I'd actively choose to interpret it as "thanks for the present when I know you're busy".

Don't let this arsehole get to you with a text message!

CrustyBread1977 · 30/08/2025 08:50

What does he get you for your birthday?

Hols23 · 30/08/2025 08:51

Either no reply or

You're welcome 🙂

Dryshampoofordays · 30/08/2025 08:51

He’s being an arsehole. Don’t buy him anything again.

sonjadog · 30/08/2025 08:51

Yes, he is being a prick. What I do with these sorts is pretend I find them slightly ridiculous. Pretend you are taking their pointed comments at face value. Reply "so glad you enjoyed it". Have an odd smile to yourself when they say something pompous. I promise you it will drive them mad.

TheMintCritic · 30/08/2025 08:51

I would reply, “No problem, I hope it mellows you out”

Homeandfireworks · 30/08/2025 08:52

TheMintCritic · 30/08/2025 08:51

I would reply, “No problem, I hope it mellows you out”

This is perfect

bluebirdy3987 · 30/08/2025 08:52

I’d want to say “I wanted to get you a gift that showed how much I value you” since then his rude snarkiness comes back to bite him whilst making it impossible to criticise you.

Original poster
CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated · 30/08/2025 08:53

tealandteal · 30/08/2025 08:48

That could be read two ways - thanks for thinking of me when you have so much going on, or a sarcastic response that implies you sent a subpar gift because you’re soooooo busy. Only you know which one but referring to a gift as a “Moonpig offering” implies the latter. I would ignore and not make any effort with him at all.

I think it was the 'Moonpig Offering' phrase. He could've just said Thanks for the beers...
I really REALLY wish I'd sent him a turd in a box (jokes obvs)

OP posts:
AutumnOffGrid · 30/08/2025 08:53

You need to not engage with him. Only speak to your sister whether that is by text, phone or face to face.

Whenever he expresses an opinion, just look at him blankly, then turn back to your sister and speak to her.

Get the dullest card you can find and just send it to him, to keep your DSis happy. I do this with my tricky in-laws. Just send them a very boring card so no one can comment on it. A “I don’t really know you well enough (can’t be arsed to get to know you) to buy you a personalised card or one you’ll think is funny, so here’s a really boring card”. Get 2nd class stamps just for his cards as he’s not worth a full cost one.

What is he complaining about WRT family? Is your sister doing all the graft for ageing parents?

Twistedfirestarters · 30/08/2025 08:53

He's a prick isn't he? I'd reply with an 'I've actually had a pretty quiet week. Glad you like them 😊'

Nobody could find fault with that response but you're letting him know you could have had time to do something different but chose not to (even if that's not true) and choosing to believe he was happy with his present. Which he clearly isn't.

vdbfamily · 30/08/2025 08:54

I cannot see anything snarky about his message at all, but I tend to take things at face value. It seems like a peace offering to me

PenguinIce · 30/08/2025 08:54

I would sneakily reply ‘Your welcome, it’s only what you deserve’.

MurderSheDidntWrite · 30/08/2025 08:55

Feels like you’re buying into his game. Why have how you feel dependent on how he choose to behave. Live life by your values (so keep giving your sister’s husband birthday gifts but low effort into what you get) and score him on his behaviour rather than being frustrated or trying to change it. Medium chill him all the way. Pleasant, friendly but give nothing of you emotionally - just be careful you don’t bypass medium chill into deep freeze mode!

Mmmkaay · 30/08/2025 08:56

Twistedfirestarters · 30/08/2025 08:53

He's a prick isn't he? I'd reply with an 'I've actually had a pretty quiet week. Glad you like them 😊'

Nobody could find fault with that response but you're letting him know you could have had time to do something different but chose not to (even if that's not true) and choosing to believe he was happy with his present. Which he clearly isn't.

This is perfect.