BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

[CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated]

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

I mean, it is a bit of a shitty gift. It’s like my MIL getting me a burt’s bees gift set from Boots every bloody birthday and Christmas for a decade. But he sounds like a bit of a shitty person and even when presented with my 10,000th set of mini bottles of shower gel and shampoo, I smiled and said thank you and kept my thoughts to myself.

I’d respond with, not got much on at all actually, but great to know you love it. With a thumbs up.

Tell him to shove it up his arse. Wanker

I anonymously sent my BIL a 3ft cardboard penis through the post. They’re delivered without an envelope. Made me feel so much better 😉

I like this response!

Same! Just reply with a thumbs up or you’re welcome. Don’t play his game.

I’m wondering how often your BIL has personally sent you a birthday card &/or celebratory gift? I’m imagining it’s never because your sister probably always does it.

We had this same thing in our family, where a male family member complained about the lack of thought of a moonpig card. I simply said “I’m over half a century old, and you have NEVER sent me a card of any description, so who is the more thoughtless?”

His defence was that “we” send cards. And I replied, but YOU’VE never personally picked out a card, written in a card and sent the card, so again you’re moaning about someone doing a thing but not to the level of your satisfaction, when you have never done that thing. Makes them a complete hypocrite.

You are not imagining it - that was a pointed comment. At the same time, there is nothing to be gained from engaging with this any more. I would try to limit contact with him.

Ugh, unbearably pompous.

This and then no more gifts. Wanker.

Yeah the words "Moonpig offering" means he's trying to be snarky & is looking down his nose at the gift. I'd probably reply with the laughter emoji

I think he was being patronising, but then I might be if someone had sent me a Moonpig card rather than taking the trouble to send one themselves.

I’d totally ignore him, no, I’d block all his methods of contact as well.
He obviously regards the gift as something to temporarily placate him.

Surely this is where the thumbs up response (not a text the thing where you simply hold and add an emoji) is perfectly acceptable.

If nothing else it’ll leave him wondering what you think to his snarky message!

Hee hee hee

I like this 😀

DS sends me Moonpig offerings, which includes a photo card which he has designed. I love them.

Is your sister deferring to her H because she finds it difficult talking to her siblings, or is he speaking up because he sees his wife taking on the majority of caring responsibilities? You could be right but your perspective is just that, your perspective.

Some of these are brilliant:

“I can’t take the credit I’m afraid, DH sorted it this year” lovely

“I’ll pass him along your message” maybe to finish.

The key is he is trying to push your buttons and you take back the remote control. He is an absolute wanker and your sister is a wet lettuce.

What does he get you? I’ve seen the moonpig beers thing and it is very impersonal and low effort, and low cost, so is this normally how you gift each other?

Even if she does find it difficult talking to her siblings, they are equally entitled to find it difficult talking to their sister's husband and to refuse to do so.

I would just say, each and every time, "Geoffrey, if Susan thinks I'm not pulling my weight with the wider family, I'm happy to discuss that with her. But you need to take a back seat."

Let me guess.. He actually leaves your sister to do 99% of the work while he runs his mouth.

Next year or at Christmas send him a blank card with the wrong thing on the front. That will show him how busy you are and go NC with him between.

Yes this is quite smart ! If DH us up for it.

I'd deadpan it back otherwise "oh great, I am so glad you liked it! Noted for future reference 😀. Hope you had a lovely day"

I have to say that I HATE Moonpig gifts / cards. I find it lazy and impersonal. However I would never say anything to the giver and accept the card / gift graciously. He is of course being a sarcastic twat.

Tell him you had a discount code.

I would go with an ‘It’s what you deserve for all you do for us’ or use the word appreciation in there somehow. I’d love the opportunity!

I wouldn’t not acknowledge it, that will be twisted as you ignoring him.
I’d follow up a You’re Welcome, as others have said. I might also add a beer emoji and a Hope You Have A Fab Day. That way it’ll irk him if he was being sarcastic and you’re being nice if he wasn’t. But again as other have said, if the former, I’d never get him anything else again.