Page 10 | BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

FastIser · 31/08/2025 19:18

viques · 30/08/2025 11:45

I agree, I think it sounds as though the OP is backing out of what the sister and BIL see as family responsibilities, and yes, she has her own life to live, but so do they, and it does sound as though they are both getting very resentful, though BIL is the one voicing it.

I imagine they had a bit of a laugh about the moonpig issue, “Blimey wife, your sister is so rushed off her feet she hasn’t even got the time to write her own birthday cards but has to outsource them to a commercial company. Phew, what a whirlwind of a life she leads, no wonder we are left holding the fort with your parents.”

Show quote history

Oh. You put some thought into making up something nasty that a person you don’t know is thinking about the OP and then decided to actually post it.

DBD1975 · 31/08/2025 19:29

Goodness sake he is an adult, not a child, I don't understand why people still buy presents for adult family members other than children or siblings if close to them.
I would message back really over the top to say you were so pleased he was happy with the gift, glad it was special to him and really hope he enjoys it.
I would follow up with another message to say not doing birthday presents anymore, save yourself the stress and the expense!

JHound · 31/08/2025 19:30

I would never buy him anything again.

I also would limit my interactions with to only things that are strictly necessary.

RickertyRocker · 31/08/2025 19:31

He's a twat, ignore and don't respond at all. Ideally leave him on read next time and get on with your life.

I wouldn't get them anything next year. Tbf we just do memes in a group chat and only but for DC.

BarbaraHavers · 31/08/2025 19:32

vdbfamily · 30/08/2025 08:54

I cannot see anything snarky about his message at all, but I tend to take things at face value. It seems like a peace offering to me

🙄

JHound · 31/08/2025 19:32

viques · 30/08/2025 11:45

I agree, I think it sounds as though the OP is backing out of what the sister and BIL see as family responsibilities, and yes, she has her own life to live, but so do they, and it does sound as though they are both getting very resentful, though BIL is the one voicing it.

I imagine they had a bit of a laugh about the moonpig issue, “Blimey wife, your sister is so rushed off her feet she hasn’t even got the time to write her own birthday cards but has to outsource them to a commercial company. Phew, what a whirlwind of a life she leads, no wonder we are left holding the fort with your parents.”

Show quote history

Why do you think buying a MoonPig card means any less effort when writing a message than buying a card from a card shop?

Nerdynerdynerd · 31/08/2025 19:38

I'd pretend I'd taken it completely not as he intended in order to try piss him off and reply something like...

"Aw you're very welcome ☺️ i do, thanks for understanding ❤️"

I think that would piss him off the most if he's the kind of person you've described 😂

iontheprize · 31/08/2025 19:52

I wonder if BIL ever organised a gift for OP...

(I don't really, I'm fairly certain he hasn't)

Cheesyfootballs01 · 31/08/2025 19:53

CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated · 30/08/2025 09:52

Re: the Moonpig thing, yes we have all sent each other 'Moonpig offerings' over the years. DP defo got one this year with a plant and replied 'Thanks for the gift,.
Yes, Moonpig is a bit impersonal but he does like craft ales. Which is what was sent. Last year was a big birthday for him and we spend £70 on him. With a personalised card might I add. Obviously, as with most families the situation is much more nuanced than can be put on here but I put the gist.

Think it's got to be the thumbs up emoji reply... Thanks everyone

(Or... I could sent him a 'you're welcome ' Moonpig card!!!????)

Definitely thumbs up emoji!! 👍🏼

Scotland32 · 31/08/2025 19:55

bluebirdy3987 · 30/08/2025 08:52

I’d want to say “I wanted to get you a gift that showed how much I value you” since then his rude snarkiness comes back to bite him whilst making it impossible to criticise you.

Oh god yes, this reply!!!

AtlanticStar · 31/08/2025 19:55

Sounds passive-aggressive. There's something wrong with him using the word 'offering' as well. Do you have to buy him a present? I might just send a text, if that.

Anywherebuthere · 31/08/2025 20:00

It's obvious you have your reasons of why you don't like him. So anything from him will seem wrong even if that wasn't his intention.

Don't give him extra space in your head and on your phone.

YankeeDad · 31/08/2025 21:02

CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated · 30/08/2025 08:43

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

If he has been fine and unsnarky receiving beers and Moonpig in the past, could it actually mean "I am grateful that you thought of my beers even though I know you are busy" ?

CancelTheTableAlan · 31/08/2025 21:16

It reminds me of - I think it's in Bridget Jones (???) where someone is given flowers and says "Oh how lovely, a forecourt bouquet!!"

HereWeGo1234 · 31/08/2025 21:39

How rude of him.

Next time you have to give him a gift send a charitable donation to a charity he has an interest in / connection with and say
‘hi fav BIL, I got the impression that you weren’t best pleased with the “Moonpig Offering” I sent you for your last birthday. So as I didn’t want to get it wrong I thought it best to make a donation to Save The Rainforest (or whatever). I believe they do great work and they sent me a lovely thank you email. Enjoy your day, best wishes from your favourite SIL’.

Spinmerightroundbaby · 31/08/2025 22:57

CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated · 30/08/2025 08:43

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

YABU. Reading too much into that comment. There’s nothing wrong with it. He’s saying he appreciates the effort knowing you do have a lot on.

gotmyknickersinatwist · 01/09/2025 00:09

Lots of people saying don't get him anything ever again. I would get him the exact same thing every year forevermore.

FastIser · 01/09/2025 02:56

Spinmerightroundbaby · 31/08/2025 22:57

YABU. Reading too much into that comment. There’s nothing wrong with it. He’s saying he appreciates the effort knowing you do have a lot on.

Show quote history

That’s a very generous interpretation of ‘moonpig offering.’ 😂

Tillow4ever · 01/09/2025 08:04

Growlybear83 · 30/08/2025 09:36

I think he was being patronising, but then I might be if someone had sent me a Moonpig card rather than taking the trouble to send one themselves.

@Growlybear83 can I ask why (you may have already answered this if others have asked, in which case I’ll get to it eventually)? I send Moonpig cards because they have a much better selection than my local Tesco, which is pretty much the only place to buy cards in my town - at least the biggest selection anyway, and they are usually shit. I can spend an hour on Moonpig searching through to find what I consider to be the perfect card for the recipient. It costs me more than it would to buy from a local shop…. And I’ve noticed Moonpig cards tend to make it on time whereas hand posted stuff doesn’t seem to be prioritised. So I consider a Moonpig card as the more thoughtful option but it sounds like you see it as a snub - I’d hate for people to think that, so I’m curious as to why you feel that way?

Lavenderandbrown · 01/09/2025 08:48

You don’t need to thank a thank you. You sent a gift. He sent a thank you. It does seem cold to me…a generic thank you at best. ( It’s very basic etiquette…dear aunt Thelma thank you for the yellow shirt….to more specifically describe the gift.) but it’s done now you don’t need to thank his thank you.
I would tell SIL you are ceasing adult gifting in 2026. And if you are really fed up tell her now…we are ceasing adult gifting starting with Christmas 2025. “We all have too much blah blah.” Send a birthday text instead of a card or gift.
We don’t do any adult gift giving in our family but we certainly show up strong in many ways on many occasions for each other

NJC7 · 01/09/2025 17:07

I’d be interested to know when you sent the gift did you genuinely send it in good faith? ie did you choose something you truly thought he’d love? If so, can see why his response would be disappointing / triggering.

But if you sent the bare minimum just so that you could say you fulfilled some kind of gift giving “duty” and you used it as an opportunity to let him know he’s not worth much to you, then you can see why he’d want to let you know that he was aware of that.

Checkard · 01/09/2025 17:30

Honestly OP, mute him and your sister.
I cannot imagine entertaining a BIL at all.
Simply do not respond to him further on any matter, paticularly about your family.
Complete silence.

FastIser · 01/09/2025 22:11

NJC7 · 01/09/2025 17:07

I’d be interested to know when you sent the gift did you genuinely send it in good faith? ie did you choose something you truly thought he’d love? If so, can see why his response would be disappointing / triggering.

But if you sent the bare minimum just so that you could say you fulfilled some kind of gift giving “duty” and you used it as an opportunity to let him know he’s not worth much to you, then you can see why he’d want to let you know that he was aware of that.

She said he likes craft beer and so she chose it purposely.