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AIBU?

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Original poster

BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

248 replies

CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated · 30/08/2025 08:43

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

OP posts:
lottiegarbanzo · 30/08/2025 08:58

He’s a rude twat. Ignore.

People make offerings to gods. To people they send gifts.

Needtosoundoffandbreathe · 30/08/2025 08:59

Thumbs up emoji end don't bother next year. What a wanker.

namechangedforvalidreasons · 30/08/2025 09:00

‘You’re welcome. Don’t drink them all at once!’

KenIsAnAccessory · 30/08/2025 09:01

'No worries, hope they help you relax 👍'

AnSolas · 30/08/2025 09:05

I would put it down to him being a AH and needing to prompt a reply. So ignore and not give him one

I while I would Ignore for any and all other event he gets exactly the same or as near as possible card and beer.

Trickabrick · 30/08/2025 09:07

It’d be a 👍 from me with no other wording!

Plastictreees · 30/08/2025 09:08

Trickabrick · 30/08/2025 09:07

It’d be a 👍 from me with no other wording!

Yes, surely this is the perfect opportunity to utilise the thumbs up.

OhNoNotSusan · 30/08/2025 09:10

i think you are reading it wrong,
he has admitted you have a lot on your plate

tripleginandtonic · 30/08/2025 09:10

That sounds appreciative to me, as in thanks for remembering it's my birthday even though you've loads of other stuff happening in your life

sittingonabeach · 30/08/2025 09:12

If he was being nice would he have used the term Moonpig offering, surely he would have said beers or gift

NerdAlertt · 30/08/2025 09:13

This would now be his gift for every Birthday from here to eternity.

Trickabrick · 30/08/2025 09:14

Or could you say “I can’t take the credit I’m afraid, DH sorted it this year”

Maray1967 · 30/08/2025 09:14

tealandteal · 30/08/2025 08:48

That could be read two ways - thanks for thinking of me when you have so much going on, or a sarcastic response that implies you sent a subpar gift because you’re soooooo busy. Only you know which one but referring to a gift as a “Moonpig offering” implies the latter. I would ignore and not make any effort with him at all.

That’s how I read it as well - could be read either way, but ‘Moonpig offering’ leans towards the negative interpretation.

But I would go with ‘You’re very welcome’ - and if you want to get a return dig in - ‘I/we thought you deserved it.’

Allswellthatendswelll · 30/08/2025 09:15

What an absolute child! I never buy for BIL/ SIL anyway. I like them but I don't think adults need lots of presents. Next year don't bother..

Dontbeme · 30/08/2025 09:16

We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family

Would love to hear the other side of this. How often do posters on here ask for help as they are working full-time, raising young DC, caring for aging parents that refuse outside help and a sibling refuses to do anything at all. The poster only comes here when their own physical and mental health is shattered. I think it would be out of the ordinary for a BIL to get involved and advocate for his wife and start demanding help from the siblings.

GigsandSkittles · 30/08/2025 09:16

Just send him a thumbs up emoji 👍🏼 which is apparently seen as a pass-agg way of shutting down a conversation!

FuzzyWolf · 30/08/2025 09:16

I agree that he’s being a twat. I would either ignore it or say thankfully even busy people get reminder emails from Moonpig so he was in luck this year with the card and gift.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 30/08/2025 09:18

PenguinIce · 30/08/2025 08:54

I would sneakily reply ‘Your welcome, it’s only what you deserve’.

Edited

Oh this is superb !! X

lovemycbf · 30/08/2025 09:20

I’d not send another gift as that’s an awful thing to say

Heronwatcher · 30/08/2025 09:20

I’d just thumbs up the message. He won’t quite know how to interpret it and you’d have shown minimal effort in responding (which if he is being snarky will annoy him).

autienotnaughty · 30/08/2025 09:21

It definitely reads as thanks for the minimal effort I know your ‘busy’.
I’d either send nothing going forward or send the exact same next year.

Parksinyork · 30/08/2025 09:21

PenguinIce · 30/08/2025 08:54

I would sneakily reply ‘Your welcome, it’s only what you deserve’.

Edited

I love this. My sister often sends annoying passive aggressive messages which could be read two ways. I ways take it as a positive, either she means it positively in which case I haven’t make an issue where there isn’t one or it seems I’ve missed her barbed comment and this will annoy her more.

WhatAboutTheOtherOne · 30/08/2025 09:22

It can be read two ways and it would be a shame to be reading it as a sarcastic unpleasant reply when it wasn’t. I’d reply with a simple “thanks, hope you liked it” and not bother giving it anymore thought.

Invinoveritaz · 30/08/2025 09:23

I don’t see anything wrong with the message . . .

OhNoNotSusan · 30/08/2025 09:24

presumably he is thinking of his own wife in the family situation, when you live 3 hours away and she needs help? with your family.