BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

[CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated]

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

My friends BIL sounds like yours he is involved in everything, my friend has sussed him out and just plays along as she doesn't have the head space for any drama.
For his birthday now she only gives a card and a £10 note as says he doesn't deserve anything more, she would rather give nothing but then she knows he will kick up a fuss.
Your Bil is clearly winding you up so don't fall for it, people like him love drama so keep it short and sweet say you're welcome 🤗 or nothing at all, he is a an attention seeker and will always find ways to annoy you, you need to raise above him.

"OFFERING" ??????? Total twat!

@Hectoritowhile I am not going to agree or disagree with your nasty, Moonpig cards are definitely not cheap. My daughter designs personalised cards and hers are cheaper. They are also personal as you could almost pick anything and she will do her best.

LOADS of people have said they think it was a perfectly pleasant response and that he’s acknowledging how busy OP is. Some have even called her names for being ‘so silly’ as to read it as snarky.

I’d love those people to use ‘thanks or your offering’ next time they need to thank someone for a gift. See how that goes down.

Badly, would be my prediction.

Yes he was an unappreciative twat

just send 👍

I would just reply yes would be lost without the internet shopping smiley face.

He sounds like a prick but personally I don’t like being sent Moonpig gifts or cards. I’d rather people didn’t bother. It’s like getting a fancy e-card.

Totally personal to me and actually people know I’d rather they just kept their money and sent me a quick message.

That aside he seems like one of those men who try and control everything. Not worth the effort or the headache. Just don’t bother.

I'll hold your coat, OP. What a wanker.

Id just give a thumbs up.

Some women will listen to any old shite even the most unremarkable of men says, your sister just sounds like one of those women. Your BIL sounds like a prick and is lucky anyone can be bothered to talk to him let alone send him a gift. I have a family member like that. He pisses me off on a regular basis with his obnoxiousness. I honestly think he’s not even aware of how awful he is. Recently his own daughter said to me (when I was fuming, over a remark he made about my child), take comfort in the fact that he has to look at himself in the mirror every day. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I get a moonpig gift every year and it’s always very mean. I think the sender doesn’t realise this, though. I wouldn’t use them. I also receive a forty pound bouquet of flowers through the post which would’ve cost five or six pounds in the supermarket. Again, the giver isn’t aware.

“Oh my goodness BIL you are so welcome! I really hope you enjoy the ales, let me know which one is your favourite!”

See if he can detect any snark in your message 😉

So he got your DP something from moonpig this year too?! Wtf is the issue then! Prick. I’d want to reply and say ‘ungrateful cunt’

Tell him he's welcome, that moonpig's easy enough😆

That's a thumbs up comment to me.
Never mention it again and don't bother again. Tbh it would not occur to me to send bil anything

His snarkiness is his problem, dont let it be yours.

Read the message in a sympathetic voice. See how different it sounds and how you now feel about it (grateful for his thoughtfulness). Then move on x

Did he say that to you verbally or via an app? If the latter, just respond with a thumbs up emoji which could mean anything from “great, thank you” to “whatever, you crack on mate”. It’s ambiguous enough for him not to be entirely sure how you meant it - see how he likes it when other people play his passive aggressive mind games! But don’t bother doing anything for his birthday again - unless it’s a moonpig card saying “I got you this one of these again because you seemed to appreciate it so much last year” - maybe with a single can of own brand Tesco lager. What a twat.

That’s definitely snarky , I’d be annoyed

I think it means that he appreciates that you thought to buy him a gift even though you have so much on your plate. I

Good point. Op hasn’t said directly if this sister and BIL do a lot of caring for her parents. But seems from what she wrote it seems like they do.

Sorry, but why did you send him anything?

I would say ‘you’re welcome’ and repeat the present for all eternity (or get him nothing)

Do nothing say nothing and definitely do nothing next birthday , sounds like a first class nob

Goodness gracious me!! He acknowledged the card and gift. He said thank you. He might be a prick in some ways but that sounds to me like he does have some manners. I've had to ask my own family if they got the gift I sent them.

You are 100% right, your children must come first. But you have to learn to ignore him, do not respond, only respond to your DS (if she's like him - respond only if you absolutely need to). I'm speaking from experience. He/ they are picking on you because you are most sensitive out of all siblings