BiL response to gift (and now i want to punch him in his smug face)

[CheeseSandwichesAreOverrated]

BiL has a history of being patronising and a bit of a twat. We had words earlier this year when he started to demand I help with wider family with no regards to MY busy situation with DC and the fact i live 3 hours away. It also infuriates me that my sister lets him take charge. It's our fucking family. I tried to communicate with my sister directly and we sorted it out eventually but I think he was a bit put out. She defers to him in everything and it drives me mad. She has done this with previous partners too. Its like she feels she has to do it to keep his male ego in tact.

So... I sent a card and beers from Moonpig to him. We've done this previously. All fine. He replied.

'Thanks for the Moonpig offering. I know you have a lot on your plate at the minute'

Am I being unreasonable to be pissed off and that this is a snarky, passive aggressive response to a gift?

Or no, I'm reading too much into it.

“I wanted to get you a gift that showed how much I value you”

I love this one. But then I am a fan of the sharp riposte. I would step back on the communication in the future and get him nothing next year.

I don't understand how a moonpig card is lazy and impersonal? Often they are personalised with photos etc and even if not, how is choosing a card on Moonpig any different than going to Card factory or Clinton's, or any other website and choosing a card from there?

Is it a birthday gift?

I would just say you’re welcome xx
bec it’s not definitely him being rude. Could be genuine thank you so best to take it like that.

Moonpig offering is strange phrasing I agree.

but what was gift sent for?

Re: the Moonpig thing, yes we have all sent each other 'Moonpig offerings' over the years. DP defo got one this year with a plant and replied 'Thanks for the gift,.
Yes, Moonpig is a bit impersonal but he does like craft ales. Which is what was sent. Last year was a big birthday for him and we spend £70 on him. With a personalised card might I add. Obviously, as with most families the situation is much more nuanced than can be put on here but I put the gist.

Think it's got to be the thumbs up emoji reply... Thanks everyone

(Or... I could sent him a 'you're welcome ' Moonpig card!!!????)

'Offering'! It's his way of saying 'Your attempt at gift giving missed the mark. It doesn't quite qualify as a gift becuase it's not something I want, so I won't acknowledge it as such. I will however, show good grace, take the high road, and acknowledge you tried, as I know you're sooo busy.'

Fantasise about punching him all you want, but don't engage. If it's ever brought up again feign ignorance and say, 'Oh but you thanked me for the gift, if there was a problem you should have let me know!'. Let him 'correct' you that he said offering. He won't.

I would respond with “Your welcome, I hope you had a good day.” Just take the wind out of his sails regarding the passive aggressive energy.

However, as much as his interference in family matters is annoying, did he have a point? Is your sister bearing the majority of burden with regards to helping wider family? You are obviously not obligated to help family at all - but then neither is your sister. Is she meeker than you and can’t push back, therefore taking on too much?

Exactly. IME I take more time and thought to create an online card than grabbing a generic one from a card shop - and they are often v generic - if the recipient wouldn't particularly want a card depicting beer, golf, gaming, dinosaurs, cake, gin, flowers or wacky dogs then in a shop there are v few options, unlike creating one online.

I think he meant to be friendly. Some people just aren't good with words.

Genius! Please reply with this.

'Offering' isn't a nice word indicative of a generous and well received gift. It reminds me of Oliver Twist holding out a fucking begging bowl and getting a scrap of dry bread.

He's a dickhead.

Send him an anonymous glitter bomb next week, he's already got your gift so likely won't suspect you!

It doesn’t sound snarky to me. It says thanks, and acknowledged you’re busy. Don’t go looking for problems, life is too short.

He sounds like a complete twat, I ld not respond.

How rude. I’d just reply:

”Offering?”

Yes that was a sarky, prickish response. But I don't know what you expected given that you obviously don't like each other in the first place? He probably thought you were being low-effort on account of not liking him (and he's correct that you don't like him).

Like, this entire thing is a charade. Your gift to him wasn't an expression of fondness for him in the first place. You don't hope he's had a nice birthday. And his message reflected that.

I don't see the difference, though. You still have to note the reminder email, remember to sort it, go on their website, choose a design, add text (and maybe photos) and pay for it and then remember to avoid their dubious 'special offer' popup box at the end that will end up costing you dear.

It's not like you can just tell Alexa/ChatGPT/whichever AI once to "Send a card to everybody in my calendar one week before it says 'birthday' next to their name" and then tick it off your to-do list forever.

How far do you take it? Do you think it's lazy if somebody who lives hours away does buy and physically write a card for you... but then they 'just' stick it in the postbox and leave it for Royal Mail to do the hard bit in getting ti to you, rather than jumping in the car and actually driving it over to you themselves?

I used Moonpig quite a bit - I stopped doing so permanently after Christmas last year, when I ordered five cards to different people/addresses in one order and three of them got mixed up and went to the wrong people, so I no longer feel that I can trust or rely on them (although I have left their email reminders active, as it's handy for remembering when to pop out to the card shop and sort it independently); but when they do work to plan, which I assume they do most of the time, I don't see that it's particularly a lazy method.

Ironically, some of the people who would benefit most from using Moonpig (or their competitors) - elderly people who may struggle to get out to the shops - are also among the demographic that are the least likely to think about or feel confident organising sending a card online.

‘You’re welcome! We’re very impressed by Moonpig. The plant you sent DP last year is still going strong!’

Hilarious 😆 "Moonpig offering". What a rude twat.

Just laugh and forget it.

This. Don’t let him know he’s got to you - just reply with something neutral (you’re welcome, hope you had a good day) and never get him anything again.

The passive aggressive thumbs up was invented for this situation 👍

Don’t bite.
By simply saying ‘you’re very welcome’ is taking control.

I’d send him the exact same for Christmas but from Funky pigeon, “slightly less on my plate at the moment so thought I’d change it up”

The guy sounds like an arse so best to ignore his attempts to get a reaction. He also sounds like he has the potential to cause major problems in your family if you're not careful, especially given your description of how your sister relates to him. Grey rock all the way.

I agree with PP that the word 'offering' is what seals it as deliberately pass agg.

Perfectly fine if you're a vicar and you're thanking the congregation for their offerings to the church/the new roof fund/God; but in a normal one-on-one family/friend context like this, it's a deliberate put-down and pointlessly nasty belittling of somebody's efforts.

Yes, the additional gifts (as opposed to the cards) are a bit generic, but they are nice (albeit safe) things that most people would like to receive as a standard present; it's not like you've sent them something weird and a rubbish present like a roll of tinfoil, a wooden spoon or a pack of rawl plugs.

They're also quite expensive - and they are designed as a bonus to the card! It may well be that, if there weren't a simple way to add a gift when ordering a card with Moonpig, most people organising a shop-bought, self-posted card offline wouldn't actually send any present along with it at all!

I have no idea when BILs birthdays are? I don't even do siblings apart from a text.