To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

[YoYoYoYoSigh]

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

‘Do you mean to be so rude?’

“You know Susie, I do find it strange that someone else’s weight takes up so much space in your head. Are you quite alright?”

Maybe just a raised eyebrow when she makes the inevitable comment and move on, either conversationally, or from her. You don't need to actually say anything at all to retain the moral high ground.

I’d just picture the words, ‘I feel so sorry for you, Barbara’ in my head and smile - a little sad, a little amused - while saying nothing. Then move the conversation on. It’ll kill her inside, not getting a response out of you - anything you do say will only give her something to respond to, whereas polite silence is a fire blanket.

"Do you know, SIL, I'm increasingly agreeing with Susie Orbach that fat really IS a feminist issue. What do you think?'

I wouldn't even respond. She's trying to play a mean, point-scoring game, but you don't have to join in. She'll be better at it than you anyway, she's had plenty of practice at being a supercilious bitch. (Or "Never wrestle with a pig - you both get covered in sh*t, but the pig likes it").

I'd just give her a slightly puzzled/concerned look, smile, and carry on regardless.

It may not be quite what you’re looking for but, when she says she looks awful I’d just say “Yes you do, don’t you?”

It's just her projecting her inner issues.

Don't let her live rent-free in your head. Mum said to me yesterday "I thought you were putting on weight", this after trying to get me to eat cake! You can't win but you can be classy!

Oh my dear, the sooner you liberate yourself from this prison of weight analysis, the sooner you will have time and space to actually be happy. I want that for you.
very earnest and kind and a teeny bit condescending.

Yes! I think sometimes saying nothing and letting words hang in the air is the best response.

Make a SIL bingo card with all her usual phrases on it and every time she says one pull it out in front of her and say "yeeeeesss almost a full house!"

God I'd have so much fun....

I'd just tell her to give it a rest and walk away.

No need for witty statements, she knows what she's doing.

‘I‘m such a heifer’

’Yes…it’s so easy to put it on isn’t it?’ sympathetic smile.

Maybe just politely offer her diet tips if she talks about being a heifer- “Sorry you’re worrying about your weight. I found cutting processed carbs made a big difference- have you tried that?”

I'd look pointedly at my watch and say "well it took a bit longer than I thought before you mentioned weight but it's good to know you're still so predictable".

Comments like that should be met with silence.

She’ll want a response but don’t give her one. Silence will annoy her because she can’t gauge how the comment has affected you which is what her aim would be.

It’s really satisfying to be indifferent to someone like that and they pick up on your indifference. It gives you back power.

"It's not really polite to comment on people's weight, SIL. Let's talk about something else."

Well done for losing the weight OP! It’s never easy and you’ve done brilliantly.

I totally get the desire to have a good retort after years of her snide comments, but I think the classiest response is to just say “thank you / oh, thanks” and chat about something else, or to someone else. She wants to get a rise out of you so don’t give her the satisfaction.

The trouble with saying anything else is that she’ll turn it around and tell people you were horrible to her (or even fake some tears!), and make you out to be the snide one. People like your SIL are experts at this kind of crap. I had similar with mine and know how it feels. She obsessed over my weight and noticed if I put on or lost even a pound. (Thankfully she’s an ex-SIL now).

Yours might well be jealous now as well, so expect snide comments about WLI and it being cheating and all the other rubbish people say about every diet. This is a ‘her problem’ and definitely not you. Please just say “oh thanks” or similar and don’t take the bait.

It’s fun to imagine what you’d like to say though 😉

SIL- Blimey, you’re looking slimmer these days.
You - Yep, I'll send you a newsletter so you can keep up to date. (with a smile)

SIL - You’ve definitely dropped some pounds since I last saw you.
You - Amazing, isn’t it? And I did it all without a live commentator.

SIL - Wow, you’re shrinking!
You - Yes, and soon I’ll vanish completely, which means you’ll need a new topic.

SIL - Wow, you’ve lost weight, I feel like a heifer next to you.
You - Careful, you’ll end up as my official weigh-in correspondent.

Laugh every time and then ignore her.

It might be a bit too much in this scenario but the best comeback I've ever heard is "unless I'm sat on you or you pay my food shopping bill my weight is none of your business"

Just roll your eyes and don't engage.

Engaging with her is encouraging a conversation, so if that's not what you want, grey rocking is the best way to go.

I'd just give her a hard look, turn round and ask if anyone had seen a good film lately/football/art exhibition insert as appropriate.

'Oh, have a day off will you, Sharon? For once in your life?' and walk away.

“I didn’t think fat at all SIL. Maybe a bit tired though… is everything okay”?

With anything where people try and make you feel insecure about something I try and be really annoying.
So if she starts on about it say something like 'I'm so sorry you feel uncomfortable in your own skin, have you ever considered counselling?"