Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

233 replies

YoYoYoYoSigh · 29/08/2025 10:43

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

OP posts:
Olaeverybody · 30/08/2025 19:30

I’d reply. “Mmmm”, and look like you’re giving whatever she’s said a moments thought. Then completely change the subject?

Carpedimum · 30/08/2025 19:45

“I’m striking a balance, being too slim can be terribly ageing.”

Speckly · 30/08/2025 21:06

”Your obsession with weight is a bit worrying but please don’t make a you problem a me problem”

MellersSmellers · 30/08/2025 21:33

So as not to sour a social.occasion, how about just "oh thank you, that's very kind!" (Knowing full well she isn't being kind...)
And if she throws in the heifer comment ' well, if I can do it, anyone can!"

JoeyJava · 30/08/2025 22:02

Catch her when she's alone, take her aside and calmly and softly say something along the lines of "Hi, I'm sorry to be asking/saying/being so awkward/direct about this, but... Would you mind if we stop commenting on each other's weight/bodies? It's just that I don't really like drawing attention to/that kind of feeling of focus on it/them? I don't mean anything nasty by it, it's just that I'd massively appreciate it."

I know, it feels hard to actually do it, and you'll still feel bad when you actually do, but you sound close enough to be able to have this mature conversation.

When it's people that are more... Distant... I'm still stuck at trying to grin and bear it. And probably stay silent and avert my gaze to try to delay getting pissed off by them.

Best of luck 🤞

Mikki77 · 30/08/2025 22:05

catgirl1976 · 29/08/2025 10:45

“You know Susie, I do find it strange that someone else’s weight takes up so much space in your head. Are you quite alright?”

Use this, it's perfect 👍🏻

FattyMcFattyArse · 30/08/2025 22:28

Head tilt. Pitying look. 'Oh, bless'. Walk off.

PyongyangKipperbang · 30/08/2025 22:45

"oh I look like a heifer!"

"Well I didnt like to say, but have you tried low carbing?"

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 30/08/2025 22:50

Something which suggests that you’ve noted it is frequent.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to comment on it.”

“Yes, I expected you to notice.”

”I did think you’d mention this and you’ve not disappointed me!”

WellThisIsFranklyDreadful · 30/08/2025 23:08

When she tries to do the self-deprecating “god I feel like such a heifer at the moment” thing, agree with her. “Ooh, yes - I was just thinking you look a bit chunkier than normal” Grin

TBC99 · 30/08/2025 23:09

She says "you look well'. You say "aw thanks, I'm feeling great!"
She says "Im such a heifer'. You say " you're too hard on yourself"
Ignore the game playing. Be generous and confident. You'll feel.much better than if you hand out some smart remark.

Minglingpringle · 30/08/2025 23:44

If someone commented on my weight loss in that situation, I would just say “thanks”.

Because I genuinely wouldn’t care what complex drama they had weaved around it in their own head. I would have no interest in talking about it and the quickest way to shut it all down would be a polite “thanks”.

Strangerthanfictions · 31/08/2025 00:20

I'm such a heifer... Don't put yourself down it's so sad that you let your weight define you, have you tried working on your esteem, you're such much more than just a body, don't value you yourself on that, it's really not that important and shouldn't make you feel so awful about yourself

Comtesse · 31/08/2025 01:12

I think the Americans would say “oh bless your heart” in this sort of situation which I think basically means “Fuck you, lady” while also sounding nice, so that would probably cover it…..

Francestein · 31/08/2025 01:19

I was also going to suggest the bingo card with an obvious title like “Bastard/Bitchy Bingo” on the top.
Or have some pamphlets for eating disorder advice to give her, citing concern for her preoccupation.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/08/2025 01:24

Comtesse · 31/08/2025 01:12

I think the Americans would say “oh bless your heart” in this sort of situation which I think basically means “Fuck you, lady” while also sounding nice, so that would probably cover it…..

I was taught how you to use "bless your heart" by an amazing deep south Lady (yes she was a real Lady!) and its brilliant.

Doesnt have the same power over here as it does there but it does work. Its dismissive qualities are incredible if you say it as you look away, making it clear that what she said has no importance to you at all.

Labelledelune · 31/08/2025 10:53

Just look into her eyes and say ‘wow, just wow’

FeetLikeFlippers · 31/08/2025 15:47

Regardless of how anyone feels about what they are doing, they are technically breaking the law by committing indecent exposure and/or outraging public decency. Doesn’t matter if it’s in their own home, it’s about other people being exposed to it. They are obviously doing it on purpose which is pretty grim. If they want to put on a floor show I’m sure they could find a willing audience somewhere instead of inflicting it on their poor neighbours. Tell them they are clearly visible from your children’s bedroom window and if they don’t stop then report them.

TheKeeperOfTissues · 01/09/2025 08:35

When someone (related by marriage, didn't see often & I definitely didn't care for) said 'you've really put on weight ' I told him 'I could lose weight but he'd always be a cunt'. & the last I heard he's still leeching off his ex wife's family in their home country 🤮

Not suggesting your sil deserves that particular phrase but pick something that will shut her down and stop her comments going forward.
I love the haircut suggestion, the 'are you tired' suggestion too.

There is zero need to discuss another adults weight with them unless they raise it first!

You could say 'My mother taught me not to discuss religion, politics, money and personal appearances in polite company because it's deemed rude'

dogcatkitten · 01/09/2025 08:38

Clarinet1 · 29/08/2025 10:51

It may not be quite what you’re looking for but, when she says she looks awful I’d just say “Yes you do, don’t you?”

Or yes I look awful too, isn't it terrible that we are both so fat. And laugh heartily.

Original poster
YoYoYoYoSigh · 25/09/2025 15:52

Well it was as bad as expected except she didn't call me fat. Called my other sister in law fat though a couple of times: squeezing past cars in the drive to get to front door (there was no squeeze, plenty of room) and when other DSIL sat down on an outdoor sofa that was slightly lower than expected.

Other DSIL is probably a 12 in size 😵‍💫

I said nothing, nor did anyone else. I think everyone just thinks "oh that's Esmerelda, that's just what she's like".

I'll be avoiding in future.

OP posts:
Muffsies · 25/09/2025 16:01

YoYoYoYoSigh · 25/09/2025 15:52

Well it was as bad as expected except she didn't call me fat. Called my other sister in law fat though a couple of times: squeezing past cars in the drive to get to front door (there was no squeeze, plenty of room) and when other DSIL sat down on an outdoor sofa that was slightly lower than expected.

Other DSIL is probably a 12 in size 😵‍💫

I said nothing, nor did anyone else. I think everyone just thinks "oh that's Esmerelda, that's just what she's like".

I'll be avoiding in future.

How did your other SIL react? It's clearly not just you, surely everyone hates her predictable, snarky comments. Didn't anyone tell her to give it a rest?

I have so many questions 😅 sorry OP, you are definitely better off avoiding indefinitely.

DoRayMeMeMe · 25/09/2025 21:08

YoYoYoYoSigh · 25/09/2025 15:52

Well it was as bad as expected except she didn't call me fat. Called my other sister in law fat though a couple of times: squeezing past cars in the drive to get to front door (there was no squeeze, plenty of room) and when other DSIL sat down on an outdoor sofa that was slightly lower than expected.

Other DSIL is probably a 12 in size 😵‍💫

I said nothing, nor did anyone else. I think everyone just thinks "oh that's Esmerelda, that's just what she's like".

I'll be avoiding in future.

But you let your other SIL be subject to that and stood by?

InterIgnis · 25/09/2025 21:53

DoRayMeMeMe · 25/09/2025 21:08

But you let your other SIL be subject to that and stood by?

Show quote history

Why is that the OP’s job? Presumably the other SIL isn’t incapable of tackling it herself if she wants to.