To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

[YoYoYoYoSigh]

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

Honestly, ignore her pathetic subtext.

If she says she's fat, lecture her on healthy eating, comment that yes, you agree, she is looking a bit bigger, she must feel terrible, maybe try one of those weight watchers groups?

Stare blankly at her.

If she tries to get snarky, answer "what? Oh my goodness. I don't have a problem with MY weight"
Tilt your head pityingly.

What you focus on, grows.

‘People only ever look truly “good” when they are happy in their own skin. Don’t worry - you’ll get there’.

We have a winner!

I always find the ‘you look tired, are you ok’ comment works well.

Dont you know it's considered very low class to comment in people's weight.

You are wearing sensible shoes.

You look tired is everything ok?

Snap @Imagineallthepuppies

‘Did you mean to say that out loud?’ can also be a good retort to weird statements

I just came to say well done on your weight loss. 8.5 stone is incredible. Any tips?

It's not pithy or cutting, but if she says anything about her own size "aww, I'm sorry to hear that" / "I'm sorry to hear you feel that way" is fairly teflon. Implicitly accepting her assertion without reference to yourself. Then move the conversation on.

Also Brooks Gibbs has this angle on bullying which might give you something to work with, albeit again not through cutting remarks

When she goes low, you go high.

Passive-aggressive/pithy retorts are not going high. That's are lowering yourself to her level.

Nod to acknowledge she has spoken. Beyond that, I wouldn't respond.

Every comment she makes to you treat as the biggest compliment. Say, ‘oh thanks, that’s so sweet of you!’.

If she moans about her weight, either give a sympathetic nod, or tell her about a friend of yours that has had success with a personal trainer, or a therapist that has helped them feel good about their body.

You can have some fun with this!

Take every barbed comment on face value as the loveliest, most sincere comment youve ever had.

THANK YOU Suzie you lovely creature!!! Honestly ive received SO many compliments Im actually starting to get quite embarrassed but its such a thrill to be feeling and looking so healthy and strong! Bless you darling!

I get this a lot - I’ve also had a large weight change and people love nothing more than talking about it. I usually go with ‘gosh isn’t it boring talking about how big or small our bodies are all the time?? How disappointing it is every time someone elects to talk to me about that instead of something more interesting’ HARD STARE.

Oh please say this OP? Whilst eyeing her up in a critical manner.

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit.

is it? Or she is talking about herself and really couldn't care less about you. Most people don't think about others half as much as you think they do!

Answer 'Oh you don't look that bad.'
Is brilliant

Perfect

This, pick this 😂
I hate it when people say "you look tired" they really mean you look old. She'll love that one

This is glorious 🙌

This is what I've started to do. It's really rather effective and gets it out of my head much quicker.

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

Would someone please explain what this means. My brain doesn't understand.

Agree with her self-disparaging comments and tell her you hope she finds some self-discipline.

“Are you feeling like a heifer? Have you considered whether therapy might help with those feelings, I’ve heard it can be very effective for people with your sort of issues”

”Oh, do you? I find as I’ve got more mature that I don’t have that sort of thought process in my head. I’ve come to realize I was always good enough.”

Well done on the weight loss.
Initially I’d laugh to undercut her and demonstrate my confidence. If she persists, “Well ain’t that the truth?” which my aunt always used, shows agreement, is seen as positive and indicates you’re aware of her ironic comments. She’s a bitchy, neurotic, shallow person, isn’t she?

I always think if someone wants to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself the best response is to completely deny them that satisfaction.
So if she tells you snidely that you look well, the best reaction is to beam and say "Thank you! I feel amazing!" or even "I know! I love my body!"

I just talk about weights workouts if anyone gets boring about this subject. Turn it onto how lifting heavier weights is so good for the body as we age. Zzz but true. And how good it makes me feel. Double zzzz.

No point engaging for something so trivial, even if it is irritating. She's not been well brought up, has she?