To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

[YoYoYoYoSigh]

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

I can't understand your post OP.

Do you weigh 8st 7lb atm?

And if you do, why does your SIL comment.

When she mentions your weighloss, reply with, thank you, I worked hard and I feel great.
She won't be able to ignore it.
Positivity is a much better road to take than a bitchy come back.
Life is too short.
It doesn't sound like you see her often.

ask Her if she struggles with self image, when she seems puzzled tell her everyone else can see she’s absolutely beautiful and when she protest tell her she should learn to take a compliment.
she may make a (facetious) comment about your weight. If she says you look as though you have lost weight and you have and if you haven’t just smile and say you have not lost weight but you are pleased to learn you give the impression of slimness and thank her.

Oh yeah, then drift away or at least smile vaguely past her

If she says “oh you’re looking well” (or some other way to insinuate she thinks you’ve put on weight. Just smile and say “oh thank you”. Nothing further, don’t fill the silence.

then when she says “oh god I’m much a heifer at the minute” or what ever, just change your smile to a slightly sympathetic one and say “oh don’t worry too much about it, you look lovely” extra points if you can pat her on the arm too.

then busy yourself getting a drink or pretend there is someone across the room you need to just quickly talk to.

dont rise to her comments. But also don’t disagree with her, take her ‘compliments’ as if you believe them to be genuine

Don’t engage. Noting you can say will land on her-much better to not say anything. Talk to more interesting people.

This is perfect. It brooks no possible comeback that wouldn't involve SIL admitting to behaving like a first class cowbag.

12 months ago OP was 11 stone down. Now OP is 8.5 stone down so has gained 2.5 stone and thinks SIL is going to notice and comment

Well that's how I read it anyway

“Were you pretty in high school? It just seems like you’re trying to turn the clock back to a better time”

I am unapologetically a comeback bitch.

I'm confused too. 🫣

Ah, yes.

SIL sounds awful.

In ear shot of everyone: "Hey Suzie, can you send me your Mounjaro link?" She'll hopefully look horrified and say "I'm not on Mounjaro" you can respond with "oh my bad, I could've sworn someone told you were on the weight loss injections!" Hopefully this will show a seed in everyone else's head and stop her from banging on about weight loss quite so much.

I get it.
My brain is slow.
If she says anything, it'll be a good reason to never speak to her again.
Don't worry about her, you've worked so hard, my Dsis put back on 2 at the start but has maintained it years now.

I would pretend I had no idea she wasn't being completely sincere. If she compliments you say something like "ah thank you so much, a lot of people have been saying that recently but it's always nice to hear!" With a huge smile. She'll absolutely hate it but there's nothing she can do - she can hardly say "actually I didn't mean it!"

It's also the easiest way to react because you don't have to think of specific witty comments in the heat of the moment, just react as you would if your dh or mum or best friend gave you a compliment. If you can get your hair/nails done or wear a nice outfit that you feel confident in even better.

Same if she insults herself - whatever you do don't play into it and give it "no you don't, you look lovely!" Either just say something non-committal like "aw we all have days like that sometimes" or go harder "sil I can't help but notice you always make very negative comments about yourself. Is everything okay?"

Or even full blown "sil, you talk about your weight so much. None of my friends or colleagues ever talk about it as much as you. Is everything okay?" If she says "yes of course" "Well can we talk about anything else then? I don't want to call you boring but weve known each other for x years and I hardly know anything about your job/your interests/your thoughts on (topical issue)....surely there must be something more interesting we can talk about?"

Then everytime she brings it up you can just smile and raise an eyebrow and she'll know you're judging her for being a boring loser with nothing better to talk about -will hurt her far more than being thought of as a bitch!

"oh sweetie, don't be hard on yourself, at our age its hard to control your weight and it just really shows on some people. I'm sure you can lose it again"

If you bother to respond at all you could feign concern that her own confidence seems so low and move quickly on to prevent her from responding.

This response is perfect....do not let her comments 'hook you in'....acknowledge in a very breezy/vague and brief way and move on. Have some general responses pre prepared.

I'd first make her repeat anything rude she says. "Sorry, can you say that again?" Hopefully just that will embarrass her in itself.

And then "Oh gosh you really did say that. Oh dear."

Yes, very good.

'god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm'
'aw well... I didn't want to say anything as mentioning peoples weight is rude!'

👆 First response absolutely nails it. No other words needed.

Yes. Channel your inner Paxman. A withering look and a sympathetic smile. Maybe a "are you alright Val? You seem a little obsessed with this".

I tend to go the "how do you mean/i don't understand" route myself. It's like encouraging the person to elaborate on what they are saying, dig themselves into a deeper hole. Without saying much yourself, they then seem to realise that they sound a complete tit and become embarrassed. Hopefully. At which point you just walk away.

Her: You look well.
You: So do you! (Immediate segue into asking about her job / kids / hobby / whatever).

Her: I feel so FAT.
You: Your new haircut looks great though! (Immediate segue etc). Don't contradict her, don't let her see she bugs you.

Just look at her. Blink and continue to look at her. Don't respond with words.

I think I would pat her hand and simply say 'never mind'