To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

[YoYoYoYoSigh]

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

Oh absolutely. Was just about to say this. DD made a hilarious bingo card for a Christmas visit to boyfriends mum. Had all sorts of her random nonsense on it. Your SIL isn't going to change, you just have laugh that she's so tragic.

Love this 😁

You could add some faux concern is she feeling ok as she looks very tired.

100% this and a very obvious change of subject

classy digs and comebacks can quite often Back fire and you end up looking a twat

‘Ooh, I think we can manage more intelligent conversation than that, can’t we Wendy?’

How's she your sil? Is she your dh sister? Or your brother's wife? If it's the former I'd say a cheerful "thanks, your brother can't get enough of me in the sack" wink wink...that should shut her up.

‘I‘m such a heifer’

Yes I thought you had piled a few pounds on, have you tried a juice cleanse?

"YoYo you are looking well"

Cheers! I guess one of us had time to get ready today — and it wasn’t you

The problem with a mean come back (and all of the suggestions I've read come across as deliberately unpleasant) is that you risk simply being unpleasant to someone who wasn't talking about you.
I've seen this in real life - friend A with weight struggles couldn't cope with friend B talking about her weight issues - and B was definitely only talking about herself and has had weight issues since teens.

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm)

Probably because I have ADHD and most likely ASD I don’t get this NT deprecating stuff and would probably look her up and down and agree that her thighs/stomach/bum is looking a bit podge. I have been told afterwards that someone was upset with what I said and have been very confused why because I was actually agreeing with her.

Thing is they never did it again

“Why are you so obsessed with what people weigh?”

With raised eyebrows. Wait patiently for a reply. Keep asking the question until she answers it. She’ll get flustered.

”I can’t deal with you right now. Your brother left my knees trembling / bow legged this morning. It’s all I can do to stand up straight”. And wobble off.

I’m assuming SIL is DH’s sister.

No one cares what you look like - it’s what’s inside that counts - said with a fake but understanding smile 😊

"Ah Susie, you're always so kind!" with a pat on her arm and a glinty look in your eye.

Best response for assholes like this is to feign ignorance of their intention - it drives them nuts. If she says you look well - 'oh, thanks! That is so nice of you!'

If she asks if you have gained, look puzzled and ask 'why do you say that?'.

Just play dumb, it will shut her down and if she is looking for an emotional reaction, means you dont give her the satisfaction of it.

Tell her you aren't talking about your weight, health or body and ask to change the subject.

If they make an oblique comment, be direct. Say that you've noticed they talk about weight, you would rather not so let's stop and talk about something else. Change the subject, ask about what they have been watching on TV or reading, etc. If they continue, keep your cool and say this is t something you talk about, leave the room or conversation.

I might contact them in advance of meeting up so they have advanced notice this isn't on.

I would never bring up someone's weight or body changes. So rude.

Responses to her fake self-derogatory remarks -

You should try facial yoga 😊

Big-boned sounds better 😊

Its only your thighs - the rest of you is slim 😊

Don't let it bother you - it’ll come off when it’s ready. 😊

Menopause? 😊

And if she digs at you about your small regain, “more to love” or “blame your naughty brother - he likes something to grab onto” 😃

Laugh very loudly and say Fxxk off you nasty Cxxt.

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse.

You know, thin people do feel bloated and fat. It’s as uncomfortable for them to feel larger than they’d like as it is for you, we all have the same feelings and insecurities. Just because, comparatively, you are larger it doesn’t mean she isn’t genuinely feeling big herself. Are you absolutely sure she’s having a dig and not just venting or seeking complements because she is feeling low?

I have put nearly a stone on, I’m a perfectly slim size 10, but I feel awful compared to my old 8 stone 12.

It might be worth considering that it may not be about you at all.

As Christina Applegate said in Ron Burgundy Anchorman ‘Stay classy, San Diego.’

Or do the Michelle Obama thing and ‘go high’ - ‘SIL, oh and I was just about to say how NICE you look!’

B'Jaysus!!!!
This is fantastic 🤩

When you see her say “So good to see you again! [look at her face a fraction of a second too long] “Oh isn’t ageing awful? Still, we try our best!” All smiles ofc.

" I can, and am continuing to slim down, but you are stuck with that face SIL"

"I'd rather be kind and comfortable than thin. Of course, it's possible for a person to be both, but..." I leave it to you to judge whether or not to add "...but I don't know anyone..."

or a simple "No, you've got less meat on you than a Quorn sausage. What a shame. Never mind,"

I have many others - but I usually need a specific barb to respond to.

I echo the hearty congratulations of others on your amazing weight loss to date, @YoYoYoYoSigh. I'm sure you would look beautiful at any size, but that's a fantastic achievement. I'm going to Slimming World - I've lost about 4 stone so far - I hope I can go on to do as well as you.

Some people are "perfect"(?!?) and "beautiful" on the outside but an ugly, spite-filled chaotic toxic mess within. It's possible to be beautiful on the outside AND on the inside without being stick-thin. You sound like you've got the better deal. Best wishes to you. x

I'd go with an exaggerated, theatrical eye roll and say something like "speaking of which, did you see Aunt Matilda's geraniums?" or "speaking of which, any idea how long the detour around the ring road will be there", something totally unrelated to whatever she said.

Grey rock. Meet her with indifference. Probably raise an eyebrow and walk off

Be positive about yourself
She either snide or deeply unhappy with herself
She says she feels she's a heffer then you reply 'im feeling great'