To ask for pithy but classy comeback for SIL?

[YoYoYoYoSigh]

I've always struggled with my weight. I'm currently 8.5 stone down, up from 11 stone down 12 months ago 😬.

My not-darling-SIL is obsessed with weight and body image small talk.

I hardly see her, but there's a family event soon and I know one of the first things she'll mention is some sort of snide comment on how well I look. To clarify, she's not the type to give a compliment, only a back handed compliment. She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse. It's all done to make me feel shit. And it hurts but I'm trying to change my mindset to she her as tedious.

So she'll definitely mention my/her weight when we meet to draw attention to my struggles and to unsettle me.

I want to go high and stay classy, but I also want her to subtly know that I know her game.

Is there any approach I can take that won't be inappropriate in a celebration setting.

I'm stronger now thanks menopause (ex people pleaser/ feelings smotherer) but I'm still letting her niggles have power over me. 🥲

If she says she feels fat just say it’s okay, there’s more of you to love with a head tilt and tinkly laugh.

I would get her in her head so reply that she's not looking herself really and leave her wondering.

Whatever snarky comment your SIL comes out with regarding your weight just say:

"Oh my goodness what a coincidence! I have just started studying psychoanalysis, and what you have just said validates the current area I am studying. Please do excuse me whilst I just take down some brief notes......"

And then walk off with a little notebook and pen in hand 😂

You could always channel Maggie Smith in Downton Abbey:

”Do stop obsessing about body weight, Sandra. It’s so very middle class”

This one is good!

Ugh, people like this really wind me up. I know one who only comments on how I look when I feel I’m wearing something lovely and feeling good. Then she will say “you look tired, are you ok?” I just ostentatiously change the subject.

Love this.

Perhaps first, get her to repeat it.

'sorry, I didn't catch that, can you repeat it?'

I find getting people to repeat things is pretty powerful.

then the little smile

She'll often do that disengenous shit where she disparages herself (god, I'm just feeling such a heifer atm) when she knows that my comparative are much worse.

I would just lean into this briefly, then move briskly on… ‘So sorry to hear you’re struggling, Denise <pause> any nice trips or holidays planned?’

Anything about your weight, if there’s a hint of a compliment, ‘Thank you Denise <pause> any nice trips or holidays planned?’ If it’s shady, I’d just give a non-committal hmm and change the subject.

sil: god I am such a heifer at the moment
you: never mind. Putting weight on is always a good excuse to buy some new clothes

you could add in a little disparaging glance at her clothes if you wanted to go the extra mile

I like this approach

"witty comebacks" tend to backfire as you just seem like a bitch. Classy is the way to go

This is perfect. My MIL is weight obsessed & I just want a to turn round to her & tell her to F off. However this is a brilliant response.

Next time she plays the “i’m such a heifer” game - reply “I noticed you’d put a little bit of weight on - it suits you!” and smile warmly.

Silence speaks volumes. Let her wittering hang in silence for an uncomfortably long time and then say something like “I’m going to get a drink, you?”

Or if you really want to make a point, after the silence, say “on that note…” and walk away

Id say, "you must have that effect on me!"

This is the winner.

The only answer on the thread that's actually pithy and witty.

When she comments about her own supposed weight gain just reply -

"Yes, I noticed, is it the menopause? Its so difficult isn't it"

Her - Im feeling so frumpy/fat/unpleasant
You - I can tell you're feeling like that, it does show. I can give you some tips to help you feel great. They worked for me so Im sure they'll help you too.
[Sweet smile]

As soon as she says something, shout out to the room “OK, who had 8 minutes”.

Seriously though, I would just smile and not say anything. If someone is trying to wind you up, there’s nothing that annoys them more than silence.

with a slightly open mouth

“You don’t look that bad. Must be the change in season. “

”I’m getting having a clear out of you need any clothes. Have a lovely xxxx it would suit you and a xxxxx”

”aw I know you - you’ll soon lose it! Get back into those Christmas party dresses and the festive indulgences and start all over again in January”

“oh no -why’s that then? “

“You’re like me -far too fond of cake”

Yeh if you can this would be great. Obvious eye role, take a breath, smile and change the subject.

When faced with a situation like this, my Mum (who was a very classy lady) would let a few seconds of silence pass, and say "its been a funny sort of a day ..."
That killed it.

• “You’re far too clever/interesting/fun to waste chat on the scales.”
• “Thanks—what makes you say that?”
• “I’ve learned to keep conversations about bodies short—life’s too interesting.”
• “Anyway, today’s about [the host / the occasion], not our waistlines.”

As kindly and softly as you can...."SIL, I weigh more than you and feel really happy with myself, whereas you mention weight a lot. I'm quite concerned by how low in confidence you must be about your looks. How can we help you? You look great honestly, you have nothing to worry about. I mean, your skin is a bit dry and I know a great colourist who could take a look at that hair, would that help in any way? It's all things we can work on".

"I'm so glad I don't worry about looks and body image any more. I was never obsessed, like some people, but still, I'm above all that now. I have grown up!"
(the last sentence said with a silly,annoying, tinkly laugh).