I can’t figure out who is right here.

[iamamickey]

I have a daughter age 23. She is in final year University. She has a car which she needs to help her when she is on placement. She has a part time job in hospitality but is only about 8 hours per week and she gets basic loan from uni funding.

The car has developed a fault. Probably something to do with breaks need changed. Husband is adamant we don’t pay for Any of it and thinks I shouldn’t even organise to have it looked at. He thinks I should at most tell her where to go and let her do the rest. He said this is Real world stuff and I need to stop
babysitting her.

I think she will get ripped off if she goes alone. I feel like I might need to hep
out with the price too.

can anyone let me know how it works out with their kids please. Let me get some perspective? AIBU for wantimg
to help?

I mean given she needs it for her uni course, why doesn't your DH want to help?

I feel like there has to be a back story here?

Is he her bio dad?

Of course you should help her if you can!

She's studying, she's working, doing what she can - surely family is there to help?!

Of course I would help, given this scenario. Her father is a knob.

Good grief of course you should help her! She'll have plenty of 'real world stuff' in future anyway. This is what parents are for. To help.

I think the big question is, can you afford to help her? If you can then of course you should - she needs the car for uni so she is still dependent on you. I'd say your DH is being arsey unless of course there is a bigger back story and your DD has had money from you in the past that he disagrees with. I mean, what will happen if you don't help her financially to sort the car - how will she get to her placements? Does DH have a plan for that?

I’d absolutely help my child out regardless of their age with a car that had faulty breaks!!!
All for instilling independence but not with this.
She needs this car for her studies, don’t mess about with it. Get it sorted. For her, with her, whatever. Make sure she’s safe on the road and able to get to her uni placement.

We would help - in fact still do help DD if she asks. Not with the garage any more; we took her to our usual one the first time she needed one to make sure she wasn’t conned; but other things yes, if it’s (a) the first time she’s needed it or (b) she’s working in fact I ran around finding a prescribing pharmacist just yesterday while wondering why she didn’t use the one by work

We aren’t in a position to help her financially as she earns more than both of us but still do for practical stuff. Why on earth wouldn’t we?

What a rotten father , tell her where to go , really !!! Most dads want their daughter safe in a reliable car . She is doing everything right , at Uni , supplementing her income with part time work . Yes I do think you pay for the repairs.

I think you and your DH should help her (pay for most of it), your DH is wrong.

Absolutely help her - I’m in my mid 30s, financially stable and totally capable of organising/funding car repairs, but my Dad still always offers to help (and with other things too, e.g. DIY).

Is there any backstory to this, or is your H just being a tight bastard?!

What a rubbish father not to teach her how to deal with this the first time it happens.

It’s a difficult one, at 23 (well, anything past 18 really) when I’d left for uni, my parents have done zero to help me financially so no chance they would have even helped me constructively / emotionally cope with figuring out what to do with my car and finances. That being said, I have a lot of frustrations about my parents approach to raising me and their selfish and unsupportive behaviour. I have young children now and I feel like I would help guide them as they become young adults and figure out things like this for the first time even if that means some financial help. I guess it’s making a point to them about trying to keep savings for these types of things coming up, equally I remember this being pretty impossible in my twenties and often not having a car for a while as a result. I did use a lot of public transport, which I found quite stressful 😣

Brakes are a safety issue, I'd help her find somewhere that won't rip her off and if she can't work because she is studying, I'd pay for it. How much you can claim at uni is based on your parents income so its unfair not to support them in that sense. If she has a job of her own, then obviously she pays.

I think I'd try and resist the urge to sweep in and fix the whole problem for her, he's right this is stuff she needs to learn how to do herself. I'd offer advice on finding a reputable garage but let her organise getting it there (unless she's really struggling to find the time). I'd then let her tell me how much it is and offer to help with costs if she needed it. There is something in between leaving her completely alone with this problem and taking full ownership of it.

I'd definitely be helping. After all it's an investment for DD future.

can you afford to pay fur it?

Can your dayghter afford to pay for it?

If your daughter can’t afford it, can you compromise and you pay for it, but your daughter pays you back over time?

I'd always help my child regardless of age if they needed it and I was able to.

I was 59 when my dad died, and he was always trying to to slip me an odd £20, just in case I needed it (I didnt but you never stop being a parent) 😅

To be honest, at 23 I’d expect her to be able to sort the practicalities herself pretty easily. But I would absolutely help with the finances if needed.

I would help with the practicalities if she asked, but it’s not clear from your post? Has she asked but your DH wants to refuse? Or has she not asked and you’re wanting to get involved and your DH thinks you should let her crack on?

I can't imagine this has come as a complete shock OP. I mean, there's surely been signs of this sort of thing before over the years? Unless he's suddenly had a personality transplant?

Is DH her father, OP? I’ve read through a few times – admittedly my head’s in the shed these days – but I kind of get the feeling that perhaps he isn’t. If not, has there been issues before?

I think your DH has a point. If she’s old enough to drive and own a car she’s old enough to sort out the practicalities of it.

Husband is her step father. Their relationship is a bit strained at the moment. She’s moved back home as uni residential prices have gone through the roof here. So we helped her buy the car and paid for insurance. He feels she doesn’t do enough in the house but he doesn’t see what she does do. She’s not great at doing housework but will do it no problem if asked. She is great at helping me with her siblings. She’s a good support to me.

He feels she should be paying for the brakes and organising the fix for herself. She hasn’t a clue where to begin and I know until her loan comes in she’s broke.

I would support her to get it fixed, and help finance if necessary (maybe a loan until loan comes in) but I don’t think sorting it all will do any favours in the long run. She does need to learn about sorting maintaining it if she has a car

Your husband is right. She’s 23, far from being a teenager. She should pay for it herself and she needs to work more than 8 hours a week.