To buy a house that suits me and not my children

[JaneEyrie]

My husband died 3 years ago leaving me and 3 young adult children.
It’s now become apparent that we will need to move as I can’t afford to stay in this house or even downsize in this area.
I live in London and my 2 older DD live and work here, but have not yet found careers so may end up moving for work. My youngest starts uni this autumn. So they're still dependant on me..
I could find a cheaper area in London where i could house us, but my 2 DD might end up leaving me soon and I’ll end up with a bigger house than I need in a not great area. I’m worried about buying something that stretches me too far financially.

I’d love to find my forever home and have some much needed stability.

I’m getting tired of the noise and dirt of London and long for a nicer forever home somewhere suburban but If I move out of London, the 2 that work in London probably won’t be able to live with me.
Ideally I’d like a small 2 bed place but can’t bear depriving the children of a family home after they’ve recently lost their father.
I’ve been looking at houses but an just depressed at my options and can’t sleep for worrying about making the right decision.
I feel stuck and am just not sure what to do. Do you have any advice for me?

Is it worth considering a place with more flexible accommodation? House with a Studio/Granny flat attached. That way they would have somewhere to come back to or you could rent it out for income.

Or a large house in a community that also has suitable retirement flats if that is what you may want in the future. That way you could downsize without leaving the area.

Best wishes OP. Definitely make the decision in conjunction with your kids. All the best to all of you for the future.

You are looking at this through a London centric lens. If we zoom out…..

you will have to move away from friends and family anyway so why not move away somewhere where you can settle in a larger home that has space for you all.

Leeds for example. You can get a 4/5 bed home for way under your budget in a nice area (£600k for example) giving you money to invest in your pension, or having a lovely time.

2 hours Leeds to Kings Cross. I bet it takes at least an hour to see lots of people across London.

there is lots of community and also jobs for your DD’s who are looking for careers.

why not consider leaving London and thus money problems behind

@Temporaryname158 that’s a very good idea. What I think would be helpful would be to be able to find out more detail about cultural equivalencies. Like, for example..what is the Hackney of Leeds? Is there a Richmond of Leeds? Because otherwise it is an unknown sea of possibilities and just so daunting. Maybe we need a ‘ Discover Leeds’ thread !

Generally speaking, anything to the North of the city is ‘naice’.

Yes anything north of the city is considered good. There are 3 unis so it’s multicultural, the city has the biggest Caribbean carnival outside London with 100,000 attending so its multicultural overall too.

areas such as Meanwood, Headingley, Horsforth, Adel, Kirkstall near the Abbey, Roundhay and Oakwood are all lovely and 15 mins from the city centre.

further out there are loads more lovely areas

Would you consider suffolk/essex? There are some lovely market towns about 1 hour commute to London. Lovely 4 bed house , garden, by river for under 500k?

I assume that he was the main wage earner? It’s a good reminder for people to get life insurance such that you can pay the mortgage off if the main earner dies.

In terms of your situation, your children are adults, just speak to them openly about the struggles you are having and I’m sure they’ll understand. You can’t live a lifestyle you can’t afford without storing up trouble down the road.

Could you maybe find a 'doer upper' at a knock down price that you could all help renovate ?

This must be very tough for you, and Im sorry for your loss.
First off, I'd speak to the children and talk through all the options. One possibility could be to find somewhere on the Thameslink, that's far enough out to get good value for money, but where London is still within easy reach. Maybe St Albans or somewhere in that neck of the woods? Good luck!

Have you considered Essex? There are loads of properties close to train stations to commute into London which will almost certainly be far cheaper than staying in London and you could have a place big enough for you all. Think Witham, Chelmsford, Colchester. All great places too 😊

Agree Bromley is a good shout, OP. It still has a bit of a ‘London’ feel to it, so you won’t entirely be a fish out of water, lots of nice suburbs and different price points/types of housing, decent shops, restaurants, cinemas, excellent transport links (15 mins fast to Victoria), and if you drive you’re within very easy reach of beautiful countryside and only 90 mins from the coast.

I also think a pp’s Airbnb idea is a good one - you should get a fair whack renting out a house in Hackney, which would finance longish stays in a few different areas so you can make a more informed decision.

When you’re considering areas, just google ‘what’s it like to live in xxx’, and usually you’ll get loads of anecdotal info as well as the usual Wiki/crime stats type stuff.

Good luck with it all - I know it’s daunting, but it’s also exciting to start a new chapter after such a tough few years x

You go for viewings and find out about the area.

https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/165477710#/?channel=RES_BUY

Dedham is absolutely beautiful, with Colchester (not everyone’s cup of tea but I love it) not too far away. Sorry, not read the whole thread so not sure if you drive.

I second this, some beautiful villages in the surrounding areas if you want something quieter.

You’ve had lots of good advice already, but just to say for that budget you can absolutely get a nice detached 4 bed house (so one bedroom per child) in a good area within commuting distance of London. I live in one!

It sounds like narrowing the area is your main hurdle. There are websites where you can put in your commuting distance and your budget I think. Or look at train line maps going out in different directions from London and where the stations are in the sorts of areas you are initially thinking of, and then look on Rightmove from there. It’s definitely a good idea to try renting in your chosen area before you buy though - it’s such a big change, and you’ve been through such a lot. Have you considered applying to Kirstie and Phil…?!

You could look at areas north of where you are that are easily commutable into London and cheaper like Cheshunt, Hoddesdon, Hatfield, Welwyn Garden City.

Be honest. Be transparent. Your children are adults and you’re now a team. Call a family meeting and discuss the situation. You tell them what you think, they tell you what they think. Then all go away, think, reformulate your ideas and then get back together and see what you all come up up with, having had a talk and space to think. You sound like a fabulous Mum and this will all work out.

Could you rearrange the bedrooms so that one could be rented out, ‘rent a spare room’? It might make up for the shortfall and keep the whole family together for a couple of more years, until the older ones have found their feet and you more comfortable for a move.

I agree with other posters who've mentioned Essex. There are some beautiful areas that are on the tube or the overground into central London and it's very quick to get in and out. For areas that are walkable to station, shops, etc, I can recommend Epping, Loughton or Buckhurst Hill. From personal experience, they are lovely areas with a community feel and the people there are lovely. Essex people are very friendly from my experience. A friend has recently moved out of London to Hertford and loves it there. You get way more property for your money there and again, a lovely community feel to it, friendly people, things within walking distance. She still works in London and it's an easy commute. Best of luck.

I agree with other posters who've mentioned Essex. There are some beautiful areas that are on the tube or the overground into central London and it's very quick to get in and out. For areas that are walkable to station, shops, etc, I can recommend Epping, Loughton or Buckhurst Hill. From personal experience, they are lovely areas with a community feel and the people there are lovely. Essex people are very friendly from my experience. A friend has recently moved out of London to Hertford and loves it there. You get way more property for your money there and again, a lovely community feel to it, friendly people, things within walking distance. She still works in London and it's an easy commute. Best of luck.

Greater London is huge and I'm sure there are many places within it where you could find a really nice decent sized property with good commuting for your AC.

I can't tell from your posts whether you are working yourself and need an easy commute, you haven't mentioned this.

Houses in the country like the one suggested often look great but the older ones are likely to need much more maintenance and I'd suggest that something more easily maintained might suit you better, also somewhere with good local facilities and easy commuting. A garden is great, but not too large or you will be exhausted by the work it requires.
Are you absolutely against the typical solid 3 or 4 bed Edwardian suburban semi? Many of these are solid with good sized rooms, are usually in areas with good facilities and have decent gardens?

I also agree that Kirsty and Phil might be a good bet, they have great sources of knowledge of areas around London and could help you buy in an area that would suit you. They're very realistic about finding suitable housing is for your needs.
Your budget would get what you want in many places, and perhaps flexible accommodation is the answer, with a living/kitchen and a second living room which can be a bedroom from time to time.