To buy a house that suits me and not my children

[JaneEyrie]

My husband died 3 years ago leaving me and 3 young adult children.
It’s now become apparent that we will need to move as I can’t afford to stay in this house or even downsize in this area.
I live in London and my 2 older DD live and work here, but have not yet found careers so may end up moving for work. My youngest starts uni this autumn. So they're still dependant on me..
I could find a cheaper area in London where i could house us, but my 2 DD might end up leaving me soon and I’ll end up with a bigger house than I need in a not great area. I’m worried about buying something that stretches me too far financially.

I’d love to find my forever home and have some much needed stability.

I’m getting tired of the noise and dirt of London and long for a nicer forever home somewhere suburban but If I move out of London, the 2 that work in London probably won’t be able to live with me.
Ideally I’d like a small 2 bed place but can’t bear depriving the children of a family home after they’ve recently lost their father.
I’ve been looking at houses but an just depressed at my options and can’t sleep for worrying about making the right decision.
I feel stuck and am just not sure what to do. Do you have any advice for me?

Why aren’t your adult kids contributing? After tax and working full time they’ll be getting around £1800 a month. Why can’t your youngest get a job? Most do when they are in uni. They are adults they need to pay their way in they want Yi live with you.

I would absolutely not recommend Margate. I think doing some airbnb in different areas is a good idea. But most important is talking to your children - there is no point in you paying a premium for a house which is easily commutable when you want this to be your forever home and they will be moving out probably fairly soon. You never know - they may be thinking they can't leave you so soon after losing your husband, and you're thinking you can't deprive them of a home so soon after losing their father. Good luck

You could get a 4 bedroom within budget in the outskirts of London whilst still being commutable. Look out north east on the Central Line and on the Weaver Line. There are some lovely places that are right on Epping Forest yet would still work for your kids to get to work and for you to see friends etc. Where I used to live until a few years ago I was a 10 minute walk from both the huge expansion of Epping Forest and the Overground.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

Have you thought about spending a bit less on a house outside of London for you - then freeing up some money to pay for renting rooms for your two older kids?

You could give them options - either to move with you to the new house, or you would pay 12 months to rent a room in a houseshare for them, so they have a bit more time to establish themselves at work and save before they take over paying their own rent.

Slightly different but we relocated when DCs were at uni for the sake of my health. Younger DC was annoyed but understood that he was fledging and future work could take him anywhere in the world. He didn't look back when he got jobs elsewhere in the UK and now abroad!
Your children may not have the same attchment to the "famly home" as you do. Talk to them. Two are already adults. Their responses may surprise you - and free you!

Not read the whole thread, but have you thought about applying for Location Location Location @JaneEyrie ?

An old colleague went on and found a home.

Have you thought about Ingatestone, Essex @JaneEyrie ? It has a really good (and good value) train service into central London and you can easily get a 4 bed detached house with your budget.

Can’t resist posting a suggestion. Goring is very nice…
https://www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/163355786?utm_campaign=property-details&utm_content=buying&utm_medium=sharing&utm_source=copytoclipboard#/&channel=RES_BUY

OP, yes, to discussions with your Dc.

But in your shoes, I would see a lot of benefits in staying in London. Friends networks, so much free stuff to do. Free 060s Oyster to look forward to (if they don’t abolish it)

It’s all very well when people move to the country or coast as a couple but given what you have been through I would stay close to friends, and somewhere easy for your Dc to travel to for visits wherever they end up.

Money-wise: in the future if your Dc move out you could take a weekday lodger if you felt able. A professional person who wants a London base a few days a week.

I think Walthamstow is great. New theatre, cinema, good independent shops and cafes, excellent transport and not a million miles from Hackney.

www.rightmove.co.uk/properties/162649265#/?channel=RES_BUY

I'd choose a lovely two-bedroom, two-bath apartment and let them all share the master bedroom. Once one leaves, the remaining two share the second bedroom and you get the master. If you don't use all your budget, you can tuck away a little for each of them towards deposits in the future, whether they buy or rent. They may also be able to get onto the social housing list; it will take time, but will eventually house them in the borough (ok a decades time)

I haven’t read the full thread, but it seems to me you’d be better staying north of the river so you can still visit friends in the area, but further out on the trainline. Brentwood is nice, and Shenfield. Try Chingford, maybe even Wanstead, although that might be pricy. A bit further out is Chelmsford which is easy to get into town as well.

Maybe you need your forever area, so you can feel settled, but not necessarily the forever home?

@JaneEyrie Some really good suggestions and I don’t think you need to feel too concerned about your budget. It will go a long way if you look outside Zones 2 and 3.

I would look at a three bed in a commuter town with good transport links, prioritising being an easy walking distance from the station, shops and other amenities. But also a place that has a ‘centre’ and a life of its own rather than being part of London’s suburban sprawl. That way you will find the social groups, activities and networks that will help you build a new life.

Why not challenge yourself to do ten day-trip visits between now and the end of the year?
You will definitely learn something about what you like or dislike. Joining local Facebook groups can also give a lot of insight!

Have you considered Barnet? You may be able to afford a cheaper accommodation. There are some parts of South London that may fit this budget.

Have a look at Hither Green/Lee OP. Walkable to Blackheath (which is stunning) and Greenwich Park, less than 20mins to London Bridge and much more affordable housing. 4 bedroom terraced house for sale in Brightside Road, London, SE13

I mean, I feel like if that was possible, that's what she'd be doing!

I think if that is your budget, it might worth staying London.

Moving to a rural area wont make you happy. Your forever home needs to be in proximity to your friends & family. Also, “forever” means old age. You need infrastructure to shop/chemist/doctor.
Your kids wont be visiting you in the Bundu.
Surely,
At the very least, the compromise would involve 3 not 4 beds.

What do you want from your next home?
Where do you want to live?
Your kids won't be with you forever (Well they might be, given the state of the housing market)

I think it depends if you are also hoping to free up some significant money as well, which is perfectly reasonable.

You are allowed to be irrational by the way op. You have lost the life you thought you would have, your darling husband and it must feel so daunting.

As you’re narrowing down areas join some of the local facebook groups and ask questions. Look and see what local activities there are that you might be interested in. You mentioned thinking you’d like a garden but not sure if that’s naive. See if there’s local gardening clubs , you’ll find people keen to give you plans and advice

Could you rent out the house, and rent elsewhere until the kids are no longer dependent?

I agree with those suggesting moving out of London, but finding somewhere your DD could commute from if that is what you want. As a parent I do think I personally would always want to have space for my kids to stay if they need ( until I move into sheltered accomodation ect anyway) but I do think you need to move to the right location for you. They will have a place to stay, just maybe not where they would ideally want it (so they either have to make do or rent somewhere else).

The op said that she couldn't stay in her current area and is finding it hard to be in london, hackney or the surrounding areas, and is asking for suggestions as to how to approach

That's what I was giving

You don't need to live in these straightened, anxious circumstances. You are almost unimaginably rich compared to most people in the country and indeed the world.

Sell your house, move out of the SE. Buy a mansion somewhere else for 400k and live off the investment income from the half mill left over.

Honestly, you are fantastically rich. I know it doesn't feel like it because of the London bubble, but you are. You have serious options. You could live a life of ease, if you want one. Lift your eyes to the horizon. Dream bigger.