To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

[SnugShaker]

I keep seeing stories about kids starting school still in nappies and I just don’t understand how that happens. Barring medical or developmental issues, surely toilet training is a basic part of parenting?

I get that every child is different but isn’t it neglectful to send a child into the world without such a fundamental skill? Interested to hear different perspectives, am I being too harsh or is this genuinely a problem?

Mine wasn’t allowed to start school without being toilet trained, where have you heard of children starting school in nappies?

YANBU OP, potty training is the pits. IMO those who delay it are mostly doing so for convenience.

My kids went to a private nursery - loads of kids in the preschool room NOT potty trained. They also went to a school preschool which would only accept toilet trained children - they were ALL potty trained. The only difference was that one setting didn’t allow it and the other did.

It’s come up in multiple places, both in articles and on parenting forums. Some reception teachers have even shared that they’ve had to help children change nappies or clean up accidents because they weren’t fully toilet trained. I know it’s not every school or every child and obviously children with developmental or medical issues are a different matter entirely. But it seems like there’s a growing trend of delaying toilet training and I just don’t understand the reasoning behind it.

It used to be that your child had to be dry by 3 to attend nursery. And of course they should !
And it's a given they must be dry by the time they go to school.

YAWN another thread on this!

YABU unless you are actually a reception teacher dealing with this!

Reception teachers usually meet with parents in the July before their child starts and they will chat about toileting. If there are any issues then they will discuss them. If the child isn't trained at all they will strongly suggest the parent does so over the summer holidays.
Usually the issue is medical or SEN not parents.

Yes in the past people trained earlier but a child trained at 3/ 3 and a half should be completely fine a year later when they start school.

Zzzzzzzzz.

I’m bloody trying with DS (3y 3m). He’s just not getting it and it’s driving me mad. Obvs not saying this to him.

I’m terrified he’ll be one of the statistics this time next year and I regret being so gung ho about ‘oh it’s so easy!’ when DD was sorted so easily.

He’s the only kid in the preschool room in nappies and I feel crap about it. Thanks, OP.

That is a way to keep the SEN kids out I suppose!

I work in reception and last year 6 out of 60 kids started in nappies .. 1 in 10 children

There’s a big difference between a 3 year old and a 4 year old which is what OP is referring to.

DC grown up now and the timing of choice when he was little was 3 and up. We went to live in the US for a bit when he was approaching 3 and the criteria for the nursery room was to be trained. Our UK nursery were very helpful when we started him training at 2.5. There were some moments when I thought he wouldn't get it, but he did within about 4 weeks. I think people just give up too easily these days.

He will do. Mine isn't either. I am sure they will get there.

She’s talking about kids in the preschool room not being trained because parents can’t be arsed. So no, it’s what she said.

This was my DS. We were considering deferring him because we were worried he wouldn’t be potty trained by the time he started school. We gave up for a few months and then he cracked it in 24 hours when he finally decided he was ready. And he was then much more reliably dry/clean than his friends who had been trained much earlier.

Sorry @cadburyegg youre right. I was referencing this from a PP

My kids went to a private nursery - loads of kids in the preschool room NOT potty trained. They also went to a school preschool which would only accept toilet trained children - they were ALL potty trained. The only difference was that one setting didn’t allow it and the other did.

Mine only got there just before 4, he does have SEN but this is only recognised because I’m pretty clued up. It would have been very easy for it to be missed and I would be labelled a lazy parent. It took huge effort by me, health professionals and pre school. People are so quick to judge and less quick to think about why.

My DD was dry at 2 years 2 months. She went to school at 4 (summer born so was the youngest) and she’d been toilet trained nearly 2 years at that point. At multiple points throughout the year she had both wee and poo accidents at school as she was distracted and a bit disregulated/ stressed with the school environment. 🤷‍♀️

One thing I found shocking though is how little nurseries help with potty training these days. My mum said nursery was hugely helpful back when I was a toddler whereas now some nurseries insist on nappies until toddler is fully trained and can hold a wee for minutes and can ask to go reliably. That's quite unrealistic for a 2 year old. Potty training to that level takes weeks and if nursery is difficult about it, it puts parents in a tricky spot where you essentially delay and delay until child is over 3.

Thanks - this is reassuring.

DS will wee on the toilet if asked to do so but has no sense of telling us or knowing when it will come and poo is a nonstarter. We put him in pants and if he wets or soils himself he freaks and then refuses pants.

DD was trained very easily and it’s not parental laziness. I wish people could understand.

Some people are weirdly competitive about this. (“I was strapping my six week old to the potty and she was dry at nights by 12 weeks” etc etc).

Mine were both over 3. And I was tearing my hair out with stress. They were stubborn as fuck and just didn’t want to do it. And then one day, they just…did it. Like they just decided they were doing it. And they never had accidents day or night from that point.

I wish now that I hadn’t wasted the energy worrying about it so much.

Ds1 was in pants but still wetting regularly when he started school. Ds4 was in nappies when he started school but toilet trained over the easter holidays. Both have SEN.

You’ve got time, plenty of time. The key thing is that you’re a parent who is trying. Bribe him if you need to, we had to for pooping as my DS just didn’t like the feeling. For wees, we turned it into a game where all his teddies would need a wee during the day and he then wanted to do what his teddies were doing. Hang in there!

Same here, dd turning 3 next month and still having multiple week accidents most days, started training in March. It's so much harder than I thought it would be, it just isn't clicking for her.

*wee accidents

This x10.

It cannot be that unfathomable that children find toilets in school to be scary - Andrex have based their recent advert entirely on withholding in school. With such small children withholding very quickly turns in to constipation which is a bloody nightmare to manage (from experience) and that’s where regular soiling happens. Not because they want to crap themselves, but because it just involuntarily comes out. That’s not a parenting problem, it’s a psychological one.