To think that not toilet training your child is seriously irresponsible?

[SnugShaker]

I keep seeing stories about kids starting school still in nappies and I just don’t understand how that happens. Barring medical or developmental issues, surely toilet training is a basic part of parenting?

I get that every child is different but isn’t it neglectful to send a child into the world without such a fundamental skill? Interested to hear different perspectives, am I being too harsh or is this genuinely a problem?

Yep.

Changing my son isn't easy.

He's 9, tall for his age and is physically disabled so can't stand. His bowel also doesn't work correctly which means that he goes multiple times a day and he doesn't have very firm poos either.

My daughter has everything between nothing at all for 2 days (if it gets to 3 we give a suppository) and 4 times in three hours. Usually mushy, sometimes slightly firmer. I wish it was even slightly predictable so we could just sit her on the toilet at specific times and try to catch them that way! She's only 3.5 so at least currently we can still lift her on to the toilet for wees (intermittent catheterisation) as long as she hasn't pooed. She can at least kneel (holding on to something) so that might eventually be an option for cleaning, although having her kneel on the floor of a public toilet doesn't seem pleasant or dignified. Hopefully by the time she's 9 we'll have a solution for at least getting her out of nappies (enemas has been mentioned as an option).

4 times in 3 hours wouldn't be unusual for my son, it used to be constant but has calmed down thankfully as his bowel has improved slightly but they think this is as good as it's going to get because he doesn't absorb nutrients very well which is why his poos are almost always mushy and frequent.

We've tried a few things but unfortunately nothing has worked so they've said that he'll very likely always need pads now.

Please tell me you get pads prescribed by the NHS ?
When my son was in nappies we used to get three a day we always ran out before we got the next supply
I would hope your son is entitled.to more than three?

He gets a whopping 4 a day. I was told it is a supplementary service and that 4 a day is enough for most children because of how absorbent the pads are.🙄

It really should be a case by case service imo

And yes we were told about the absorbency of the products but you can't leave a child in their own faeces because the product is supposed to be very absorbant

That's exactly what I said.

I agree that it should be on a case by case basis. All I got was that it is enough for most children which may be the case but when it isn't enough for your child, it isn't enough.

I work with lots of schools. One of them has 45 new Reception children starting next week. In July, 16 of those 45 children were still in nappies.

One can hope that the parents will spend the summer toilet training, but I’m confident that several/many of those children will still be in nappies next week. The school has had to employ additional staff just to change nappies and support with toilet training.

I find these responses shocking. I'm in Central London, DS was required to be potty trained by 3 for nursery. He's only 6 now so this wasn't in the dark ages! Where are schools having one-third of their reception pupils in nappies??

Nappies are so expensive and bad for the environment I couldn't wait to get mine out of them!

They presumably have the same staffing as any other nursery setting, and our nursery are really supportive!

Though tbf, our nursery is purpose built, and the room layouts have been really thoughtfully considered to support easy changes, food prep etc.

My DD starts school Thursday and cannot poop on the toilet she only does it in her knickers. We have been trying for 2.5 years so no it’s not we just can’t be arsed! Unfortunately she will just have to go to school there isn’t anything we haven’t tried. My eldest was potty trained at 2.5 years within 1 week. Every child is different it’s not that parents just aren’t doing it. The past 2.5 years have been awful for us as a family !

My daughter was like this. The reception teachers were happy for us to put spare underwear etc in the bag. We had outside help to try to sort it. One day I realised she hadn't done one in her panties for a week or two. She had started doing it by herself! She was and is a stubborn little bugger.

One thing that annoys me on MN is that many posters say, "oh, I just waited until my child was ready, then it took 15m and she never had an accident since".

Cue other poor posters whose kids who were never going to get it in 15m regardless of age feeling reassured that if they wait long enough, it will be easy for them too.

Truth is most children will fall into the "weeks" timeline, not the "days" or "months" one. We're on day 10, and he's having fewer accidents, initiating and generally staying dryer longer.

But it's a slog (not the training itself, but the knock on to the rest of your life). If I wasn't sure he was making progress I'd be damn tempted to believe that it would mythically take 15m if I waited another 6m.

My DD didn’t fully get it until she was 4.5 ( and believe me we tried), at which point she learnt to go on a schedule. It turns out she’s autistic and doesn’t actually feel when she needs to go, but we didn’t know that then. Fortunately she’s autumn born so it was sorted before she started school, but if she’d been a few weeks older…