Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

AgentPidge · 2025-08-27T10:04:13+00:00

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please. I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen. After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him. I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything): Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that. Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder. Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic... Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe? Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden. Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that. So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day. Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

DashboardConfession · 27/08/2025 11:05

I bet you my house he wouldn't have said any of this to a man.

Some men get their kicks from trying to make women feel small and stupid unfortunately. The same ones that try and force me to speak to them when I have earphones in to say something inane about the weather.

anon12345anon · 27/08/2025 11:06

sound like a pair of busy body twats.... you did nothing wrong .

RuthandPen · 27/08/2025 11:07

I would have said 'You should really speak to a therapist about that level of anxiety' and not given it another thought.

Original poster

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:10

Thank you. What a relief ! He seemed so adamant it made me wonder if he'd just done a First Aid course or something.

OP posts:

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 27/08/2025 11:11

Honestly, you will find a lot of people coming on this thread to ask why you didn't just tell him to piss off etc.

The thing is, when you are relaxed and minding your own business, and someone unleashes some completely bonkers comment at you, it's easy to feel caught off kilter.

He was wrong, and rude. Try to put it out of your mind and don't take any weird comments on here too much to heart.

ChaToilLeam · 27/08/2025 11:14

He was a busy body and a twit. Thinks women shouldn't be allowed out on their own. Once in a while I've been concerned about someone and just popped over to see if they're alright and on hearing yes, just said "great, have a nice day" and gone on my way.

WTDress · 27/08/2025 11:16

He’s unhinged.
It’s a him problem, not you, don’t give it another thought.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2025 11:18

Is it completely bonkers though? You were on your own in a field. It is quite unusual to find someone lying in a field on their own. So whilst he shouldn't have told you off, I don't think he was wrong to show concern.

Miriabelle · 27/08/2025 11:18

Some men just really like to tell off women in public - there are lots of threads on this (in fact there was one just last week about random men telling women off about weird things!)

CreepyCoupe · 27/08/2025 11:20

You’ve just had the misfortune to come across two absolute loons. Normal life must be a daily struggle for them.

RuthandPen · 27/08/2025 11:23

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2025 11:18

Is it completely bonkers though? You were on your own in a field. It is quite unusual to find someone lying in a field on their own. So whilst he shouldn't have told you off, I don't think he was wrong to show concern.

She wasn't lying sprawled face down in the mud in a remote field, miles from anywhere, she was obviously sunbathing (shirt draped her face and head) in an accessible National Trust field in which she's just had a picnic, beside a busy car park. When someone is lying in the sun in a NT property in full view of a lot of other people, the chances are they're sunbathing, not suddenly struck down.

And the man knew she was OK, because she'd sat up while he was walking towards her, when he went back to talk to his friend. By the time he walked back over to rebuke her, he was doing it purely to relieve his busybody feelings, not because he was anxious for her safety.

ThirdStorm · 27/08/2025 11:28

If he was genuinely worried he would have approached you asking if you were ok. I think I've heard everything now. He'd best not visit the park near me on a hot day! ha! Lots of people laying around in the sun.

Original poster

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:29

ChaToilLeam · 27/08/2025 11:14

He was a busy body and a twit. Thinks women shouldn't be allowed out on their own. Once in a while I've been concerned about someone and just popped over to see if they're alright and on hearing yes, just said "great, have a nice day" and gone on my way.

Exactly. If I was worried I'd see if they were breathing and then creep away.

OP posts:

5foot5 · 27/08/2025 11:30

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2025 11:18

Is it completely bonkers though? You were on your own in a field. It is quite unusual to find someone lying in a field on their own. So whilst he shouldn't have told you off, I don't think he was wrong to show concern.

True. But if he was genuinely concerned he could have gone over to OP to check she was OK. I suppose he might have been hesitant to do that in case it came over as a bit threatening for a man to approach a lone woman in a situation like that. However, once the OP got up and walked over it was apparent she was OK so there was no need for his ridiculous observation about it being selfish.

LittleBitofBread · 27/08/2025 11:30

RuthandPen · 27/08/2025 11:23

She wasn't lying sprawled face down in the mud in a remote field, miles from anywhere, she was obviously sunbathing (shirt draped her face and head) in an accessible National Trust field in which she's just had a picnic, beside a busy car park. When someone is lying in the sun in a NT property in full view of a lot of other people, the chances are they're sunbathing, not suddenly struck down.

And the man knew she was OK, because she'd sat up while he was walking towards her, when he went back to talk to his friend. By the time he walked back over to rebuke her, he was doing it purely to relieve his busybody feelings, not because he was anxious for her safety.

Show quote history

Totally agree with this. He was an old busybody. He'd have his work cut out if he came to any of my local London parks on a nice Sunday
or maybe he just likes to tell off women, which would cut it down a bit.

Comedycook · 27/08/2025 11:33

Ruined your day sounds like a slight overreaction op.

Maray1967 · 27/08/2025 11:33

The truth is, we all need to practise some smart responses so we can roll them out when needed. And no, they almost certainly would not have said this to a bloke. The underlying need that some men have to tell a woman how to behave needs to be challenged firmly.

Tesremos82 · 27/08/2025 11:37

I don't really see the issue. If I saw someone laying on the ground in the local cow fields, I wouldn't expect them to be sunbathing. He was concerned and it gave him a scare. Perhaps he has previously found someone that was deceased or in need of medical attention that made him extra vigilant. I don't think people can automatically assume they wouldn't have mentioned it, if it had been a man lying there.

pizzaHeart · 27/08/2025 11:38

RuthandPen · 27/08/2025 11:23

She wasn't lying sprawled face down in the mud in a remote field, miles from anywhere, she was obviously sunbathing (shirt draped her face and head) in an accessible National Trust field in which she's just had a picnic, beside a busy car park. When someone is lying in the sun in a NT property in full view of a lot of other people, the chances are they're sunbathing, not suddenly struck down.

And the man knew she was OK, because she'd sat up while he was walking towards her, when he went back to talk to his friend. By the time he walked back over to rebuke her, he was doing it purely to relieve his busybody feelings, not because he was anxious for her safety.

Show quote history

This^
people have different experiences and I can see why someone might think that a person lying down on a field a bit far away from others and not moving might be unwell. However the normal way would be to go and check that this person was ok, be excited about it if they were and then to be off minding your own business. Coming back to tell OP off was nothing about concern for her it was him showing off in front of a woman, and yes he wouldn’t have said it to a bloke.

Tessasanderson · 27/08/2025 11:39

A man would have just told them both to eff off. I dont see any reason a woman shouldnt do the same.

What the hell did it have to do with them?

pizzaHeart · 27/08/2025 11:41

Maray1967 · 27/08/2025 11:33

The truth is, we all need to practise some smart responses so we can roll them out when needed. And no, they almost certainly would not have said this to a bloke. The underlying need that some men have to tell a woman how to behave needs to be challenged firmly.

I started doing : Oh thank you!
With a very sweet smile.
It’s very annoying for the other side but they can’t argue with this 😉

Confusdworriedmum · 27/08/2025 11:41

I don't know. My DD suffers from seizures and after it stops, even if she's been unconscious she can sit up after a few minutes.
Having said that if he was so concerned why didn't he check on you instead of saying something as you walked past?
On that basis I think they were just being a pair of idiots. Given that they obviously knew you were okay they should have kept their stupid opinions to themselves.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 27/08/2025 11:42

If he was walking towards her when she sat up then he was obviously going to check up on her. And plenty of people do walk on by someone. I know someone who was the victim of a hit and run and was led unconscious at the side of the road for a couple of hours as people assumed he was drunk and had fallen asleep. And yes people do fall into diabetic comas. He was wrong to tell her off , I would have said afternoon you had us worried for a bit there we weren't sure if you ok or not and left it at that. A field with nobody else in it is entirely different to a park or beach

MaryMungoMidgley · 27/08/2025 11:44

It's tempting to give him a piece of your mind, tell him who does he think he is telling you what to do etc, but best to smile and nod as if in agreement and then politely shut the conversation down and leave the scene.
Tldr: don't get drawn into debates with bossy and impolite strangers who might turn out to be a threat.

SapphireSeptember · 27/08/2025 11:45

Had a rude older man have a go at me in the library once and try to push my bag off the table. He called me selfish too because I had said bag on the table (actually said I was a selfish teenager and as I was in my late 20s I found that hilarious) but it was okay for him to take up as much (if not more) space with his newspaper. He got snotty with me because I wouldn't back down. Absolute twattery. And yes, I was minding my own business, writing a story with my headphones on, and it threw me for a loop.