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Original poster

Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

321 replies

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:04

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

OP posts:
Invigoron · 27/08/2025 12:59

He might have been shocked and thought he was dealing with a dead body. If I saw someone stretched out in a field with no blanket or beach towel I might worry the same - but I might ask “ are you ok” .
i would have just said I’m very sorry to have worried you.
I don’t think this is sexism or crazy behaviour. He was just anxious you might be collapsed/ fainted/ comatose/ dead

Imisscoffee2021 · 27/08/2025 12:59

AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 11:04

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

"Oh so why didn't you approach me then and check in??"

Do they want the world to manoeuvre around them so thedinont have to encounter any semi suspicious behaviour or anything that could indeed look like two things. Should people not swim in case it looks like drowning, should people not close their eyes on the tube in case it looks like they're dead in their seat?

Heaven forbid that you made him stop in his tracks and deliberate, what next!

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/08/2025 13:02

DashboardConfession · 27/08/2025 11:05

I bet you my house he wouldn't have said any of this to a man.

Some men get their kicks from trying to make women feel small and stupid unfortunately. The same ones that try and force me to speak to them when I have earphones in to say something inane about the weather.

Edited

This.

Kingsleadhat · 27/08/2025 13:04

So instead of chatting about how worried they were why didn't they come over to see if you were okay? They sound like a pair of twats.

housebrick · 27/08/2025 13:08

"Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden."

Does being in ones own garden prevent strokes, fits, heart attacks etc?

Thepeopleversuswork · 27/08/2025 13:09

Importantly, people shouldn’t be put off from checking others are ok Too often we hear about people walking past obviously worrying signs, which are later discovered to be a tragedy or someone in need of help. And no, checking someone’s still breathing isn’t enough! They could have had a seizure or have lost consciousness due to hypoglycaemia or any number of medical problems.

Nah, sorry, not buying that. The OP was obviously sunbathing. You don’t have the foresight to put a shirt over your head if you’re having a fit or a hypoglycaemia episode.

Worst case scenario and he actually thought there was something wrong all he had to do was to say: “Sorry! Was just checking you were OK.” No need for the patronising little lecture about it being selfish.

As a PP mentioned theres no way on God’s green earth that he would have said this to a man. He’s one of these blokes who sees every interaction with a woman as an opportunity to condescend, chide and assert superiority in a serious of micro ways.

ManchesterLu · 27/08/2025 13:09

I thought this was going to be about DH using the car park to make a work call when you'd finished your visit. Even that would have been out of order, but I can understand frustration when you're waiting for a space and people are just sitting in their car (it's their right to do so, though!)

His actual complaint is ridiculous. Why the bloody hell would you walk into the middle of a field to have a seizure?

PoolHog · 27/08/2025 13:11

Comedycook · 27/08/2025 11:33

Ruined your day sounds like a slight overreaction op.

Are you telling the OP off for her word choice? 😂

BadSkiingMum · 27/08/2025 13:12

Tesremos82 · 27/08/2025 11:56

So a public accessible cow field then! My mother found a neighbour deceased on the ground from a heart attack. Also having had two sons die of epileptic seizures in the last five years and read up on SUDEP and sudden death. I'd say finding a unexpectedly deceased person unfortunately, isn't as uncommon as you would think.

Show quote history

I want to acknowledge your post and say sorry for your devastating losses.

Rallentanda · 27/08/2025 13:14

Things men have told me off for:
being on the wrong platform at a station, then moving to the correct platform
taking a trolley at a supermarket
walking the wrong way on the pavement

There are men out there who just love to bring a woman down in some way, no matter how small. Pathetic little twerps.

AzurePanda · 27/08/2025 13:14

Ludicrous reaction. Someone lying in the sun in a field next to a National Trust car park is hardly unusual. Reminds me of the fairly constant phone calls I get to tell me one of my horses is dead when they’re just having a lie down in the sun.

valentinka31 · 27/08/2025 13:16

bonkers.

they seem absolutely bonkers to me.

Penzancepirate · 27/08/2025 13:16

I’d have been worried about you too OP.
I don’t think he should have told you off though.

FigTreeInEurope · 27/08/2025 13:20

He's got "holding out for a hero" by Bonnie Tyler buzzing about in his brain. Half hoping to be carried out of the car park on the shoulders of cheering men, half hoping to ride out on his white stallion with OP draped adoringly over the back. What a guy!

godmum56 · 27/08/2025 13:24

MaryMungoMidgley · 27/08/2025 11:44

It's tempting to give him a piece of your mind, tell him who does he think he is telling you what to do etc, but best to smile and nod as if in agreement and then politely shut the conversation down and leave the scene.
Tldr: don't get drawn into debates with bossy and impolite strangers who might turn out to be a threat.

yup. I have done first aid course and the advice if you have a genuine concern is to approack the person and say something innocuous like "good day" similar. If they don't respond then follow up with eg "are you ok?" "could you just confirm you are ok?" but anyway....

Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?
godmum56 · 27/08/2025 13:27

Rallentanda · 27/08/2025 13:14

Things men have told me off for:
being on the wrong platform at a station, then moving to the correct platform
taking a trolley at a supermarket
walking the wrong way on the pavement

There are men out there who just love to bring a woman down in some way, no matter how small. Pathetic little twerps.

I know its petty but I used to love it when I had an AC system that dripped on the ground when the car was parked. I used to get approached and told to "tell my husband" that I had a radiator leak. It was at a time when car AC was posh and unusual in the UK and I purely loved saying "Oh its fine, its my airconditioning" and yes some would still argue!

Original poster
AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 13:30

Velmy · 27/08/2025 12:16

It's ok to laugh at/tell these people to fuck off you know 😅

I was so gobsmacked, and it was two of them in agreement, that I wondered if t was me that was BU, and not them.

OP posts:
Original poster
AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 13:34

housebrick · 27/08/2025 13:08

"Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden."

Does being in ones own garden prevent strokes, fits, heart attacks etc?

I wondered that too. But presumably even our hero would hesitate to leap the fence in order to check someone wasn't dead on their own lawn.

OP posts:
FollowSpot · 27/08/2025 13:34

My sister and I found a man lying face down on damp grass next to a wall high up in the remote fells.

We approached gently and called hello from a distance, no response, got closer and said hello again , convinced by now that he was dead, and as we got even closer, a few feet, he sat up and yelled at us. Sad he was resting in his walk, we were nosy interfering cows and should mind our own business and leave people in peace. Picked up his rucksack and stomped off swearing.

So I think the conclusion is:

Women are in the wrong.

Saz12 · 27/08/2025 13:38

Of course it's fine/pleasant/normal behavior to lie out in the sun after a picnic!

If I saw someone lying out in the sun like that, I'd maybe try and furtively check they were OK. I'd feel like a twat doing it... and I definitely wouldn't moan at you! Probably scuttle away embarrassed and apologizing. I wouldn't if you were in a park or had picnic stuff around you. But I'm a bit of a worrier, and have had the misfortune of having tobdo CPR on a beach once, which colours my perspective.

deydododatdodontdeydo · 27/08/2025 13:39

He was coming to check on you as he was concerned.
You sat up showing you were fine.
You embarrassed him as you had him worried.
He felt foolish so took it out on you.
What a dick.

SparklingRivers · 27/08/2025 13:39

I wonder if the shirt over your head made him think it was a body and he didn't want to admit that? Seems a weird reaction not to go over if he thought you were unwell, and he was obviously concerned to have spoken to another person.

Original poster
AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 13:45

BitOutOfPractice · 27/08/2025 11:48

I would have wondered if you were ok op o think. But I wouldn’t have told you off.

And i wouldn’t have let it ruin my day.

Maybe "ruined my day" was a bit strong. "Made me feel deflated, and a bit guilty for upsetting someone."
It was because it's very unusual for DH and I to go out for a day like that, and I'd really enjoyed our morning, and lunch sitting in the sun, and this took the shine off it. I told DH and he just laughed and told me to forget about it. Told my BF later on and she said Random Bloke had a point and that I'd obviously worried him/them. I'm not so sure - I think it's the opportunity to look like a hero for saving someone. But anyway, I'm here for other opinions.

OP posts:
Original poster
AgentPidge · 27/08/2025 13:48

WonderingWanda · 27/08/2025 11:50

I've done a first aid course. I can assure you I don't wander about chastising people for looking like they needed first aid when the didn't. What a plonker. Was a an older man?

Show quote history

Yes, he was an older man. They both were. 60s I would guess.

OP posts:
BountifulPantry · 27/08/2025 13:49

Some people will create drama over literally nothing.

woman lying in field on a sunny day = INSTANT DEATH.

Must be awful in their heads! We should feel sorry for them really!