Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

[AgentPidge]

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

I imagine he started out genuinely concerned (or maybe excited that he had found a body, lol), and he and his friend talked themselves into doing something to help. When he discovered that help wasn't needed he felt like a dick, and he took it out on you.

Ironically, until he had a go at you, he wasn't actually being a dick.

You do find weird people at National Trust places that take it upon themselves to lecture you. DH was lectured by an old woman about the dangers of our DD doing cartwheels at Lyme Park once…

I disagree. It sounds like these men were unnecessarily patronising and a scolding towards the OP, but some of that might have been due to embarrassment. For all we know, they’d been watching the OP for a few minutes before deciding to walk over and check she was ok, but were then caught out and surprised when she suddenly got up and walked towards them.

Importantly, people shouldn’t be put off from checking others are ok Too often we hear about people walking past obviously worrying signs, which are later discovered to be a tragedy or someone in need of help. And no, checking someone’s still breathing isn’t enough! They could have had a seizure or have lost consciousness due to hypoglycaemia or any number of medical problems.

I’m forever grateful to the stranger who helped my DC when unconscious in the aftermath of a seizure at a bus stop. I’m also grateful to the lady who helped my mum’s friend when she was lying on a bench - because she’d had a stroke and was ill, confused and unable to sit up.

I’d also add that it’s possible these men had experience of medical issues that had made them concerned. They shouldn’t have said everything they did, but they were absolutely right to be concerned about you, even though it turned out you were ok.

Their intentions seem to be good, but you did nothing wrong. Put them out of your mind, enjoy lying out whenever you can!

What assholes ignore them @AgentPidge🙄

Well that’s not always the case. Men don’t approach lone women because they rightly worry they could frighten them. Even expressing concern to another human being can unleash a string of verbal and physical abuse.

I expect they fabricated the whole story when they saw you walking over to them. You were probably giving the sad pair of fuckers a hard on.

If they were genuinely worried about OP, they would have said something like 'Oh I'm so glad you're ok, we were starting to worry!'

Instead he told her what she should and shouldn't do, that she shouldn't be alone, and that she was selfish and making people worry.

How on earth you can dress that up as being concerned about her is beyond me. It was just an opportunity for them to put a woman in her place.

Awww you made the poor men worried, better not do that in future, don't want to worry the men, how ever will the cope? 🙄

Ridiculous men need to take responsibility for their own emotions and regulation!

Is calling a woman selfish for lying on the grass on a National Trust property really your idea of expressing concern?

This... and I think he was a bit peeved you'd cheated him of his Good Samaritan moment. A normal person would have been relieved that you didn't in fact need medical attention.
A more observant person would have clocked that you were very near to a car with your DH in the driving seat ... on the phone.

"Got told off by a random bloke for doing <insert innocuous activity>".

Ah! The joys of womanhood. Like mansplaining, there should be a succinct term to describe this phenomena.

Mantelling?

Repri-woman-ing?

Ad-manish-ing?

Tricky one! If they were so concerned, surely they would have come over to you and asked if you were ok?

As an aside, a few years ago, my DH was lying down in our garden having a snooze on the grass. Our neighbours son, then a teenager, came over to check if he was ok!

I agree.

I once had a man tell me that I have a New Zealand accent and I must be from New Zealand. Im British and I have a very standard RP accent. He would not accept that I was not from New Zealand, it was very bizarre!

The telling you off bit is wrong. You were completely within your rights to sunbathe.

But checking someone lying down in a field is ok, I'd say is a good thing. I say this as someone who collapsed from heat stroke on a busy costal path between Sennen and Lands End when I was 15 years old, and no one checked in with me. Most people just stepped over me.

Maybe he panicked and was over explaining as you'd seen him approaching. But then him and his friend got over defensive and starting blaming you. That's not ok, but may be why they did it.

I also say this as someone who rang 999 for a man who I found lying under a bush in a London park. He hasn't responded to *hello" but I also didn't get too close (20 year old woman on her own). The paramedic told me afterwards he was just very, very drunk and was using the bush to shade his eyes from the sun.

I do think they were probably genuinely concerned and maybe a bit concerned when they saw you lying there on your own, they sound like they were maybe fairly old and people like that have health issues on their mind a lot…..Forget about it

Older people also like telling younger people (even if they are adults) off and correcting their behaviour so maybe it wasn’t just because you were a woman

If he really was concerned, he could have just asked if you were ok and then gone on his way but he was an interfering and rather weird man using an opportunity to try and make a woman feel uncomfortable

It's not from good intentions though is it, thus the telling off. I think these kinds of blokes cruise around looking for something to press their beak into, to reinforce their sense of superiority. It's simply non of their business. Who made them the police and ambulance service of the world, and surprise surprise, as a bloke, I'd have told him to sod off. He wouldn't have said that to me though, because I'm 6ft and big and, well.. misogyny. No one should be making excuses for this patronizing clown.

They didn't check if you were ok though did they? god, most people would see you get up and think 'phew she's not dead' and maybe have a laugh about it. Not telling you off! maybe a joke with you but them making it so dramatic is ridiculous.

I am an "older person" and do not like telling younger people off and correcting their behavior and I have never had it happen to me when I was young or ever seen it happen now I am older. A strange and ageist thing to say

He may have been genuinely concerned about you but once he realised you were OK then he should have either minded his own business or had a laugh about it in the 'silly me, I thought you were a goner for a minute there!' line.

How old were these two men?

I think his concern might have just translated into a bit of anger towards you OP, he should have just been relieved but possibly he felt foolish for thinking the worst. He felt uncomfortable that he had been scared and transferred that to you. It’s nice that they were concerned tho. Don’t give it another thought. Ha ha you could take a “Don’t worry I’m only sunbathing” sign with you next time 😉

I got told off by a random man outside my house because my neighbours (hairless) cat was on the street. He went on and on about how it shouldn’t be outside and it would get stolen. After my repeated assertions that it was not my cat and nothing to do with me he said “well there’s no point talking to you as you clearly know everything” and stomped off.

Some men just like being obnoxious dicks to women. I bet he wouldn’t have said anything to my husband.

Did you read my post? I agreed that they shouldn’t have said what they did! But they were concerned the OP was ok.

It’s nothing like men calling out “Cheer up, darling” to a woman in the street because those men aren’t concerned about the woman’s health, physical or mental. These men reacted wrongly when they realised the OP was fine, but they were concerned that she wasn’t when they saw her lying in the field.

Well I have seen it happen and experienced it