Got told off by a random bloke! Is this being selfish?

[AgentPidge]

This was a new one on me and I would like opinions please.
I went out for the day with DH. We went to a National Trust place and took lunch with us. After we'd looked round, we went back to the car, got our lunch and sat in the field next to the carpark. So we were away from everyone but there were lots of people going to and from the carpark, so we could be seen.
After we'd eaten, DH said he wanted to make a work call and would sit in the car. I said I'd stay in the sun for a bit before joining him.
I stretched out on the grass in the sun. I didn't have a sun hat or sunscreen with me but I did have a shirt over my tee shirt so I took the shirt off and draped it over my head. After about ten or 15 minutes I remembered that I'd seen cow poo in the field, and had this vision of finding myself surrounded by cows, so I sat up. There was a bloke walking towards me across the field. He stopped, turned round and went back to the gate, where he was talking to another bloke. I sat there for another minute and they were looking at me and talking. When I got up and walked down to the gate, the conversation went like this (no "Hello" or anything):
Him: You shouldn't do that, you know. Stretch out in a field like that.
Me: Oh, are there cows? I did wonder.
Him: No, not cows. We thought you were ill. You could've fainted, had a heart attack, epileptic fit, diabetic...
Me: Really? So people shouldn't sunbathe?
Him: Not alone, no. You should have someone with you. Unless it's your garden.
Then the friend chimed in: Yes, it's really selfish. We were worried. You shouldn't make people worry like that.

So I thanked them for their concern (through gritted teeth) and went on my way. But it spoilt my day.

Thoughts: How many people having epileptic fits etc bother to drape a shirt over their head? How does he cope on the beach? Does he go round checking? I often go on my own - am I selfish? What about parks? It's common in London parks. Would he have told off a bloke? A friend IRL agrees with him. TIA

I think they may have been coach drivers (see above post). So doubtless looking for opportunities to relieve the tedium of waiting for their charges to finish their cream teas.

I grew up in a London suburb, but I knew the expression (stands for daft halfpenny worth).

Haven't heard it in decades though - I think it's old fashioned rather than regional.

That’s interesting! I always imagine it being said in a Yorkshire or Cumbrian accent, and my London born and bred friends (in their 50s-60s) had never heard it before

Bloody men assuming women need saving left, right and center. You did nothing wrong, I suspect it came from a good place in the sense he was genuinely worried but the issue is that the good place comes from a deeper, darker, not so good place which is that women can't really cope being out and about alone, and any woman lying down probably needs assistance from him. I don't think he'd have said the same thing to a man to be honest. It's very hard to challenge these things because they'll go back to "I was just trying to help, what if you'd needed assistance, I'm being the good samaritan" which is all true. The issue is that deep down they think women need men to play that role. Also, the reality is that sometimes we do want them to play that role, so it's not clear cut.
I'd try and forget it, you weren't in the wrong, lie down wherever you'd like and sunbathe whenever you wish!

I mentioned in my post cultural and regional differences - and that is why I found it so funny. I imagined it happening here and had a wicked little chuckle.

Yes, I know what a National Trust is. My parents took me to stately homes 😉as a child.

Here there are no public footpaths or bridlepaths through privately owned farms or ranches. In fact we carry liability insurance and sadly chase off children because of 'attractive nuisance doctrine', which came from English law.

I still believe the men were good men, who were concerned. I guess just rural people are like that. If the man wanted to get close to the lone woman for nefarious purposes, he wouldn't have turned and walked away when she sat up.

I must also add; here in the U.S. the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) manages livestock grazing on 155 million acres of public lands. About 20,000 permits/leases are held by ranchers who graze their livestock on these public lands. Because it's public land, the public are allowed to camp, fish, hunt, hike and many other recreational activities even when cattle are present, but these ranges are cover thousands of acres and look a little different than a fenced in English cow pasture.

And this is why women once they hit 50 say fuck you or words to that effect. By that point we realise they’re just arrogant stupid people. Particularly men, these particular kind are busy body arrogant f’ing twats 🤣

Short for halfpenny-worth.. it's a great expression.

And of course YANBU

Say exactly what you feel 👍 🤣

In my family the saying was ha'p'orth of tripe possibly also preceded by "daft". DM born in Yorkshire, DF's parents were Cockneys.

Sorry? I have read this 3x and don’t understand what the heck you mean @ItsDarkINeedToSleep

She lay next to her toddler daughter on the floor of a church to view the (Im assuming) ornate ceiling details and because shes 'heavier' she was worried people would think she had a heart attack.

I am impressed you deciphered that from….

I asked her to stay near me as a middle aged heavier than id like person i didnt people to think id had a heart attack. True story sadly.

and this poster lying down on the floor of the cathedral to look at the ceiling - wtf

Can't he tell the difference between somebody stretched out having a doze in the sun, and somebody who's collapsed in a heap?

Ive done a First Aid course - I don't go round looking for people who are clearly just lying in the sun in order to admonish or belittle them. He sounds idiotic and a right expletive deleted !!

Accessible National Trust field

Is that normal sunbathing spot?

in which she's just had a picnic

They we're not to know. Most people don't have picnics by themselves on field with cows. There is no suggestion that she had any picnic basket or mat with her thay would evidence such.

beside a busy car park.

Making it an even more unusual space to sunbathe.

When someone is lying in the sun in a NT property in full view of a lot of other people, the chances are they're sunbathing, not suddenly struck down.

Totally the opposite.

That sounds like an odd place to sunbathe by yourself. Conversely, there is no normal place to struck down.

And the man knew she was OK, because she'd sat up while he was walking towards her, when he went back to talk to his friend.

Clearly he didn't.

Once she sat up, as the OP said he stopped walking towards her. But clearly it means he was worried before that point.

By the time he walked back over to rebuke her, he was doing it purely to relieve his busybody feelings, not because he was anxious for her safety.

There is no suggestion he walked back over. They met at the gat when she was leaving.

Yes, clearly it wa snot for her safety. But just a minor comment to let her know that she had others worried. Rightly so, I am happy in a world where others care. And most people would try to make it more obvious in such a situation that they are sunbathing to not attract unwanted attention from passers by.

That's an impossible scenario.

If the person was conscious, then they would hear you coming and be freaked out. So the person creeping around would have to defend themselves and tell them they were there to check on them.

So the convo was inevitable. They probably hesitated for a bit like any sane person does.

Disagree.

Last week, there was a man in my local park lying down on his own.

He was checked on and was either asleep or unconscious. We called the Ambulance and they moved him on.

You don't just get to lay down outside your own property and expect that no one will bother you. A beach or something during the day would be normal. If you have a mat or are with someone, then okay also.

Otherwise, you will be bothered by people checking on you just in case. Glad to live in a world where people care.

@RVNmax

Accessible National Trust field - Is that normal sunbathing spot?

yep, often it is

beside a busy car park - Making it an even more unusual space to sunbathe.

nope. Inner city carpark would be strange, NT one not so much

Have you visited any NT sites? People picnic or sit/lay in sun all over the place. Often while they are waiting near the car parking area.

By the time he walked back over to rebuke her, he was doing it purely to relieve his busybody feelings, not because he was anxious for her safety.

There is no suggestion he walked back over. They met at the gat when she was leaving.

What difference does that make? The point is OP didn't want to get a bollocking for nothing. So he waited by the gate to tell her off rather than go back up to her - and? He was still in the wrong.

And most people would try to make it more obvious in such a situation that they are sunbathing to not attract unwanted attention from passers by.

How? Maybe next time there's the offchance that OP may decide to lie out in the sun in a fairly public place she should remember to take along a large sign that she can hammer into the ground with her trusty mallet that she will also have to take with her saying "NOT DEAD FOLKS, JUST SUNBATHING :)". Or maybe people shouldn't be nasty to random strangers who are doing nothing wrong?

BTW OP and OH had a picmic there and then OP lay down for 15 mins max.

to not attract unwanted attention from passers by 🙄

Yes it smacks of OP attention seeking 🙄

Absolute cockwomble! Some men get off on belittling people. I had it recently at a baby shower. I was crouching down with my 22 month old granddaughter showing her the balloon arch. She gently touched one and I said be gentle so it doesn’t go pop when a man/stranger touched me on my shoulder and said excuse me dear can you not touch the balloons as they might fall on you! I was raging! I’m more than capable of deciding if something is dangerous and like you was so shocked I didn’t think of a comeback quick enough but how dare he touch me and call me dear!

Me too. But not when they're telling women off as if they're kids.
Can do without that sort of caring....

Absofuckinglutely! 🤣