To think most people on here are slightly unhinged?

[Sadworld]

I’m genuinely curious and have changed username! I’m just shocked every time I read a thread and posts responding on AIBU. Some people are kind and thoughtful in their responses but others are quite unhinged I would say. I won’t mention any posts as I think that would mean a deletion due to a post about a post? I might be wrong tho. Just generally speaking I was reading a post from a few days ago and the OP was very clear but people responding with some crazy things calling her all sorts! I did defend her hence changing my username now as I don’t want people to find the threads I’m talking about and give more abuse to the OP’s. But seriously the latest one she was very very clear but the responses were absolutely batshit. It’s like gaslighting (is that the term I mean?). The poor OP responded kindly to the same accusations explaining but was met with more abuse!

Being a genuinely kind person I can’t believe people do this. What are the reasons? Surely the world can’t be full of shitty people like this? What’s other people’s opinions? For my sanity I will ignore the obvious goading attempts but will respond to all genuinely interested in a debate against my thoughts.

Another person trying to show how they nice they are by being patronising and using misogynistic language.

As I said, every thread is a one side story, so most people will take an OP at face value. What's the point of posting if you don't believe the OP?

What I find fascinating is not just the answers people give, but the questions that are asked. Usually it's quite obvious what the person needs to do (so I assume they are just seeking sympathy?) or are saying what they have done (so want everyone to pay them on the back and say how wonderful they are?). The desperate need for validation and lack of confidence is astounding.

Blaming or ridiculing the OP is everywhere on social media not just MN. I live in a small market town that seems to be full of nice people IRL but if someone posts a complaint about the bins on the town FB group there will always be PPs saying 1) maybe the bin man was having a bad day you are being mean 2) why didn’t you clear it up the 3) get a life loser 4) immigrants are to blame.

Completely agree OP.

If the OP has written anything that could even slightly encourage some criticism about the situation or their behaviour (particularly when asking advice about something far more pressing), many catty people come out of the woodwork.

I've seen some really upsetting examples where there's clearly somebody very upset reaching out for advice, and there's still been an absolute pile on.

Many people out there looking to twist the knife or completely devoid of empathy.

I guess that's human nature, wanting to write it down & discuss it and seek validation - and indeed why we discuss many things with our friends and family. And why forums exist!

Hi OP I stand with you on this one. There is nothing more irritating than starting a thread saying 'my husband has cheated on me with five prositutes shall I leave him / I am planning to leave him' and having five or six women jump onto the thread and tell you how you've been a bad wife and of course he has been cheating with prostitutes. I think there are definitely people on here who literally get off on being appositional, bullying and just vile. Having said that, there is so much support and, yes, kindness on here that it would be wrong to call out the entire collective.

I love Mumsnet very much but I never post personal things on here because I am sensitive. It is not always a supportive forum and you will get unfiltered opinions from people who just fire off what they think, that could be upsetting. I don’t think that’s unhinged though! If you are sensitive and need only kindness and support, don’t post here. If you are happy to receive a telling off or someone disagreeing with you then it’s fine.

It was nicer. It used to have lots of disagreement , but in a more normal way. Now, there are posters who come on to slap people down. They'll often try and police the threads too. They'll accise you of lying/making stuff up. It's weird now.
I wholeheartedly agree with you.

Exactly, often people just want the experience of chatting something through.

Agree, people can be the assholes they really are and want to be online

Many users have stumbled upon AIBU & been astonished at the responses on there.

What astonished me further was when I recently read someone saying that it's really fun for the writers of the vile responses to think up ways of deliberately misinterpreting what the OP has written, so as to take the p!ss out of the OP, berate & harangue her. This was presented as a great laugh & a challenge, with no thought given to the fact that there are real people with real problems or concerns starting threads about them.

I've also seen the abuse justified as 'well, it would be boring if everyone was supportive & helpful' - no, it's boring to have a thread filled up with sniping morons repeating the same bilge in the same phrases, over & over again. If they did it with style & originality it would still be unkind & unpleasant; but they don't do it with style & originality, so it's entirely without purpose.

Yes but there are other forums that are worse as I've experienced helping a friend who is a victim in all this. And yes it is gaslighting. They push you and push you to respond or react to something they have said and when you do finally respond in the negative they pile on you, saying how nasty you are and how unreasonable you're being. Its classic narcissistic deflective behaviour.

They are very clever in how they do it. They fool a lot of people, some who I'd go so far as to say are very intelligent people and yet follow what they say like sheep. The way they twist thing is startling.

They lack empathy and kindness and take delight in seeing their chosen victim squirm. It makes me wonder what they are like in RL. That they bring others down in order to escalate themselves and their own selfworth amongst their peers. Scary really.

It's even worse when the administrators of a forum fall for it. My friend has suffered for years at their hands, has developed anxiety as a result, sometimes to the point she can't sleep or work.

I often see this to a lesser extent.

As I mentioned earlier, an OP writes about hurtful behaviour she was subjected to and is accused of provoking it, "because there are two sides to every story and people wouldn't behave like that for no reason". A few posters then give their own wild imaginings of what OP "obviously" did, even though she says she didn't.

OP becomes upset and defensive, calling out the most unpleasant posters. They respond with, "you're very chippy, OP. I can see why your in laws don't like you." Or, "people are trying to help you and you've just called one of them 'bitchy'. We were right all along - YOU are the problem. I feel sorry for your poor MIL. No wonder she airbrushed you out of her son's wedding photos. If you genuinely want to get on with her, you'll apologise and buy her a bunch of flowers."

I think that Mumsnet should do a review of threads, especially noting the first dozen or more posts, which are always nasty and along the lines of “shut up and get over it”. Who are these weird unsupportive people? Are they organised or random nut jobs?

I also think there is an element of us having interactions on here that we would be unlikely to have in real life. The UK is particularly class based and it’s multilayered and quite subtle, so when we read threads on here we’re often exposed to perspectives, lifestyles and situations that we wouldn’t be in the real world, where we tend to, very much, stay in our lane.
Thinking of the recent thread where the OP had an invitation of 18 people sprung on her by her DH. People were disbelieving because for most people the costs and logistics of catering for 18 people would cause a lot of stress, particularly with only 48 hrs notice. But there are plenty of people who have the space and money to provide that kind of hospitality at short notice so in that context, the OP’s calmness may have made sense. It’s just an example but I do often read threads and think, if I met this person in real life would I be likely to interact with them?

I've been on here for about 20 years, maybe more. Apart from the early days the one thing that has been a constant is people complaining about how much nicer Mumsnet used to be.

In my personal view it used to be much funnier, but people were less likely to take a different opinion as a personal insult, so there was a more relaxed response to witty replies.

Wait until you're old enough for Gransnet
😂😂😅😅

There are certain triggers that set people off on here and it does make you feel sorry for the OP if they have posted without realising. There are definitely some rage baiters who know exactly what they are doing though.

There is also a level of anger if people think the poster hasn’t lived by the rules. All household chores must be split 50:50, everyone should be married regardless of circumstances because it makes financial sense but then they must LTB if household chores are not split 50:50 even if that makes no financial sense. You mustn’t earn too much, be too fat, be too thin, have too many children, drive a big car, cycle in the way of normal sized cars, home educate, privately educate or send your children anywhere other than the local school. You must swim in the middle lane, behave professionally, always do the correct thing, report any wrongs, call people out and not have more fun or a better life than other posters.

I haven't been on here that long but I remember you could wolf whistle at someone, or watch Little Britain and think it was funny without fear of reprisal. I would think Mumsnet was nicer then because people weren't taking offence every two seconds and people were 'allowed' to have a sense of humour.

...and the husband must work 15 hours a day and get up in the night to do his fair share of childcare...

Yes I totally agree with you

Yes & I find it so crippling when someone shoots you down for having a different opinion to them - Or for being diplomatic
It's stifling & I'm wondering what happened to 1)Live & Let Live & 2)Each To Their Own etc

There have been several threads recently on which the majority of replies seemed completely illogical to me. Started wondering if it's my age and maybe a generational thing (in my 50's).

Yes, so true - Seems oftentimes there's someone just waiting to condemn or criticise & it's uncompassionate to tell someone to get over it, when obviously the commenter wouldn't be seeking guidance, if whatever she/he's posting about, isn't a problem or worrisome for them 💚

It's even worse when the administrators of a forum fall for it. My friend has suffered for years at their hands, has developed anxiety as a result, sometimes to the point she can't sleep or work.

In the noughties I joined a forum started by a local person that was intended to be for discussing issues about life in our smallish market town. To begin with it was pretty friendly, fun and sociable. There were no moderators as there didn't seem to be a need for them.

However, it very quickly became more divided and acrimonious. One group of posters in particular seemed to hold fairly right wing, "hang 'em and flog 'em" type views. Whenever another poster disagreed with one of them or posted a more liberal view the whole group woul pile on and attack.

The person running the group did appoint a moderator but unfortunately it was someone who was largely in sympathy with the "mob". Eventually it imploded when a large number of this group were exposed as sock puppets for one person.

It was quite nasty because this isn't a large community and one or two of the mob's most outspoken critics were easy to identify and had anonymous threats made to them and unpleasant remarks made to their kids at school.