To think most people on here are slightly unhinged?

[Sadworld]

I’m genuinely curious and have changed username! I’m just shocked every time I read a thread and posts responding on AIBU. Some people are kind and thoughtful in their responses but others are quite unhinged I would say. I won’t mention any posts as I think that would mean a deletion due to a post about a post? I might be wrong tho. Just generally speaking I was reading a post from a few days ago and the OP was very clear but people responding with some crazy things calling her all sorts! I did defend her hence changing my username now as I don’t want people to find the threads I’m talking about and give more abuse to the OP’s. But seriously the latest one she was very very clear but the responses were absolutely batshit. It’s like gaslighting (is that the term I mean?). The poor OP responded kindly to the same accusations explaining but was met with more abuse!

Being a genuinely kind person I can’t believe people do this. What are the reasons? Surely the world can’t be full of shitty people like this? What’s other people’s opinions? For my sanity I will ignore the obvious goading attempts but will respond to all genuinely interested in a debate against my thoughts.

It’s crazy. People get angry at the op for ridiculous reason. Op might come here and say something like “I don’t think children should be eating haribos every day” and people will throw all sorts of insults and even comments like “well my child is 34 so I can hardly stop them. What would you expect me to do seeing as you’re the perfect mum?!”

😂

I completely agree with this.
Some posters are unkind and rude. Some are more honest than others. Some are a bit judgmental. Some just have very different opinions to you. All
of them would possibly do or say the complete opposite of faces with the person in real life.
‘Being kind’ isn’t always useful. It reinforces poor choices or incorrect beliefs. Sometimes people need a very firm wake up call.

Being on MN for a long time will also teach you that a huge number of AIBU threads are fake. However MN swiftly deletes any post that suggests a story may not be entirely true, even the most outlandish, fast moving threads. They have an agenda to keep traffic going which brings in great ad revenue so they tend to turn a blind eye to threads if they're pulling in views.

A lot of people also use MN to seed political ideas, creating fictional stories that can easily turn people's opinions about something (Gaza, vaccines, trans, migrants, A&E to name a few). I'm almost certain I've seen a near-identical thread to the current A&E one a few months ago, down to the same wording of the title and structure of the opening post.

So this isn't genuinely a place where you can believe anything. That makes "being kind" pretty silly because it means you're naive and easy to manipulate. It's honestly more fun to give an unhinged thread unhinged replies because at the end of the day, this is just a silly way to pass the time for everyone.

There are some unhinged people. It seems to be a competition to post the bitchiest thing possible on the most innocuous thread, especially if they've posted it on AIBU.

The racists who deny they're racists are rife on MN too - often trying to deflect through pretending they care about women's rights - although they're rife everywhere at the moment tbf.

The thing I find weirdest about MN are this whole breed of posters who have jobs paying £150K plus, are high flyers with multiple houses and kids at private school (where they have to pay VAT, grrr) and yet somehow find time to spend their whole lives on an internet forum.

Yes - I joined in 2001 when my ds was born. There was so few of us on it then and certainly everyone was a lot more restrained in how/what they wrote. It was brilliant. Life was a bit slower back then.

Calling them unhinged is being nice.

I invite you for a wander through the holiday board. Someone innocently asked where they could get vegan fish and chips to eat on the coast. You would think that the OP had asked where they could procure a baby for sacrifice.

The hate, teeth gnashing and frothing that is still going on is unbelievable (and also quite hilarious).

So yes, there are a lot of people on here that are completely batshit.

I would go further than "unhinged", all the way to "barking mental". I have been on Mumsnet for a good 20 years now, it has always been like this.

The flavour changes occasionally, and the topics cycle through. But the crazies are a constant.

Love em. You would be mad to rely on Mumsnet for anything sensible. But they do make for amusing reading.

@Sadworld

“It is a bit arrogant to label yourself 'genuinely kind' and other posters 'batshit', that doesn't sound very kind to me.”

I agree with this.

I don’t think you are as kind as you say you are 🤔🧐

I think a lot of people self censor in real life, but don’t bother with it on mumsnet, it’s refreshing sometimes, it’s a change from social diplomacy and fake nice polite opinions.

Ive seen some really kind supportive threads and found mumsnet to be really helpful myself, but you have to understand it’s all random people, you will never know who they are, you have no social contract with them, some people are absolute gems with hearts of gold being generous to strangers, others have had half a bottle of pinot and are bored.

The level of projection is insane sometimes. An OP will share examples of a friend or family member's hurtful behaviour, asking for advice. A few posters will then get themselves worked up by insisting that OP is, in fact, an awful person who must have provoked the behaviour by doing X, Y and Z, even if there is nothing in her posts to suggest this whatsoever.

Yes, there's two sides to every story, but in lieu of hearing the other side, a baseless fantasy by someone who's never met the OP does not fill the knowledge gap.

And that's ths truth👆 😂

Of course they are – but not to the same degree as on here, or even close. And it's grown in severity, as evidenced by the multiple posts on the subject per month.

Another issue is that OP's just can't speak colloquially or casually anymore – their language is ripped apart and it's it's completely unnecessary. Using the words 'crazy / batshit / unhinged' when talking about unacceptable behaviour you simple don't understand with a friend is complete unremarkable. It's just every day, colloquial language.

This made me laugh.

Why do some posters get defensive about threads like this? Mumsnet has a lot of decent people posting but definitely a lot of unhinged people.

Been here 13/14 years and it has always been like this.

I think there are some very unhappy people on here and they vent their unhappiness through being unpleasant to others.

There are also just some very unempathetic people here who can't seem to understand that other people have different personalities and experiences form them and will respond to events differently from them.

@Sadworld, your assertion that most posters are "slightly unhinged" would have some weight had you the fundamental honesty to post under your usual username.

There is no reason, other than cowardice, not to do so.

Badly done, OP. Badly done.

"Unhinged" is a very unfortunate choice of words but I understand the point you are making. I don't agree though, I think most responses are genuine and relate to what the poster has asked. Some issues divide the arguments and although I usually disagree with one side, I understand that people have very varying life experiences that account for their views. Often though there is a lot of agreement which is heartening. Some people use language and terms I find unnecessarily crude or aggressive but that doesn't automatically mean I disagree with their views.

I think there are a few trolls or bitter people who like to wind things up for their own reasons. And its much easier to be forthright on an anonymous forum than in real life so some responses come off as maybe dismissive - but again, not necessarily "wrong" from my point of view.

I wouldn’t call the vast majority unhinged no. AIBU is often the most clicked on threads and so you get a real spectrum of people commenting. From my experience I see some posts that clearly look like the person has an agenda or very negative outlook they wish to impose - I think perhaps a lot of those people are unhappy in rl and feel empowered online.
But the majority view I would say often contribute things that are very sensible - for example pointing out when someone is being selfish, entitled or actually clearly in the right and thus offering moral support or advice. You do see some posts that get totally derailed by agendas or a dominate negative poster but I wouldn’t say that many. Likewise I’ve been sadly invested in some posts that have been taken down by MN as untrue which I think breeds a high level of scepticism at times.
One thing I do notice is how many people post without even seeming to read the first OP. Let alone then the drip feed or another mumsnetter sensibly linking to previous posts by OP that totally undermine their initial argument. People will be in floods of outrage for an OP struggling with say a seemingly disrespectful child but actually if people had read the drip feed and previous posts they’d see that the Op was at best dysfunctional and at worst abusive.
You also get posts that clearly show differences in personality types.
But on the whole I wouldn’t say lots of people on here are unhinged, no!

I started on MN when my (now) 20 year old had just been born. It was definitely a nicer place back then.

Because they're the people the thread about 😉

There are a lot of stupid people out there. 50% of the country is more stupid than average.

@ThatWasJustANoise

I don’t think it’s defensiveness.

I think it’s pointing out the irony and / or disingenuousness of the wide eyed kind OP calling everyone else unhinged.

I've had great parenting advice in the past from mn, but it's best to word the OP without emotion. Admit to doing anything wrong on mn and there will be a pile on. The internet allows posters to just put anything they think, even if it's fleetingly without considering fully and reading the updates; it's the nature of it.

Need a thick skin for Mumsnet and patience to trawl through and there will always be non-judgemental helpful replies. Even here there's picking at the OP saying how she shouldn't call herself kind from people who don't know them.

Not everybody has empathy on the internet and it's just an excuse to have a go at someone when they can't in real life. Be prepared to ignore some nonsense if you start a thread.

🤣 This! So often posters literally fabricate parts of an OP to get themselves in a froth over. Even though it's there in black and white that the OP didn't say any such thing they will still insist that is the case.

I've been here years and it did used to be a lot calmer on the whole. I think Brexit really changed the tone. There certainly used to be a lot less hyperbolic, toxic nonsense back then. But I'm still here and this place still manages to make me laugh often so it can't be all that bad.

I’ve been on mumsnet for 25 years in various guises and I think it’s changed.

Its still supportive, still interesting to read, thought provoking at times and entertaining like it’s always been but now there’s an undercurrent of nastiness on many threads which wasn’t there before or at least as much.

yes people always had different opinions and quite often the op had their arse handed to them on a plate but the different opinions were often expressed in a nicer more constructive way, often bluntly.

These days it’s nasty, bullying and quite frankly bonkers on many threads,

I also think mumsnet has become huge, it’s attracted attention from social media and the press and so you’re going to get posters that are attracted to mumsnet through these mediums and then it becomes a free for all.