To think most people on here are slightly unhinged?

[Sadworld]

I’m genuinely curious and have changed username! I’m just shocked every time I read a thread and posts responding on AIBU. Some people are kind and thoughtful in their responses but others are quite unhinged I would say. I won’t mention any posts as I think that would mean a deletion due to a post about a post? I might be wrong tho. Just generally speaking I was reading a post from a few days ago and the OP was very clear but people responding with some crazy things calling her all sorts! I did defend her hence changing my username now as I don’t want people to find the threads I’m talking about and give more abuse to the OP’s. But seriously the latest one she was very very clear but the responses were absolutely batshit. It’s like gaslighting (is that the term I mean?). The poor OP responded kindly to the same accusations explaining but was met with more abuse!

Being a genuinely kind person I can’t believe people do this. What are the reasons? Surely the world can’t be full of shitty people like this? What’s other people’s opinions? For my sanity I will ignore the obvious goading attempts but will respond to all genuinely interested in a debate against my thoughts.

I think a lot of people on here are nasty because it’s an outlet for being generally being unhappy in life, or at least dealing with some form of unhappiness. I think many come on here with the intention to pick because it scratches an itch.

I agree many OPs are torn apart for the tiniest details and it’s pathetic. You also can’t post against the grain without getting some other poster railing at you about your opinion, which is just super tiresome.

It’s AIBU. MN has so much more to offer but often people don’t explore the rest of the site. AIBU gonna AIBU

It’s called troll hunting and it’s against the rules. Had it happen to me multiple times on threads I’ve started. You start a thread. You write out the information and if it’s a topic that gathers some traction the troll hunters will pick apart every tiny aspect to try and prove you are lying.

I had a situation where I was attacked outside my house and the troll hunters were absolutely convinced I was in the wrong and I couldn’t possibly be telling the truth. Because I didn’t believe I was in the wrong they got more and more determined to educate me and pick my account apart. It is completely exhausting and very much feels like a shark attack. The way to prevent it is to not start a thread 😎

I joined in 2011. There wasn't the awareness around domestic abuse, the effect on children and SN from some posters, but they seemed willing to learn. I think re disability and the knock on effects of living with disabilities, we've gone backwards and people come across as being totally uninformed (to be kind) and give arsehole answers. At first the life, here, in the NW and further North, with the lack of good transport, affordable wrap around childcare, decent jobs and high earning, was inconceivable to the posters. So it was a genuine lack of knowledge. Now there's a lack of critical and wider thinking and a lot of people want to victim blame and go in for the kill. There's more than a few who've joined to kick women when they are down and big up useless men.

That’s the complete opposite of the issue though, so doesn’t really convey what OP is talking about. There is a mile gap between ‘being kind’ and being deplorably rude, insulting, nitpicking and presumptuous in order to give advice. And that excuse is given way too often as a reason for why the nastiness continues.

I think unhinged is inaccurate. I am always surprised at how often people give their opinion, often not well founded, as fact. There are a couple of areas where I’d claim to have some professional expertise and I’m amazed at what passes for fact in some posts on these subjects. I’m therefore even more surprised when people ask for medical advice.

I agree. And God help you if you are a Mother-in-law or Stepmother on this site!

I think lots of people project their own experiences even if they are not really the same situation as the OP and others just make huge assumptions.

Sometimes it’s baffling the things people come up with then the OP spends the rest of the thread denying what people are assuming and defending themselves so the original problem doe not get addressed but the OP is just piled on. Then she gets vilified for “flouncing”.

I do call people out if they are being particularly vile.

I am more worried about the influx of disinformation by bots.

I've been here, on and off, for 15+ years and it was different.

I posted about some very difficult situations (the break up of my marriage and a very sensitive situation which caused me to go NC with my mother in the end) many years ago.

There was a range of opinions on both threads and they were both very long threads!

I received a lot of valuable reflections, some suggestions or advice that I rejected, some opinions that were inaccurate but understandable based on the fact they only had what I had said to go on and I couldn't be too specific, a few responses from people who were (for whatever reason) unable to comprehend the seriousness of the situation and a few people whose responses were based on projection of their own experiences. Overall, it was very helpful.

But, in several hundred posts, there was not a single unpleasant, nasty or hostile response. No one criticised me or asked what my part in either situation was. No one blamed for 'allowing' it to get that far or not cutting contact sooner. No one accused me of damaging my children or told me I was as much to blame.

In recent years, I've seen threads where women have posted about very similar scenarios and, whilst there have been lots of useful, helpful and reasonable responses, they have often been lost in the angry 'shouting', finger pointing and hostile misogyny.

There are lots of thoroughly unpleasant people on AIBU who love the opportunity to spout venom anonymously so they won’t be held to account. I am sure they wouldn’t say boo to a goose in real life.

Best to take AIBU with a hefty pinch of salt.

All I remember from 2011 is the likes of Anyfucker dominating every thread

Anyone can post anything as long as its within the guidance There is no requirement to be kind. If you ask aibu it's likely you will get pov from both sides. Amd maybe that's a good thing, if you ask is my bum fat in this in real life you don't get the truth

I agree OP.

I read one the other day about a lovely step mum who was posting about her relationship with her stepson and it turned into an absolute pile on about how she was being neglectful to the stepdaughter because they (the poster and her DH) hadn’t bought the stepdaughter a horse.

It wasn’t even related to the original post and people responding were going on and on about horse riding lessons, not actually reading the OP’s replies when she was trying to defend the accusations, and posters generally being quite nasty.

All I could think was “Some of these posters are Bat Shit crazy!!!!”

I think a lot of users have no sense of humour at all

The stereotypical mum can't understand jokes lady

I once read something about social media which said not everyone on it is mentally ill, but everyone who is mentally ill is on it.

Food for thought.

I’ve been here since I was pregnant with my 23 year old. It was not nicer. It was a clique with some pretty horrible women who thought they owned the site.

Yes some people on here are certified nutters and are definitely very harsh. Outside of AIBU, the step parenting bored stands out as being quite mean. The baby name bored is actually the one I’ve had the best experience on by far! I thought (because of previous experience) I’d get flamed because all my kids have names that are music/musician themed - but I actually got great suggestions.

I also think people struggle with tone. I like to have a joke and a jest and I think it’s pretty apparent when I’m joking?? But people often take it seriously? I have taken to putting “lol” at the end of it but sometimes that doesn’t even work. Sometimes I show DH and ask him if he’d know it was a joke and every time he’s said it’s obvious.

Nice bit of misogyny there.
I clearly have no sense of humour.

I think a lot of people on here are nasty because it’s an outlet for being generally being unhappy in life, or at least dealing with some form of unhappiness. I think many come on here with the intention to pick because it scratches an itch.

Completely agree with this.

Gosh, is it ‘it used to be nicer round here’ o’clock already?

I swear this is asked at least once a week.

But yes, OP, people on here are absolutely unhinged/kind/batshit/nasty. Just like in real life.

I don't think they are. I think most posters are compassionate, thoughtful and intelligent. But AIBU dominates the active discussion lists. If you head off into the gardening threads or what we're reading or even the slightly bonkers but extremely supportive stately homes thread or any of the new mothers posting anxiously about babies doing what babies do: crying, not sleeping, fussing over food etc, you will see evidence of kind, wise, generous advice everywhere.

If I ever need a soothing moment, I read the gardening threads - lots of lovely shared wisdom about seeds and harvesting and showing off favourite dahlias. It's a lovely corner of the internet.

There are some truly awful people on here who will just argue black is white for the sake of it.

OP, I knew as soon as I read your words, ‘I’m a genuinely kind person’ that the usual suspects would be along quite swiftly to berate you for that! 😂

I take what I read on MN with a pinch of salt but I also think that for some people, being the first to race in with a snarky comment, is like a fun sport. I don’t know why but perhaps there are medals to be won in the Snark Olympics.

In my earlier days of MN, I once posted a light hearted thread about home cooking and it turned really nasty. I made a light hearted comment about people who like ketchup on roast dinners and within the hour I’d been called a stuck up bitch and someone even suggested I deserved to lose my friends - all because I thought gravy was better than ketchup.

They were just words on a page but I felt upset about all the abuse from strangers so it seemed easier to just delete the account and stay away. I worry sometimes when I see someone posting who appears to be a bit vulnerable. If you spot a pile on, the best you can do is jump in and say something supportive.

Yes this sort of thing is kind of what I mean

As a pp says you will get a bunch of people who are absolutely literal in how they read posts that are really obviously jokes or lighthearted (the fact some people feel the need to clarify LIGHT-HEARTED says it all)

If you use they/them as pronouns to conseal the gender of the singlular person you're talking about, either to hide their identity or stop gender bias, some people go fucking batshit and will massively derail any thread. 😅