To think most people on here are slightly unhinged?

[Sadworld]

I’m genuinely curious and have changed username! I’m just shocked every time I read a thread and posts responding on AIBU. Some people are kind and thoughtful in their responses but others are quite unhinged I would say. I won’t mention any posts as I think that would mean a deletion due to a post about a post? I might be wrong tho. Just generally speaking I was reading a post from a few days ago and the OP was very clear but people responding with some crazy things calling her all sorts! I did defend her hence changing my username now as I don’t want people to find the threads I’m talking about and give more abuse to the OP’s. But seriously the latest one she was very very clear but the responses were absolutely batshit. It’s like gaslighting (is that the term I mean?). The poor OP responded kindly to the same accusations explaining but was met with more abuse!

Being a genuinely kind person I can’t believe people do this. What are the reasons? Surely the world can’t be full of shitty people like this? What’s other people’s opinions? For my sanity I will ignore the obvious goading attempts but will respond to all genuinely interested in a debate against my thoughts.

Anyone who starts a thread on here deserves an award for bravery.

i don't believe most of what is posted on AIBU, I bet there's a large % thats made up, exaggerated hyperbole with clickbait titles for attention and the lolz. People get taken in far too easily. The OP creates a thread then disappears. There's no way of validating anything and I'm someone who will lend a hand to anyone but they have to be genuine, so I can't get behind situations that sound fake.

i agree that the early MN site wasn't any nicer, the main characters were really cliquey, and if you werent one of the in-crowd, you'd be ignored.

There can be a lot of nasty comments on here but that's not all I see with all the negative comments. The problem is we get one side of the story on here and sometimes even with that one side it's clear that the OP was in the wrong.
I think a big problem we have, due to therapy and social media giving validation to a person who just gives their side of the story, is people become quite self-centred and unable to see their part in conflict they experience. They talk about their boundaries and their feelings a lot but don't consider that they are trampling all over someone elses boundaries and feelings because they have got so used to people just agreeing with them rather than making them reflect on their own behaviour or pointing out their faults and flaws. Sometimes people need to hear the brutally honest opinions of others rather than just be given validation, otherwise they will carry on destroying their relationships and having a negative impact on others.

“Unhinged”

“neutral”

Ok

@SadworldStop just reading AIBU. Explore the rest of the site and then reconsider your not-very-kind assertion about MN

People will start a thread with the absolute minimum or complete absence of any information to work with and then expect posters to play guessing games and get out their crystal ball to try and solve their problems.

Or the OPs life is so hectic with numerous competing disasters and expects everyone to know how to fix those complex interrelated challenges. It just isn't realistic and it takes an inordinate amount of people's time to give meaningful advice, only to get attacked when the answer isn't what the OP want to hear or what they can cope with facing.

@Sadworld I think you're forgetting there are two sides to this not just the slightly unhinged responders / supporters, but the very unhinged OPs.

I don't care for the classism, benefit bashing, ageism, racism and misogyny shown by SOME posters. So, when I see it on a thread I tend to put forward a counter view and often get lots of agreement, so I know that not everyone on the site holds those views. If you see an OP being treated badly, why not just post supportively on the thread itself and challenge the person being 'unhinged'?

Someone used a different word to one you would have used because they're not you 🤷🏻‍♀️

My point still stands. It's not responding to the question or adding anything to the discussion. You just chose to criticise the OP for their use of one word.

Oh the first page of aubi is just knee jerk responses from people who literally refresh the site every few minutes and reply to everything.
Some OPs do set up themselves for an open goal to be fair, so they get hit the worst because they are either triggering or just too easy for people to put the boot in.
However on the contrary I have seen some excellent support on the parenting or relationships forums on more slow burn postings.
I think this place has loads of lovely sympathetic people, but you need to skip the first page, and probably then read every second post.

You know what they say when someone thinks everyone else is mad but they’re not? 🥹

This ! Its the same user names that crop up regularly .

I don't think people interact online as they would in real life.

There is a sense that it's not really real/doesn't matter so you can be as blunt as you want. When it's anonymous as well there is no pushback whereas IRL if you went around a playgroup or the school gates or your workplace saying the kinds of things people say online, you'd be ostracised.

But also I have noticed that a lot of people seem to react to MN threads as though they are some kind of fiction novel or entertainment drama/soap opera or an issue of Take a Break. Asking for updates, suggesting OP says or does something ridiculously OTT to see what happens, playing armchair detective/psychologist, picking apart people's responses because they don't fit the extended narrative they have come up with in their heads. I wouldn't be surprised if there is something in the way we react to a friend/family member telling us something IRL vs reading an account of something online.

I know there are studies which show when we hear someone's voice, even if it's a recording, we have more empathy for what they are saying and their situation whereas when you have an exchange with a stranger, you tend to read ther interactions as more hostile. I think that can be why some people get riled up and then respond in a hostile fashion themselves.

Then there is a fascinating thing specific to some kinds of internet boards - AIBU definitely has this, Relationships to an extent, AITA on Reddit, some other parts of Reddit (mainly the relationship advice parts, but any advice type forum can have it) where the pattern is that consciously or not, posters are seeking a villain. Once I saw this pattern I couldn't unsee it! This is a great description: https://www.cartoonshateher.com/p/what-happens-to-people-who-ask-reddit

If only we had a block function! 🤣
(I’m on a thread where I’m one of the few that actually would like this to happen).

Online forums etc sadly seem an outlet for people to be very unpleasant or behave badly without any of the usual filters they would normally use in real face to face life. Mostly because they’re anonymous. Almost seems like a verbal punchbag and quite horrible to see the bullying. Agree with PP, makes you realise how unpleasant humans generally are.

Some OPs do set up themselves for an open goal to be fair, so they get hit the worst because they are either triggering or just too easy for people to put the boot in.

They are usually new to the site and completely oblivious to just how awful a pile on is. I would imagine they are entirely blindsided when it happens and I feel sorry for them.

I won’t even set foot on Twitter anymore, Mumsnet is very tame in comparison.

I find if AIBU gets too much a wander through other parts of the site are worth tracking down. The gardening page is usually calm and interesting and has useful advice, and although I know nothing about horses I quite like an amble in the Tack Room.

if you ask is my bum fat in this in real life you don't get the truth

That isn't always true. When I was a much younger, and less experienced man, I was asked "does this dress make my bum look big?"

Apparently, saying no, it's not the dress it's all the cake and chocolate is the incorrect answer. I now know that a better answer might be "it isnt very slimming ".

I think I was 19 at the time, and it was my sister who asked, so youth and sibling relationships played a part.

I agree with you to a degree. I think the anonymous nature of Mumsnet encourages some people to act without restraint and say things they would never say in real life. Those who spend time on the site daily, posting constantly, often seem bored and in search of validation, or simply trying to stir things up by being outrageous. Subtlety and nuance rarely seem to have a place here. I do like the gardening advice though and the dog photos and the deliberately contrary fashion advice in Style and Beauty.

You get some on just about every forum*, whatever the topic. Sad little people who enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people. I often think that in RL they’d probably hardly dare to say boo to a goose.

*the only forum I’ve used where it was very uncommon, but still not entirely unknown, was one for the carers of people with dementia.

I think people are absolutely nuts coming on here looking for advice. It seems like 80% of people just want to throw more shit at them. God help them if they have any few pounds to their name or have been given any bit of advantage in life. The crazy entitled CFs actually get a less rough time.

I’m only really on here these days for the Swarovski adverts.

'Swathes' 😂

Does anyone say unhinged in real life? I think it’s pure mumsnet

Me too…a highlight of this post.

But that one word was "unhinged"

Hardly a neutral word. It is condescending and judgemental on thousands of people.

I would say #bekind (as a joke) - but she has already declared that she is a genuinely kind person, so no point