To think most people on here are slightly unhinged?

[Sadworld]

I’m genuinely curious and have changed username! I’m just shocked every time I read a thread and posts responding on AIBU. Some people are kind and thoughtful in their responses but others are quite unhinged I would say. I won’t mention any posts as I think that would mean a deletion due to a post about a post? I might be wrong tho. Just generally speaking I was reading a post from a few days ago and the OP was very clear but people responding with some crazy things calling her all sorts! I did defend her hence changing my username now as I don’t want people to find the threads I’m talking about and give more abuse to the OP’s. But seriously the latest one she was very very clear but the responses were absolutely batshit. It’s like gaslighting (is that the term I mean?). The poor OP responded kindly to the same accusations explaining but was met with more abuse!

Being a genuinely kind person I can’t believe people do this. What are the reasons? Surely the world can’t be full of shitty people like this? What’s other people’s opinions? For my sanity I will ignore the obvious goading attempts but will respond to all genuinely interested in a debate against my thoughts.

Because you said you were a genuinely kind person yet you said we’re all unhinged!

I agree OP. Some people on AIBU I think are just very sad and unkind people and unfortunately get a kick out of just being mean. It’s much easier to be behind a keyboard than it is IRL. Also I think it’s maybe easier to dehumanise people when you can’t see them and are just responding to a post. Many years ago I made a post on AIBU about my wedding and finances around it between myself and my OH splitting the wedding costs and people were honestly awful to me all because they didn’t think it was right the amount I was spending on my wedding (my post wasn’t about how much I was spending but rather the split between who was paying what) I even had someone say that I was an unfit mother because I was spending too much money on my wedding. For context my wedding was under the national average for what others spend and I had the money to spend it and wasn’t getting into any debt! People just derail the post and put their own agenda onto the OP. It’s very toxic.

I’ve been here since day one. It was never any different. I don’t think it’s as funny as it used to be.

People don’t always have the best intentions towards others on here: they’re here for entertainment. Many just love an unfolding drama that they can potentially add something too, or a confused/ less well educated poster that they can insult or manipulate. They’re here for entertainment, not good will.

And there’s nothing MN loves more than a relationship breaking up. They don’t want to see someone fannying around with couples therapy or giving someone another chance, even if it’s been a long and otherwise fine relationship. There was a thread yesterday where a poster had recently broken up with her partner (reason not mentioned!) and another poster said it had made her day to read that!

I agree, I understand people are asking aibu and wanting different opinion's or suggestions but some people's replies are very judgemental and it feels personal!

I think people are generally angrier and therefore a bit more nasty these days in all walks of life - online and in real life. Just look at all of the signs up In shops/GP/hospitals etc stating they won’t tolerate abuse - signs like that were not needed in the past. I worked in a supermarket a couple of decades ago and it was rare to get a nasty customer, where as I’ve known a few people leave retail lately because they are tired of the daily abuse from customers. The world is generally more aggressive, so I don’t think it’s just a case of it being on here.

You are definitely correct OP. I assume most of these people, if not all, would never say these things in real life, but perhaps would think it? On a forum like this, they are able to give free rein to those thoughts. It is tedious though. You used to be able to come to Mumsnet with a problem and get support and advice. There would always be some robust answers. I still remember the poster, back in 2004, who upset me with her robust answer! But I can acknowledge she spoke some truth, as she saw it. What she didn't do is make up aspects of my life or deliberately misread anything I wrote, or just plain not understand what was said. Either reading comprehension in the general public has reached the level of a 7year old, or there are some seriously goady posters on forums.

Well perhaps exploring some other sections of the site might enable a more balanced judgement.

When I read particularly WTF posts, I tend to remember that there will be a lot of people who use this (or any!) site as their only form of interaction with the outside world.

People who are angry and isolated who have no power or control in their lives at all. People whose opinions wouldn't be listened to anywhere else who probably don't even get the opportunity to express them elsewhere.

Some people will use that to engage and develop a rich a positive online life. Others won't.

The Internet has given a 'voice' to people who otherwise wouldn't have had one - for good and bad.

It was smaller back then and people didn't name change all the time, so you saw the same posters and could follow some or avoid others, like irl. These days it's rare I spot a personality as the threads are much longer and full of new names every day. It's just become a different entity, I think.

I think there are quite a few “knee jerk” answers and often people don’t read the post properly, or don’t catch the updates (I’ve been guilty of that) but I also think the reason people might become very fixated or focus on one particular aspect of a scenario to the exclusion of the bigger picture is because they have had a bad experience, and have been hurt. I often find myself wondering how someone’s take away is so different to mine but we all have very different lived experiences.

I read a thread earlier this year about things that annoy people. All were giving out about people being people pleasers, people being too slow, crap at their job, too chatty, too positive, but everyone seemed particularly angry at all instances … I backed away!!!

I will say I used to be annoyed at the ltb comments but now am more fifty fifty as sometimes the op lets slip that actually her dh/dp doesn’t seem to like her/ respect her etc but at all, saying that yes there are some interesting people on here and you wonder are they that angry in everyday life

I'd disagree mainly because AIBU has always been 'robust' and a bit bonkers but that wasn't really seen in relationships or chat.

Best way to understand it is to watch What We Do in the Shadows: Troll episode.

Perhaps the OP should have explained what they were talking about rather than say people on here are batshit and unhinged and she is genuinely kind. People are rude, insulting and nit picking in real life too, as shown by a lot of the threads complaining about those things, why should it be any different (if not worse) on an anonymous forum?

AIBU is mostly but not always brutal but you get more responses. Take the good, discount the bad.
Many posters believe in only one view through, you are not allowed to have a different view, under any circumstances. So will start quoting you and saying no you can’t say that, you are wrong, I disagree, completely shuts down any communication or debate.

It’s likely a made up scenario half the time, let’s face it.

Some people don't bother reading the OP in depth so go off on a tangent of their own. Some people have a bee in their bonnet about a subject so would react the exact same to a post about going shopping with MIL and she bought the wrong brand of mayonnaise as to a post about going shopping with MIL and she tried to knock me down in the carpark. Some people are really kind to the OP but would be equally on the side of the other party if they were the ones that posted so actually not that useful in real life. The worst are when they really rile up the poster into seeing themselves as 100% in the right so that they do something dramatic and unnecessary when the whole thing could have been concluded in a calmer more sensible way.

The internet makes it easy to say things you'd never say in real life.

You're obviously entitled to do it. But when there's a thread every couple of days about it, always the same wide eyed confusion about why MN users are so (insert insult of choice) making sweeping generalisations about the culture of the site based on the behaviour of a minority, it starts to seem like bad faith. I mean, you must know that a site with so many users is going to have people who aren't 'very nice' amongst its posters. You must know that anonymous forums attract people who want the opportunity to be unpleasant without consequence. If you're on here much you must also know these people are vastly out numbered by people who aren't like this. If you've been on other sites, you'd probably conclude that MN is still one of the 'nicest'.

Starting yet another thread applying negative generalisations to MN users feels like part of an agenda to discredit the site.

I think most people, at least off AIBU, are trying to be helpful even if they disagree with you.

There are some people with very poor reading comprehension (or laziness) so if you post “My five year old DD is having problems at school” you will get a load of people posting “it would help if OP said how old her DD was”.

And there are some people who are just nasty - either for the fun of it, or because they have serious anger problems. Unfortunately you will always meet nasty people, but in real life you would never start a conversation with them.

I think this is exactly the kind of post a lot of people are making observations about, though, tbh.

Rather than respond to the actual question or engage with the spirit of the thread, you're challenging the OP about her use of one, fairly neutral colloquialism.

I agree op. I stay on MN because I have had some genuinely fabulous support and advice over the years. I will always remember when I was on my knees with breastfeeding and I posted here and people were so kind, telling me it was ok to stop. I needed that.

But for every genuine poster there seems to be a dickhead who will stick the boot in, deliberately misinterpret the post or just be completely unpleasant for the sake of it. I do think these sort of people must be unhappy in some way. It wouldn’t occur to me to be a prick for no reason either online or in the real world. I’ll admit occasionally I’ve been blunt if an op is clearly being foolish but I wouldn’t be horrible with it.

Its just different points of view - with a user name like that, you're not really contributing to over all positivity in the world - why not focus on the positive stuff, both here and irl

Again, most people understood that she wasn't saying, "Every single person who posts on here is a prick! Except for me, of course, because I'm a paragon of virtue at all times!"

This is part of the problem. Normal interaction replaced with hyperbolic outrage.

I'm my opinion the first one or two comments on the thread determine how the rest of the thread will go. If the first couple are nasty then the majority that come after it will be too, if the first couple are supportive then the others seem to follow suit. I studied psychology and I find it fascinating but terrifying seeing how quickly mob mentality takes effect on this site. The more people that are knocking the OP to the ground the more people come along to get a virtual kick in as well. I see it time and time again.
It would be interesting to see the same post side by side, one starting with supportive comments and other abusive to see which direction they go in

Completely agree, there's a chunk of people on here that must just sit and wait to be able to jump on a thread full of vemon, illogical advice, knee jerk reactions, zero consideration.
There's no way they are that sharp, direcct, rude and let's be honest a bit bat shit crazy in real life.