Friend wrecks dds room.

[Chickencuddle]

Dd is 12 and has a friend who whenever she comes over wrecks her room in different ways.
Dd had her room painted and redone last year. This friend every time she comes over picks the paint off the walls. So everytime this girl leaves I go in and see big scrabs in paint etc. I've always just painted over and hoped it wouldn't happen again but this time I told myself it was the last time. And she did it again. She also sticks her chewing gum on dds furniture (there is a bin in the room)
Wish pop her squishes and break her toys and its an "accident" has also taken things before. No way to prove it but things go missing agter she has been abd she has shown an interest on these things previously.
Aibu to message the mummy about talking to her dd? I have spoken to her but only lightly and she kind of laughed it off and said "opps" then it happens again.

Id not have her around again. And I'd tell her and her mum why if they asked

Tell dd that her friend is not allowed in your house again!

Why is your dd not telling her "friend" to stop trashing her room??

She's dds best friend and really the only person she hangs out with

I would not let them upstairs and be frank about why. DD isn't able (for whatever reason) to stop her friend from destructive behaviours and so no, meet up outside or longue around downstairs.

She says she does but again dds friend laughs and says oops but will do it again when dd not looking.

Tough. Her friend cannot seem to control herself so your dd can go to her house but not yours.

Stand up for yourself woman!

Either stop her coming over, or tell her not to do the shitty stuff???

Ah, right, time to encourage DD into taking up another hobby, widen her group.

*lounge.

I am cringing, eeeek.

Trust me ive been trying dd quite shy and anxious and won't go to any groups without said best friend. In the past ive signed her up for things that I know she likes and made her go but every week was a battle and I didn't know if I was doing the right thing as she hated it. So we stopped. She's adamant she won't do anything without her.

I think your DD's friend is rather jealous of your DD having a nice bedroom & this is why she trashes her room. Does DD visit her friend's house?

I wouldn't allow the friend into her room. She's welcome to come over, but only where she can be supervised. I'd also tell her why saying 'We can't allow you into DD's room because every time you come over you break things, make a mess, destroy the decor' or what ever it is that she's doing.

Maybe just keep them in the kitchen with you?

12 is old enough to know better. To be behaving like that in secondary school is embarrassing. I’d be messaging the mum or parent and saying you won’t allow her to come to your house if it carries on.

That best friend sounds awful, is she nice to your OP? Wrecking her room is horrible.

I would tell the friend that if it happens again she will not be able to come round any more or they will have to play in the garden. Sometimes you just have to be direct or they don't get the message.

She is no friend. If you told her she was no longer welcome, you’d be showing your daughter that she shouldn’t put up with nasty behaviour from her so called friends. You’re being a pushover and teaching your dd to be the same.

Oh - and chewing gum is confiscated otherwise you will be picking it out of your carpet, from under the coffee table etc.

I don't get this thing about chewing gum - this constant masticating must be a Gen Z thing. 🙄

If you’re not going to be brave enough to say the friend can’t come over then they do not go into her room. Come on op you are the adult

Totally agree with this. Your DD is learning that it's ok for a friend to destroy her things time and time again.

Message the “mummy”? shes 12 not 4! But yes, just ban her from coming in your house.

Your DD would benefit from new friends

This sounds like a really controlling, toxic relationship.
I would want to get my child away from this girl by whatever means possible.
Is it possible that she is controlling/manipulating your dd by telling her she can't do any activities or hobbies without her?

Personally, I would message the friends mum telling her exactly what has happened and that because of this, the kids can only have meetups at her house or via a planned activity (NOT at your home). A 12 year old knows better, this is really odd behaviour

Erm, this is batshit, and really not normal behaviour. The teen years are still to come, if she’s this difficult now, imagine how it will be later.

I’d strongly discourage this friendship.

Why are you showing your daughter, time and time again, that she can have her room ruined??