Friend wrecks dds room.

[Chickencuddle]

Dd is 12 and has a friend who whenever she comes over wrecks her room in different ways.
Dd had her room painted and redone last year. This friend every time she comes over picks the paint off the walls. So everytime this girl leaves I go in and see big scrabs in paint etc. I've always just painted over and hoped it wouldn't happen again but this time I told myself it was the last time. And she did it again. She also sticks her chewing gum on dds furniture (there is a bin in the room)
Wish pop her squishes and break her toys and its an "accident" has also taken things before. No way to prove it but things go missing agter she has been abd she has shown an interest on these things previously.
Aibu to message the mummy about talking to her dd? I have spoken to her but only lightly and she kind of laughed it off and said "opps" then it happens again.

I would tell her off big time and threaten to take photos and send bill for paint/renovation to her mom. Then throw them out to play in the garden.

Hey read the thread i apologised its difficult for everyone to get the right balance i am
always unsure if I’m too over protective. Not here for arguments genuinely concerned myself about my child starting high school

Except all those who say ‘mammy’, of course.
(Double points for that one, when it’s uttered in front of an American. Shock and outrage, and sometimes even a stern lecture about inter-racial sensitivity. True story; I couldn’t stop laughing)

Is this girl the demonic* child whose activities have been reported here on a couple of previous threads?
Scribbling all over walls and valuable possessions in felt pen; trashing everything she goes near, on purpose; bullying the daughter; being smart to adults and so on?
I can’t offer any solution, but goodness I’d stamp out all further visits to your house pronto.
The girl’s parents surely ought to be told I’d have thought, just so the story is kept straight. That the concern is damage control, of your premises.
Let the girls continue as they are, but absolutely not chez vous, since you clearly don’t wish to end this dicey friendship. The girl might exhibit less vicious behaviour at home, and fall into the habit of it.

• demonic: no, not literally. But it’s a justified adjective.

I feel so so sorry for this poor child. She's being bullied and abused and her Mum is standing around wringing her hands like an absolute wet wally.

Piss awful parenting. 😡

If you can’t stop the visits, then next time the friend came, I would pop into the room once or twice every 30 minutes to do a proper check. Including a visit in the night. Until the message got through…

@Chickencuddle ,

"Thanks everyone youre right I need to show dd how to stick up for herself."

No. She is 12. You are the adult. You stick up for her. That is how she learns to stick up for herself.

Right now, you have caved to her abuser for years. That's the behaviour you modeled for her, so why do you expect a 12 year old to do different than what you've shown her all along?

You ban that destructive child from your home. You change your daughter's class and activities. You speak with the other mom about the disrespect her daughter is showing by damaging your home.

You change your mindset. You, your daughter, your home, and your things deserve respect. If you don't get that, there is no relationship.

It won’t stop it, though.
In a couple of years it’ll be about smoking, and the absolute impossibility of preventing same.
Also in a couple of years, that awful friend will have a much greater arsenal of destructive habits, and her hold on the daughter will be much deeper.
The mind recoils from behaviour she might inveigle the girl to adopt.

I’d think any 12 year old girl needs a strong defender and adviser at home. (I certainly did, and that was eons ago and without a meanie mate. We’ve enough to be dealing with at that age)
OP would do well to breathe fire at the aberrant friend and dictate without discussion the new terms of engagement. First: she’ll be elsewhere at all times!

Agree, if you aren't acting like you think your DD deserves better than to be treated like this then how is she going to think it?

Further to earlier In last year of primary dd had a clingy friend who came to our house for a lift to a club each week. Dd told me when the girl began dragging dd away if she spoke to other girls etc. I caught the girl jumping on the sofa (never anllowed here) and quickly told her to get off and if it happened again i wouldn’t let her visit any more. I told the teacher about the odd possessive behaviour and they were sat separately in class. Daughter was grateful agreed to shout up if it started again and fortunately the situation was nipped in the bud.

You really do need to take the advice here and involve the school and do whatever you can to empower your girl.

What a horrible child. She isn’t your dd friend is ruining her things

refuse this girl coming to yours. Your dd can go there or meet outside