BBQ hosting etiquette

[Pandersmum]

AIBU.
BBQ for 10 (4 couples plus us) of ‘hobby group’ friends in being p’d off that having asked guests to ‘bring what you like to drink’ after spending £150 on nice butchers bbq stuff and homemade salads, sides, nibbles and desserts, we are left with 4 bottles of exceptionally cheap rose (think Aldi lowest price wine) and no leftovers, most having 2nds and 3rds as the ‘food was so good’! They also drank through 6 bottles of DH good Sauvignon blanc!
We would normally go out to dinner with them and spend £100-150 per couple - they are not struggling financially! 1 couple did bring chocolates and a bunch of flowers. 3 other couples just bought cheap wine and beer which was also drunk.

AIBU if told food provided, and being asked ‘just bring something to drink’, you should drink what you bring!

Why did you leave out 6 bottles of wine that you resented your guests drinking ?

If you specifically asked everyone to bring booze, why did you then serve completely different booze? You should’ve put all their booze in a big bath of ice in the garden and let them help themselves from that #lowefforthosfesshere

YABU to be upset that the food you provided was eaten.

But it certainly sounds like they were stingy with the drinks they brought.

I think "bring what you like to drink" is a bit vague if you basically wanted them to provide the alcohol. Do they tend to reciprocate hosting? I wouldn't resent guests eating well, nothing wrong with that.

When we tell people to bring what they like to drink, we then put their bottles in a big tub (actually an old baby bath) with ice, and they drink that, we just provide soft drinks. I’m not sure why you served them wine you didn’t want them to drink?

Also when we host we assume people will eat all of the food, it’s not wise to assume that people will psychically know that you want to save the leftovers.

As a guest I would normally bring flowers or a “hostess gift” of some kind, but a lot of people don’t bother for a more casual get together like a BBQ. Totally your choice how much you spent on food and they weren’t to know that in advance, so no reason to be pissed off you didn’t get anything.

Hopefully you had fun, and sometime they’ll return the favour and host you. I couldn’t get worked up about any of this.

It’s the first time anyone has hosted. We thought it was a nice thing to do.

My DH offered people top ups when he was pouring his own wine, not expecting them to say yes I guess. He’s a generous soul. Also people helped themselves from the bottles in the fridge. We didn’t think to remove them.

YABU You shouldn't provide food if you don't want people to eat it, no one could have guessed how much they were supposed to spend on drink or other gifts you were expecting. I would also rather you told me before hand, or after the event!

Well I wouldn’t bother doing this again!!!!

…. and we cooked plenty of food as we had hungry teens returning from work a couple of hours later. We ordered them a pizza instead.

I think that’s part and parcel of hosting. The wine someone brings is a gesture rather than everyone sticks to what they brought like a student party.

I don't host to receive. I expect and hope everything will be eaten. You don't offer what you don't want them to eat - its mad now moaning about them drinking the wine.

When I go to anyone's house - I take drinks, flowers and nice chocolates or cakes though as a gift to the host/hostess. A bit rude they didn't do this after all your effort.

Call it a learning experience 👍

When the food was going down a storm why didn't you say "Don't mind me I'm just putting X Y Z on a plate for DC when they are home from work"?

Also, why are you annoyed with your friends that your DH was offering them his wine?

You do not sound at all cut out for hosting. They ate the food you provided, and complimented it. You shouldn't offer booze if you're going to resent people drinking it. People going into our fridge wouldn't bother me as when we host we are very casual about it, but if it bothers you then make provision outside for keeping drinks cool etc.

Don’t want to be unduly controversial but I can’t help wonder whether you actually under-catered if there were no leftovers at all.
Personally I would have expected them to bring nicer wine, as a gift rather than consuming themselves. If hosting I would expect to provide a range of drinks, perhaps supplemented by what the guests bring but not expecting them to just drink what they brought.
If wanting others to contribute I’d maybe suggest someone brings a side, someone else a dessert, someone bring a couple of soft drink options and so on. Asking for booze is a little cheap Imho.

This. Did they go on a wine hunt ?

If all the food was gone they I'd say you under-catered not that they overate.

And it's pretty standard for people to bring a bottle and drink several...drinking what you bring is a bit high school / uni?

If you don't want to spend the money and effort on hosting then don't 🤷‍♂️ but if you're going to then...host?

Sounds like hosting isn't for you op.

If the food is on offer people are going to eat it. If you offer a drinks top up people are going to say yes and then assume your happy to share otherwise........ Why would you offer?

The only cheeky fucker here is you to offer to host and expect to receive specific gifts in return for doing so.

I’d be delighted if all my food was eaten, I’d take it as a huge compliment. They do sound a bit tight on the wine front, although if I was hosting, I’d have plenty of drinks in anyway even if I was hoping people would bring a bottle or two. It sounds like a really lovely get together though!

Well if DH was offering top ups from ‘his’ wine then I’d assume it was for drinking 🤷🏻‍♀️ everyone knows you put it out of the way if you don’t want anyone helping themselves at a gathering. Especially at something a bit more informal like a bbq.

£15 a head for a good BBQ is not a huge amount with the current price of meat particularly. I'd have done my damnedest to do it more cheaply, without serving crap. We'd have provided drinks as well for friends and invited them to bring anything they particularly wanted to drink. I think it's sad this is how you feel after what was presumably a good day with friends. Was there something else that made you feel they were taking the piss?

Have to agree with the majority. You OH isn’t that generous if he’s offering wine but hoping people say no and if all the food was eaten there probably wasn’t enough.

Are you supposed to leave left overs at a BBQ? Id be happy people ate everything.

If all the food I served was eaten I would have thought I actually hadn’t made enough!

Also all alcohol is there for the drinking when I host

I always take our own drink to bbqs, people's houses etc when invited. Thought that was normal.