BBQ hosting etiquette

[Pandersmum]

AIBU.
BBQ for 10 (4 couples plus us) of ‘hobby group’ friends in being p’d off that having asked guests to ‘bring what you like to drink’ after spending £150 on nice butchers bbq stuff and homemade salads, sides, nibbles and desserts, we are left with 4 bottles of exceptionally cheap rose (think Aldi lowest price wine) and no leftovers, most having 2nds and 3rds as the ‘food was so good’! They also drank through 6 bottles of DH good Sauvignon blanc!
We would normally go out to dinner with them and spend £100-150 per couple - they are not struggling financially! 1 couple did bring chocolates and a bunch of flowers. 3 other couples just bought cheap wine and beer which was also drunk.

AIBU if told food provided, and being asked ‘just bring something to drink’, you should drink what you bring!

They sound like vultures, especially if you know they don’t plan to return the hospitality.

When they asked when the next one was, were they hinting that you would host again?

Yes!

This reminds me of a bbq I went to where there simply wasn’t enough food. I actually heard one the host say to his wife ‘I’ll put out 6 more of the handmade sausages and watch the vultures eat them, it’s ridiculous how much they are all eating’ .There were about 18 people at the BBQ.

Cheeky fuckers.

Time to stop being generous.

Vulture cross post.

You don’t know that! They were just saying thanks and we should do it again. Give them a chance to reciprocate.

OP spent £150 on the meat alone, that should be plenty for 10 people. Plus then more money on the other dishes.

Do you even like these people op?

It really doesn’t come across like you do, so I’m not sure why you hosted them in the first place 🤷‍♀️ usually if you host, you want people to have a great time and enjoy themselves, you seem annoyed they didn’t understand your mixed messages and secret rules they should have followed

sounds like sticking to meals out with the group is the best option

It’s possible to like people and not like their CF ways.

I have relatives who I love but who would eat me out of house and home if I let them. It’s ok to socialise people on your own terms. OP will just have dinner out with these people in future, and that’s fine.

You hosted and the guests enjoyed, if things were off bounds they shouldn't have been able to access them. If you wanted food for children later you should have made them a plate at the start and put them in the fridge or somewhere.

I do like them. I said we wanted to do it.
I guess I’m just surprised at my own level of irritation about the cheap rose wine we have been left with 😂

They ate the food and drank the wine that was offered to them. Cheeky fuckers.

Would you be less irritated if they drank it as in you had not been left with it? If so then just get rid of it.

Save the wine for when (if!) you get invited to theirs

You chose to spend £150 at the butchers, your guests didn’t request or expect that. You’re being incredibly unreasonable to complain that they ate the food you chose to provide.

Your DH is the one who kept offering his “naice” (🤢) wine for them to drink, so it’s unreasonable to complain that your guests said yes when offered.

You don’t host people with the expectation of receiving gifts, you host because you want to.

The wine will go back to ‘uni’ with one of the kids. Uni students will drink anything after all! 😊

If you don’t get an invite to another bbq it might be because they clocked your attitude rather than them being tight.

£150 could be a lot or barely anything depending on the butchers. Last time we went unless you wanted the cheap burgers it was £2 a burger. £3.50 if you wanted a lamb burger. Sausages were 10 for £10. If you wanted marinated meats or pre made kebabs or steaks you wouldn’t be getting much for your £150.

We host 3-4 bbqs every summer for different sets of friends/family. Everyone always pleased to come as we do put the effort in with good meats, homemade salads etc, last one we also got a large pork belly, cooked before hand, cut up and served as a starter. It went down a treat.
everyone always brings their drinks and usually we end up with nearly as much drink as we started with as they always bring what they enjoy plus a bottle of wine or a gift or both for us. DH always has a good bottle of single malt to share with friends as well!
When sending out invites we are always asked if we need them to bring anything and we always reply no, but bringing drinks is a given and no-one ever turns up empty handed. We also do the same when invted to theirs.
we have never ran out of food, we always do too much, we really should have learnt by now but leftovers never go to waste. We have even sent a ‘doggy bag’ home with guests.
So probably not enough food if no leftovers.

We were very good hosts. It was only afterwards when everyone had gone did we fully appreciate the days events.

Sounds like it.

Good hosts don’t complain about the food they provide being eaten or the glasses of wine they offer being drunk.
They also don’t complain about their guests leaving alcohol behind.
you sound complete effort and a very bad host

Vultures... for eating the food provided 🤣🤣🤣

It doesn’t sound like there was enough food. And don’t offer guests a drink you don’t want them to have!

Personally , I wouldn’t dream of turning up to someone’s house for the first time, with a very cheap bottle of plonk and proceed to eat and drink everything on offer for the next 6 hours.

I am completely confused at your horror that people accepted what you offered

I mean, if you didn't want them to eat the food, why did you keep cooking more, and offering it to them ?
If you wanted to keep some back for your dc then why not put that aside before your guests came ?

Personally I prefer the taste of the wine I buy, even though it would be repeatedly described as 'cheap' by you. I would expect to have been able to put it on the table, or in the ice box and drink it. Which would mean all the guests get to drink what has been brought and you wouldn't be left with anything 'not to your taste'. Note - 'cheaper' doesn't mean 'nasty', it is just a different palette. If you are partial to paying a lot more for your wine and resent sharing it, then you needed to have instructed your dh not to offer it to your guests. If I am at a party, and someone comes round with a bottle of the same colour wine I'm drinking, I'd accept, as I think most people would - it isn't normal to say "No, I don't want your wine, I only want to drink from the bottle I bought'.

In terms of 'etiquette' - that is very much up to each family or each group of friends. Some people like to host and do everything, many others will ask guests to bring a pudding or a salad or a speciality for the BBQ (skewers or a particular marinaded meat or fish). But everyone is different.

What is odd, is doing it all yourself and then complaining that your friends accepted what you offered.