BBQ hosting etiquette

[Pandersmum]

AIBU.
BBQ for 10 (4 couples plus us) of ‘hobby group’ friends in being p’d off that having asked guests to ‘bring what you like to drink’ after spending £150 on nice butchers bbq stuff and homemade salads, sides, nibbles and desserts, we are left with 4 bottles of exceptionally cheap rose (think Aldi lowest price wine) and no leftovers, most having 2nds and 3rds as the ‘food was so good’! They also drank through 6 bottles of DH good Sauvignon blanc!
We would normally go out to dinner with them and spend £100-150 per couple - they are not struggling financially! 1 couple did bring chocolates and a bunch of flowers. 3 other couples just bought cheap wine and beer which was also drunk.

AIBU if told food provided, and being asked ‘just bring something to drink’, you should drink what you bring!

For already salivating over the next expected free BBQ.

Don’t let it put you off hosting again, it sounds like you all had a great time and they were appreciative. We often have bbqs with friends and usually get all the meat and usual extras (and yes it does add up!) but ask them to bring drinks and either a side dish or a pudding. Takes some of the cost and prep out if it.

You shouldn’t have had your own alcohol available. And you should’ve squirrelled some cooked food away for your kids for later, you’ll know next time!

It absolutely blows my mind that anyone would host people for a BBQ and the guests not be welcome to eat the food which is put out for them to eat.

What happened to enjoying people's company? I wouldn't notice what wine guests brought or how much food they ate.

FFS. Why didn’t you just put this away/aside if you didn’t want it eaten.

you sound super stingey tbh. Didn’t sound like you really welcomed people. I take it you’re grown ups, not students?

Aldi wine is great, don’t be such a snob!

I am team YABU- why invite people over for food and drinks if you don’t want them to consume those food and drinks. When I host people can help themselves to literally anything they find in the fridge- if I did have some special wine that I didn’t want to be drunk I’d hide that, as a guest if I saw it chilled in the fridge (or was offered it by a host as it sounds like your DH did) I would assume it was up for grabs. Why wouldn’t I?!

You aren't cut out to host if you're complaining they enjoyed themselves so much they don't want to leave. That's a compliment.

If you ask them to Bring a bottle to a BBQ then that's their contribution, BBQs don't have "host gifts" like a dinner party

You want food for your kids, you put it aside. The food being out means it's available

It would be ruder and look worse, imo, if they refused your food

"Oh we must do this again, when's the next one?" Is a compliment to the OP about how well it went.

It's also a pretty common thing to say, without really meaning it

Aldi were doing a great Provençal rose dupe, was it that, or a Zinfandel job?

Also, if I saw 4 or 5 bottles of wine chilling in the fridge at a BBQ, I'd assume it was to drink. Because who has more than 1 bottle chilling at a time 🤣?

Yes they either enjoyed the company or were very British Like when a school mums says you just must get together some time. But never arranges sometime.

OP knows them better than you.

Saying ‘when’s the next one?’ isn’t a compliment when the hosts have spent hundreds hosting you and you have no intention of returning their hospitality.

They may think OP is a mug who loves hosting without expecting anything in return but they will be disappointed.

Why are you going into people’s fridge?

Yep it's very much the "done" thing to say about doing it again with 0 expectations of that happening

At a BBQ, where drink is being provided...

Why does that mean you get to go into their fridge?

Why not just drink what’s on the table?

Assuming the bbq was this weekend who’s had a chance to check their diary to suggest a return date? So uptight!

Doesn't sound like OP does know them tbh

They don't think she's a mug. They had a nice evening and made the perfunctory statement about doing it again. It's a compliment to the host because they enjoyed it so much

Because some people keep the drinks in the fridge not on a table

It's really not that weird

It’s not weird at all if you like your friends.

Of course she knows them better than you.

And ‘When’s the next one?’is not perfunctory. Perfunctory would be ‘We must have you all round to ours next time.’

i think it was last weekend but the fact no one has offered to host the next one in the intervening 9 days is entirely unsurprising and doesn’t mean no one is intending to host in the future.

You don’t have food out if you don’t want your guests to eat it. You don’t offer a top up if you don’t expect someone to say yes!
I wouldn’t bring cheap wine either (depends what you mean by cheap though - £9 is about my limit and more than I’d normally spend on myself). I’d also have offered to have brought a dish of some kind.
I used to have BBQs a lot, especially if we had house guests and had caught some mackerel on a fishing trip. It’s the best compliment that they were enjoying themselves and the food. There was never any leftovers and certainly no left over drink!

“I am clearly out of touch with what is the norm / ok today.
Personally , I wouldn’t dream of turning up to someone’s house for the first time, with a very cheap bottle of plonk and proceed to eat and drink everything on offer for the next 6 hours.“

There’s your mistake right there in your own words “everything on offer”. If it’s ’on offer’ how do you expect people to know that you were hoping for leftovers for the kids?

However, you sound like fabulous hosts who have learned the hard way that your friends are takers not givers.